Living Late Twenties : 30 Questions Before Turning 30

Oct 20, 2022

I found this question on Elite Daily. If you guys feel like doing it as well, let me know so I can read it as well. I don't feel like ranting so let's just get straight into it.


What am I looking for in a partner?

 

I have told this before that during my time in Kuantan, I come to an understanding about myself that I do have certain physical attributes that draw me in. Apart from that, I'm looking for someone who can match my wit, and ways of thinking but most importantly, someone that I can enjoy a conversation with. This has led me to a certain type of personality and educational background too. I'm good at matching people's energy which indirectly makes me a people pleaser. So, on the surface, it might look like we get along well and don't get the wrong impression - we really do get along but I'm looking for someone that can bring out my other sides and someone that I can enjoy a good banter #lol

 

Is this the person I want to spend my life with?


I have been single for years so we can skip this questions


What will make me happy?


The first thing that come to my mind is traveling. You see, I enjoy traveling, but I'm not an avid person for one. Really not the wanderlust vibe kind of people that travel for experience and culture and need to go around the world etc. I really only look at it as a way of spending your holiday. I'm also not one that want to spend energy into planning long trips too but I love doing short trips. It's less demanding and easily executable. This is something rather new that I come to understand about myself. I like the feeling of being in an alternate life and just absorb it all. It feels like a break for the mundane of life and give a chance for me to clear out my head. It's not necessarily being clearing out the stress but more on giving myself a chance to see things in different perspective. Let's hope for more travel!

 



 

  

 Is this worth it?


For now, my work is the only thing that got me thinking the worthness of it all. Is this really worth to spend my entire life for. I'm barely a year into this new environment of working that is really ideal for my growth but I'm starting to think how this might not be it entirely. It might not be someone that I want to see myself being in the future. I need to do a total career change if I really pressed on this further. I'm giving myself a few months to think this through first and the necessary life adjustment I might need to venture if I really do want a career change.


Is this the job I want in 10 years?


Oh god, I don't expect that this question directly linked to my answer in the previous question. For now, I'm 60% sure that I don't want it in 10 years.


Do I miss him?


I don't know. There's red flags but again, we don't really know each other. I'm not sure if I actually miss him or the ideal of him or the good times we spend with each other itself.


Do I have any real regrets?


I don't. One thing I always come to terms with whatever thing life throws at you is that - I always looking at it as a life experience. Simply a way to learn more about life and myself. Even if I did something regretful, I'll try my best to accept it and move on.


What goals do I still have?


I don't have goals. I don't know what I want in life. I'm living one day at a time and only do necessary changes when I feel that the current on isn't what I want. I'm good at knowing what I don't want. However, pursuing writing a lot more seriously seems good.


 What impact that I want to make?


I'm fairly a simple person. I don't feel like I need to make an impact. If my writing could give an impact to whoever reading it, that would a good kind of impact that I would greatly appreciate.


Do I want a family? 

 

 A partner, yes. A family as in my own kids, I don't feel that those are meant for me.



             

 


Are my friends really my friends?


Being 29, I think I'm settled with the few friends I have. That I can trust wholeheartedly. Yes, they really are my friends.


Am I a good friend?


I can't vouch for myself for sure but I would be more than willing to do anything in my power to help my friends.


Is this the city that I want to live in?


I have never been able to see myself living here back home. However for a year or two from now, I feel like I need to be here for my siblings and it feel the most right thing to do. I've been thinking about how I love living in Kuantan. I used to think that such cities can be a good place to live in and indeed it is. The six hours journey really isn't it though. Probably would be a better choice once the trains are ready?


 When was the happiest time of your life?


There are multiple occasions that makes me feel happy but I like to think of this question to be one defining and monumental occasion which I don't have yet. Maybe there'll be one for me in the future.


 Am I a good daughter?


Again, I can't vouch for myself plus my father isn't really one that talks out stuff. My family is everything for me and for that I will do anything in my power to make them happy.


 Am I a good person?


I get to interact with lot of people working in retail and being in pharmacy especially means people who are in need of help. It's basically my daily basis. I always reflect myself after assisting a customer. Did I really helped them out? Did I really listen to them? Was there any bias involved? There's pressure of needing to do sales, I'm not going to deny that but I always hope that I really, really helped out. That my suggestions are only those that benefits and that I didn't give false expectations. I hope I'm a good person to them.




 


Do I care what people think of me?


As of at this moment, I care too much. I let some things get to me too easily and too much too. Not all, just some. I'm not one to care too much actually so for me to be this bothered just exhaust me. I thought I got a good grip of myself at 29 years old but it seems new environment warrant me the chances to still improve this part of myself.


Should I feel guilty about cutting someone off?


I would say that I don't open up much to people and for the past few years of my life, having to live alone, I become so comfortable with myself. I don't necessarily feel the need to always be with peoples. I'm content with the few friends I have and the occasional meeting up with old friend or new people. It also means that I just don't feel the need to be connected with people I don't enjoy their company. It's kinda natural now. I don't feel guilty whatsoever. It is what it is.


Are my friends the friends I want for life?


Yes. See, here's the thing. Peoples around my age usually has a partner or has already married. It's just imposibble to stay connected to them as they also have other people they need to commit too. What this also means is that it's not easy to build a new friendship too so I don't see the possibilities of making and investing new frienships in the future. So, there's that. I'm grateful that the ones I have now are great but that's quite a POV now doesn't it?


Do people respect me?


At first, I thought this is a stupid question. How can you know if a person respects you? I think we can gauge something from how people response to you but that will be extirely up to how you perceive things. Then again, knowing this objectively could really help your growth too.  


 Do I care enough about my body?


I'm not sure if this question was meant for body image or body health. However, it feels better to direct it to health. I've learned to be more concious about it but sadly, I'm not doing much to maintain it. I want to first improve my diet as in eat healthily and on time and like at least get 10k steps per day. I should really put more effort in this as I'm starting to feel I get tired easily and can hardly focus well too.


 Can I speak up for myself?


I can and sometimes it can be such little thing which I don't even realize it was me speaking up for myself. It could be that I feel "you're having a wrong assumptions about me" so now I'm "just clarifying". However, I wouldn't put myself as far as being "the change" in an uncooperative situations but to the very least, if the situations permits, I don't have a problem to walk out from it too.


 Is it too late to change?

 

Of course not. Especially if you put out effort, surely there's a mean for you to effectively adopt change.


Do I need someone?


I used to think I'm independent enought that I don't need anyone. I could simple wait. Now, however, still as independent, I feel like needing someone to be there for you is such an assuring thing to have in your day to day life. So yeah, I do need someone.


Do I need more?


The more thing I need in life right now is feeling accomplished and satisfied with whatever I'm doing. Be it at work or vacationing, I yearned to always make the most from it and it could differ from one situation to the other but there's a little "I've done it" achievement that I want. I'm still that "living life one day at a time kind of girl" but now I value those feeling of achievement more conciouslly.

 

 Am I ready to be an adult?


Yes I am. It might be only a partial of how the society perceive what an adult is, but on my own term, I am and seeking to always be a better version of it. I'm also learning my boundaries and with that I'm also learning to not be intimidated by others.


Have I challenged myself?


I have and I want to challenge myself more.


Will I found love?


I really don't know. As I told before, having someone feels good of course but I'm not obsessed over it. I would feel bad if I can't find anyone though but if it is meant to be, it will be.


 Do I have the life I wanted?


I don't know what kind of life I really wanted. There's some aspect in my life that I still want to venture around more and see how it takes me. For the past 5 years, I've been moving around few times and get to experince multiple workplace environment. If one thing I have learned is that 20's or even 30's can still be early to simply settles down. Life can offer so much more for you to really understand yourself better and knowing what kind of life you wanted.


Am I really 30?


        I'm 29 actually but yes of course I am really turning 30. So what? 


 

 

 

 

 

 


 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Living Late Twenties : Of Not Living Alone

Oct 5, 2022

I think I need to continue my "Being Present in Life Writing Challenge" so that I feel, you know, more present in life. The issue is however, it was initially catered to my life living alone. It kinda feels irrelevant now that I live with my family again. I have to admit that it does feel a whole lot better to have my family around whenever I'm having my slump mode. So to commemorate my current way of not living alone, I feel like I need to highlight whatever different things since. By since I mean two months. 

Wau, it has only been two months only lol.

To start with, I've been doing lots of renovation-ish or sort of mending around the house now that I'm actually living here. For the past two months, I've been in bouts projects mainly focusing on our upstairs space. 

A few years back, my parents did a big renovation on our upstairs space which added three more rooms and a medium-sized common space. My siblings who were still living here hardly use the rooms save for my brothers whenever they are back. However, for the past few months, my siblings started to use these rooms and I am currently sharing one of the rooms with my sister too. We're a big family. As these spaces weren't used before, it wasn't really comfortably room-ish save for beds to sleep on. So I put myself in doing bits of renovation projects here and there to make the space of better use plus having the common area become more comfortable for us to leisure around or do work.








This includes putting up more storage space stuff and making my sisters follow my rules of putting things away, repurposing or recycling old stuff whenever possible, having some new fixtures and I even went into hand sewing stuff too because I can't be bothered to actually learn how the sewing machine work. 

Don't worry, learning how to operate this sewing machine is on my to-do list. 

I've been repurposing an old dressing table, upcycling this old wooden sofa set, reorganizing our study tables, reorganizing the clothing cabinet, putting up curtains, putting up a more organized way of keeping the tudung and shawls, mending old pillows, mending the old iron board and I even set up timetables to make sure the laundry is done and the space were all swept. 

You can see mending and recycling stuff is quite a theme but I have been throwing out tonnes of old stuff too. Funnily, that also involves breaking up and packing things and having to throw them away in another dumpsite area as they won't be picked up by a garbage truck. I was actually amazed at the length I have achieved in mere two months because I am very much still working as usual. I do have my sisters who helped around though so that's a bonus.








Recently, as I am 90% done with having designated places for our stuff, I have also put in efforts to make my sisters adopt "clean as you go" behavior. These kids are lazy I told you. Nevertheless, it feels so satisfying seeing the space now all comfortable being used by them accordingly. 

We also have a small balcony upstairs. I wanted to turn it into a cozy small space to chill but since it is small, I can hardly fix much stuff there. I did come up with an idea to put fake grass there and have already bought it. So now we're waiting for it. We can probably just chill on the grass lol.

I still need to do something about the common space and reorganize some more stuff. Also for some reason, the lamp in one of the rooms simply won't turn on and we don't know why. Probably needs to learn about that too. Just a few days ago, I put up some simple wall decorations in one of the rooms and I feel like I need just one more clothes hanging space and be done with it. The wall decorations need some more touch-ups to it but I don't have any idea at the moment. Probably a visit to the shop will help. 

In the meantime, I spent some time hanging out with my family and friend too. My sister had her graduation the other day and almost the whole family got Covid-19 the week after. I finally watch the latest Dr. Strange movie and even Thor: Love and Thunder during my quarantine. I was lethargic for the whole week so I barely do anything but watch either Netflix or Disney Hotstar. We went to Air Force The Movie too and it was good. I got to try some new eating place around here and tries to cook more during my days off. I've been watching more Criminal Minds nowadays and simply loving it. 









Work has been a bit dull since it's a new shop. I was feeling demotivated too since I can't do many sales due to multiple reasons and it kinda put a toll on me. The most cliché thing is since it makes me more demotivated, whenever there is a customer, I went quickly assess even the slightest bit of rejection body language of the customer which is simply a depressing first mindset approach in retail. I need to keep on reminding myself to believe in my capabilities and to stop overanalyzing everything. It's tiring really.

In the meantime, I'm also trying to use my free time to actually learn more about products. I think I need to be more conscious on setting daily goals to in order to make myself feels more accomplished. I also need to read more books in order to get the gears in my brain to move more too. I still didn't start any reading through though #lol.

I'm still settling in. These are all new norms but I guess since I'm single and my friends are all far away, it's good to be in a close-knit circle back, especially my own family. I still miss my life in Kuantan. If I were to live alone, that life is ideal.