Six Months Into Retail and Having No Friend

May 4, 2021

I had a major problem at work and the problem still persist until further notice. It was frustrating especially when I'm being taken advantage of and I'm really not having a good Ramadhan too. It was tiring too and even more tiring to try to be more positive that I just stop thinking positive and just go with the flow. It wasn't helping at all that my friends who happen to work with the same company as me hardly responses to my venting and now I get this nagging feeling in me that simply questioning our whole friendship which has lasted a little over a week now. Am I simply overthinking this and being dramatically insecure? Most probably. Does my friend deserve me to be like this? Well, not really I guess? Plus they might not even notice since we didn't live close by. I can gather enough reason to avoid meeting them. There are some other personal issues that I rather not disclose here but I guess everything is taking too much of a toll on me. Plus, I'm hungry.

This is me venting.

We are in the last 10 days of Ramadhan. It feels surreal especially when you're working  2pm to 10pm about four to five days per week and having no friends to hang out with during the weekdays. I don't even have time to hang out during the weekday as my free time is in the morning and I spent it "conserving" my energy to work my evening shift. I think mid-Ramadhan I just give up and sleep after Subuh and just wake up late. I get to spend the second weekend of Ramadhan going for iftar with a friend of mine. I spent my last weekend at my aunt's house where I sleep, eat, and watching tv shows. But being back to my work is literally a slap to reality. 

I'm an ambivert. So although it is still comforting to be living alone, I still needed company at some point. I also need PKP to end so I can take my much-needed break from work.

My thoughts are all over. 

There are things I'm still so grateful though. Like I went out with my cousin and she knew good places to shop and I got to buy this beautiful pajama set and pleated shawl that was so cheap. She even treated me to this cute cat cartoon printed mask from Watsons and I finally get to buy a good serum to include in my skincare. I finally meet my sister last Saturday and it was just so good seeing a family during these times. I got to play with my other cousin's cute twins too. The twins have started to be more comfortable with me so now I can hold them without them crying lol.

I do love working in retail pharmacy despite feeling this exasperated. Getting to interact with customers and the challenges that come with managing it is so refreshing and rewarding. I just hated the fact I have so many evening shifts and that since we're new, we didn't get much customer so it gets bleak at times. 

We are understaffed so I had to do a full-day shift for the first time last week. I dreaded it so much but thank god a friend of mine came in. He wanted me to teach him stuff since he's doing locum. It was nice seeing him after so long and it gets the time moves faster. There are finally peoples applying for the vacancy here but I'm not sure how soon they can start working but I'm just grateful knowing there's an end to this. Also, my skin is doing a whole lot better too and I'm excited for my facial session this Thursday. We also get free chocolate moist cake yesterday!

A friend from my old hospital is coming to stay with me for a couple of days since she's doing a locum after Eid. It kinda worries me because I've been so used to living alone but I know it will do me good to break the monotony so I'm also quite excited. My sister is booking an AirBnb for us to chill during Eid as we can't go home. I'm so looking forward to that too.

It has been six months already. I'm starting to become more familiar with this new place and becoming more familiar with the routes altough I did get lost yesterday trying to find KK Mart. I learn better from mistakes anyway.I tend to talk too much which makes me feel like I'm overcompensating so I wanted to work on that. I notices that I get better now at explaining stuff to my customer so that I appear more confident.  My newest staff has this childish and a bit ignorant behaviour which also exhibited on my last staff which I dreaded so much. I was so grateful when she was quitting but I can't keep on hoping that the staff that I'm not in favour of to just quit. Now I'm learning to be more accepting and trying to  work around it. I decided to take it as a challenge in order to get me more flexible in training my staff.

Now, I'm just trying my best to do my fast and waiting for Ramadhan to end so I can correct my sleep schedule and not feeling drained all day long. If anyone reading this feels the need to judge me, don't. You'll just sound like those anti-vaccines peoples that are so stupidly ignorant it hurts. 

No, scratch that. Those peoples does not hurt me. It makes me feel like hurting people-