What Do I Understand About Self Love

Aug 24, 2019

Maybe I'll read a book about self-love one day. I got the rough idea what self-love is but to learn more is also important plus this term is coined during the era of information technology and globalization so Googling it makes sense. Also, I hate most self-help book.

By the way, this is going to be long and all over but I love it so much.

If you Googled the definition of self'-love, it will state the meaning to be - regard's for one own well being and happiness. The source was Oxford. I looked into Urban Dictionary as well because we are so 21st century that way and it states that it means - to unconditionally spoil, value yourself and accept your self-worth. Putting yourself first so you can grow externally and internally for YOU. It’s a value that shows and symbolizes how much you appreciate and accepts who you are and not who you’re told to be.

Urban Dictionary got it beautifully done, isn't it?

It's funny that I choose to write this at this very exact moment because someone I know close just got into an anger rampage on the most menial stuff (he has the worst anger issue) and made a very stupid decision. I think he thought it will be satisfying because he thought the decision will affect those he got mad for but then no one actually got affected. Everyone knows well about his temper that no one actually cares anymore so now the one actually got affected is only himself. His ego is what hindering him from accepting that he got some serious anger issue. This is one of the main reason why I choose consciously to control my own ego. 

I don't want to end up like him and that is me loving myself more.

He actually knows that this in turns making his life depressing but instead of admitting he needs to change, he blames others. He can choose not to let his anger get the best of him, not to let things creep into him so that he can live better. He needs to choose better. In the end, the choice is for him. The choice is because he loves himself and for me, that is one important factor why empowering self-love is important. It was for the most important person - you.

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Psychology Today (a magazine publisher of the same name based in New York and had articles written by actual psychologists and academics) had this beautiful article about self-love. Read it here to learn about their advice on how to achieve self-love. What intrigues me is that actions - be mindful, practice self-care, know your limits, forgive yourself and the very way you choose to live your life is not how self-love works but having loving yourself more is what affect these choices. This in turns makes you feel better and empowers you to be better. In turns, when you do more, you'll feel even better about yourself and it helps you to love yourself even more.
Self-love is dynamic.
There's another article from mindbodygreen.com. This is a website that focuses on those holistic approaches which also includes astrology that I usually steer away from but I like the steps that they shared. I realized that I did most of them and those steps make me feel a whole lot better but I only decided to do it when I start to choose things for the sake of I love myself more.

Out of the 10 approaches, I realized I did seven of it which is

  1. creating a self-love ritual
  2. an inner understanding "what's working for me" list,
  3. clean out my closet, no more comparison
  4. explore my spirituality
  5. do something I good at
  6. build my letting go muscle.

They state that these steps are what helps you to achieve self-love but for me, I will have a hard time really makes an outcome out of it if I don't love myself first. I think it was about a year before I can confidently say that I got to be able to all those seven things. Yup, self-love takes time.

Realizing your worth is what will help you to fuel all those actions and motivates you to do more but at the same time, when you love yourself more, doing all those actions might not be needed. That the way to love yourself doesn't mean the same for everyone. Yet, it is also important to not be affected by how people choose their way of loving themselves such that you think you're not doing good enough. Loving yourself means to know your limits and to respect those limits.

What you do now is enough and by time you'll hone your self-love spirit enough to power you to do that next step. The time will come accordingly.

However, I do believe, to care for your physical well-being is mandatory. You don't actually need to be super strict with your diet or a fitness enthusiast but you still need to watch what you eat and live an active life. This opinion of mine is heavily influenced by the book "Ikigai" actually. Their lifestyle just makes sense.

Life Living GIF

The funny thing is, these choices that I did, I only did it because it makes me feel better. I keep on choosing things that will make me feel better. When did I realize that what I practice is actually self-love? It was BTS. Yup, that k-pop group.

They were promoting their Love Yourself series but I never really put much attention to it. Even though I keep making these choices that make me feel better, there is still this nagging question in me - am I even worth for all the self-love thing everyone been talking about? I just thought I wasn't at the stage to think that self-love is anything applied to me. Not until they released a song called Epiphany. I never knew. That was when I made myself really question self-love.

The Epiphany in the song is about how the singer finally realized he actually need to choose to love himself first. That even though he might be flawed, he still worth to be loved. There's actually a longer backstory to it but the lyrics itself is so beautiful.

The song Paradise also made a profound impact on me.

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