What Do I Understand About Self Love

Aug 24, 2019

Maybe I'll read a book about self-love one day. I got the rough idea what self-love is but to learn more is also important plus this term is coined during the era of information technology and globalization so Googling it makes sense. Also, I hate most self-help book.

By the way, this is going to be long and all over but I love it so much.

If you Googled the definition of self'-love, it will state the meaning to be - regard's for one own well being and happiness. The source was Oxford. I looked into Urban Dictionary as well because we are so 21st century that way and it states that it means - to unconditionally spoil, value yourself and accept your self-worth. Putting yourself first so you can grow externally and internally for YOU. It’s a value that shows and symbolizes how much you appreciate and accepts who you are and not who you’re told to be.

Urban Dictionary got it beautifully done, isn't it?

It's funny that I choose to write this at this very exact moment because someone I know close just got into an anger rampage on the most menial stuff (he has the worst anger issue) and made a very stupid decision. I think he thought it will be satisfying because he thought the decision will affect those he got mad for but then no one actually got affected. Everyone knows well about his temper that no one actually cares anymore so now the one actually got affected is only himself. His ego is what hindering him from accepting that he got some serious anger issue. This is one of the main reason why I choose consciously to control my own ego. 

I don't want to end up like him and that is me loving myself more.

He actually knows that this in turns making his life depressing but instead of admitting he needs to change, he blames others. He can choose not to let his anger get the best of him, not to let things creep into him so that he can live better. He needs to choose better. In the end, the choice is for him. The choice is because he loves himself and for me, that is one important factor why empowering self-love is important. It was for the most important person - you.

Image result for gif flower field

Psychology Today (a magazine publisher of the same name based in New York and had articles written by actual psychologists and academics) had this beautiful article about self-love. Read it here to learn about their advice on how to achieve self-love. What intrigues me is that actions - be mindful, practice self-care, know your limits, forgive yourself and the very way you choose to live your life is not how self-love works but having loving yourself more is what affect these choices. This in turns makes you feel better and empowers you to be better. In turns, when you do more, you'll feel even better about yourself and it helps you to love yourself even more.
Self-love is dynamic.
There's another article from mindbodygreen.com. This is a website that focuses on those holistic approaches which also includes astrology that I usually steer away from but I like the steps that they shared. I realized that I did most of them and those steps make me feel a whole lot better but I only decided to do it when I start to choose things for the sake of I love myself more.

Out of the 10 approaches, I realized I did seven of it which is

  1. creating a self-love ritual
  2. an inner understanding "what's working for me" list,
  3. clean out my closet, no more comparison
  4. explore my spirituality
  5. do something I good at
  6. build my letting go muscle.

They state that these steps are what helps you to achieve self-love but for me, I will have a hard time really makes an outcome out of it if I don't love myself first. I think it was about a year before I can confidently say that I got to be able to all those seven things. Yup, self-love takes time.

Realizing your worth is what will help you to fuel all those actions and motivates you to do more but at the same time, when you love yourself more, doing all those actions might not be needed. That the way to love yourself doesn't mean the same for everyone. Yet, it is also important to not be affected by how people choose their way of loving themselves such that you think you're not doing good enough. Loving yourself means to know your limits and to respect those limits.

What you do now is enough and by time you'll hone your self-love spirit enough to power you to do that next step. The time will come accordingly.

However, I do believe, to care for your physical well-being is mandatory. You don't actually need to be super strict with your diet or a fitness enthusiast but you still need to watch what you eat and live an active life. This opinion of mine is heavily influenced by the book "Ikigai" actually. Their lifestyle just makes sense.

Life Living GIF

The funny thing is, these choices that I did, I only did it because it makes me feel better. I keep on choosing things that will make me feel better. When did I realize that what I practice is actually self-love? It was BTS. Yup, that k-pop group.

They were promoting their Love Yourself series but I never really put much attention to it. Even though I keep making these choices that make me feel better, there is still this nagging question in me - am I even worth for all the self-love thing everyone been talking about? I just thought I wasn't at the stage to think that self-love is anything applied to me. Not until they released a song called Epiphany. I never knew. That was when I made myself really question self-love.

The Epiphany in the song is about how the singer finally realized he actually need to choose to love himself first. That even though he might be flawed, he still worth to be loved. There's actually a longer backstory to it but the lyrics itself is so beautiful.

The song Paradise also made a profound impact on me.

Image result for paradise bts lyrics

My Greatest Weakness

Aug 16, 2019

I have two, very prominent trait, which I deemed both as my greatest weakness. I know using "the" implies that one most thing, but in this case, I still wanted to use these two traits because it was obnoxiously opposing.

I am an egoistical person but at the same time, I am very self-conscious.

The irony here is that I always mitigate my self-consciousness by reasoning with my ego such that no one can touch me. 

Here's a case study - I always thought myself as the not pretty one. I have lots of acne scars (the fair skin in my Twitter is make-up, in case nobody believes me) and to add that up, I gained so much weight this past year so now I was like "I am gemuk and tak cantik". Save that petty talk "everyone is pretty" because everyone knows it is only true up until a point. Those petty talk never helps me when I always avoid long eye contact because "they will make comment about acne" or "to sit up straight and choose loose clothing" so that the didn't point out those flabby stomachs. People are cruel. They never thought they are because "it is a joke" and "I'm a concerned stranger" are apparently the license you needed to point of flaws. 

But I am a well taught, 21st-century millennials with 90's childhood plus a hint of gen-z spice, I know I shouldn't feel this way. 

Image result for millennial gif

I realize being ego make it easier for me to fuel my idgaf soul which in turn helps me to not wallow myself in pity. The problem is that I am an egotistical person first before I realized that this self-assurance came from my ego side. It has helped me tremendously to not become too immersed in other people opinions of me but at the same time I keep on qiestioning myself "did I just fuel my ego side this way?". I have realized I am such an egotistical person since matriculation and have since then talk myself out consciously to admit openly when I made a mistake or when I don't know things.

I'm not sure if these are weaknesses but I really spent too much time reasoning with myself about this. Like how people taught of my appearance daily or how desperately I try to hide when I don't know stuff at work so that I'll not be looked down or how it is so hard for me to ask help from others. I'm pretty self sufficient so that's a plus lol.

I'm pretty sure many people experience these but since I am so self-aware with my emotional state, I just over analyse everything.

Put that up too, overanalyse everything~

Mona Lisa, Blog Ideas and twtblogger_MY

Aug 13, 2019

I have planned to write three posts in August but it's already the 13th of August yet I haven't written anything. Today's is Tuesday but I can see how I am so not able to write anything for the whole week so yeah. 

By the way, check out the newly made Categories section on my sidebar. I decided to highlight that three categories and have spent about half an hour just to tweak those and also re-tagging my post. I need to go deeper but I guess that could wait. I need to update these first.

mona lisa

I wanted so much to share this so here it is. I'm not sure if you guys notice but Balai Seni Visual Negara has been hosting Leonardo Da Vincci's pieces for the past month. Not the actual ones, I mean how on earth they will transfer the very wall that holds "The Last Supper" mural, but it was this hi-tech camera thingy with another hi-tech lighting stuff that allows you to view the pieces as if it was the real thing They also made sure to also capture the deteriorating condition as well. I sit through the entire explanation of the process, that's why I know this.

It was held for a month and "conveniently" I was busy on all weekends. I was afraid I didn't get the chance to see it. But since I worked the night shift on Yang Dipertua Agong's coronation day, I got the day after off. I requested for off-day on Thursday too and that is how I ended up suddenly at BSVN, alone, in the middle of the week, to watch Mona Lisa and The Last Supper.

I'm not an art aficionado but I love looking at the art pieces from this era especially those from churches. For me, it was just beautiful, intricate and the detail is mind-blowing too. I let myself absorb all the details. The Last Supper is so big. 

The Annunciation

My favorite is "The Annunciation". It just looks ethereal and the details on the flowery grass carpet are just so pretty. It was also an interesting POV to see how they hold sacred on their Christian teaching and just how the same but also contrasting it was with Muslim teaching. But as I said before, it matters to me because it is prettyyyyyy.

blog ideas

Although it seems impossible for me to write all those three posts. I should at least have a specific topic to write. I did state in my August's target to make this list. Basically, I wanted to write two topic for that four main themes I wanted to put in my blog namely (1) self-discoveries, (2) self-love, (3) mental health and (4) life hacks that would fit into the first three themes.

The first and second theme seems interchangeable, isn't it?

So here is the topic -

  1. Self  discoveries: My greatest weakness + 30 Things That I Love About My Life
  2. Self love: What Does It Mean To Love Yourself + Journaling for Self Love
  3. Mental Health: What Is Mental Health + How Are You (I want to write something to prompt people into thinking  more about their mental health status)
  4. Life Hacks: Self-affirmation + podcast

These are some wild topics for me but I'll try my best. I want to write these because I want to learn as well. These topics just feel right for me so I'll give it my very best.


I made a twitter account meant for a good space for us and it was slow. I got confused on what the heck I should do and my self-consciousness is always trying to get the better of me but I persevere, guys, I persevere. As much perseverance it is lah since the account was only live for about three weeks only lol.

I'll stick through even if the hype is not much. Ok, probably as long as there is some, I'll keep on going. I am amazed how much self-motivation I poured into this but I know this is for me. It is mainly because I want it to work out so bad plus I am dedicating this as my current life project.

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July is The Past and August is For Blog!

Aug 6, 2019

I did a poll to decide a suitable name for a Twitter account meant for that community blogger and it seems that @twtblogger_MY is leading. Once we figured out the name, I'll come up with a logo and make that account. If this sounded confusing for you, just read this, this and this.

(update - the twitter account is LIVE! Follow us @twtblogger_MY and join the #bloggerchat)

Glad to get that out of the way, now for life updates. 

I still didn't do my half-year review since I don't have the time to do that just yet. I was honestly going to go to sleep since I still need to work tomorrow (plus, today is Monday for heaven's sake). But you know what made me turn on my laptop and write? My warm tea. The still-warm tea that I made two hours ago in the spirit of updating my blog but now it's already 11.30pm but I don't want to betray my tea so yeah.

As I have told before, I don't have any goal set for July but decided at the last minute rather suddenly to use the last 10 days of July to do three things everyday namely - 

made my bed, drinks 2L of water and sleep by 11pm

I successfully did my bed every day except for this one day that I got other stuff messing my room thus it feels like mehh to make my bed when my room is a mess. It was good going home to a made bed because it makes me try to also make sure my room isn't a mess too. I'm not a messy person but I usually just leave my morning hassle and put things back when I got back from work. It is more therapeutic to go home to a tidy room and be able to go straight into chilling. I remember feeling a bit bad on that one day that I didn't make my bad. I didn't think it will affect me that soon.

As for drinking, I bought a new tumbler that holds 2Lof water. I think it was on the fifth or sixth day that I drink just a little more than 0.5L because we were so busy that day that I don't even get the time to drink. Back home I got so tired and went to sleep early. There are few days that I think I only get just a little more than 1.5L. I don't think drinking water really do anything instead of peeing more often. I've been doing it for sometimes because drinking more water makes me feel hydrated and cool but that's just about it. I still keep in mind to at least drink more plain water but I don't feel the need to drink so many. The new tumbler is staying since it is easier to track how much I have been drinking.

Last but not least, sleeping early, if 11 is considered early. Funnily, the very first day I started this challenge, I got a night shift. My sleep schedule always goes funny for at least another day after it so no sleeping early for those first two days. I think there are about one or two days that I got busy so I only went to bed at 11 but the rest I really did try but I can't and by the last two days I gave up. I think I'm good with sleeping at 12 am for the rest of my life. My sleeping schedule is always fixed this way too even on weekends so yeah, not sleeping early than 12 am for me. 

The goal of that three habits for 10 days is a win-win thing. If I keep doing it, means it is good for me to do but if I don't, I got to reflect why I don't and sees if it is just a matter of discipline or just learning my body boundaries.

Ok now for August!

Ever since I decided that I have a blog niche, it feels more purposeful to have this blog. I did a little tweak here and there, try to read more blog that helps me understand more on how I wanted my blog to be presented and most importantly, getting into more knacks that helps me to connect with more blogs. These knacks include getting in Bloglovin, using Disqus and do more research on a good community blogger out there. I found one good community called Bloggerstribe that I actually like (I don't know why I'm so picky like this). It seems to have more blogger with a writing style that I preferred and a rather interactive presence (as interactive as twitter can be but it is honestly the admin did a good job).

Now in the midst of all that I forgot one most important thing. I don't have content. I keep on thinking I am this now but I have very little to show that I am what I say I am. 

My new niche is all about self love, self discoveries, mental health and lifehacks/tips. Basically, it is a means for me to be better in my life. So now for August, I will focus on my blog content which means (1) more reading and (2) more writing.

August to do then includes - 

  1. List out TWO topics for the theme of self love, self-discoveries, mental health and lifehack/tips each.
  2. To publish at least three topics.
  3. To learn more from other bloggers aka read more blogs
  4. To go through with my Malaysian community blogger project.

I am so excited for this but now it is almost 1230am and I'm afraid I will wake up late tomorrow and MY OUTFIT IS STILL NOT IRONED.


Do You Guys Need a Blogger Community?

Aug 3, 2019

The title is actually the whole post. Yup. Can I just stop here and let you guys comment if you want it or not?

But alas, pfft. This is me you're talking about, I always have something more to say.

I have been blogging for almost 10 years. Oh my god, I'm old. Yet I have never found any good blogging community-ish stuff which is based in Malaysia that helps me to grow as a blogger. Grow here means to be able to make a good blog that blog what I wanted (in this case, a lifestyle blogger) without the need to do those random articles just to get more clicks or that "follow for follow"/"comment for comment"/"click ads for click ads" culture.

That what happens in most blogger clubs I have joined in those early years. They do help in getting the blog more recognized and the blogger does get bonded well but it wasn't fulfilling for me. I stopped getting in the blogging community until two or three years back when I realized there are more good blogs that I loved to read (especially those on my blog-list widget).

Am I the only one who overthink this stuff?

Anyway, that has made me blog more these days. It was more fun. But we still lack a means of community.  So come the second question, do you guys also need a mean of community cause I think, as long as it is online event, I can cater it. Of course, I am delighted if there other people who wanted to help me.

The idea is for me to be a simple moderator and I am not going out of twitter. So I'll probably make a Twitter account (call it @malaysianbloggerr probably, we need a cooler name) and probably have a weekly thing like a blogger chat and monthly thing like a topic for us to write about and thus share our thoughts about it.

I need an active participation of course and twitter sends better exposure than other social medias.

So what do you guys think? Am I daydreaming or this is doable?

Comment your thoughts and suggestion here and since I'm using Disqus it will serve a rather good means of discussion too.

Disclaimer, I am so not doing this to publicize myself or my blog, I just need a good Malaysian based community and if this goes well, everyone can benefit from it?

So, do you guys need a blogger community?