Roll On : Change of Life (Part 1)

Aug 9, 2015

One thing about me is that i, myself, find me rather complicated.

Have you ever felt that you need to change yourself. Like 360 degree of change. To be a better self of course. I always do.

But then never does do anything. I found this blog I like to read it as it makes a better self is doable. Just that the  "do" part was not coming at all. He listed the reasons why and 75% of it is me!

So, let this be a change.

Bismillah real hard.

One most important thing is that to change yourself, Allah must be wanting it or else nothing would happen. To be in the willingness of Allah, your change must something benefited Him. Well. What is a life really is if it is not for Him.

This zen guy, Leo, told that in other to kept motivated I myself need to find a reason for the change that i want. That I need. A reason personally important for me and I knew right away that it must be for Allah.

I am not a pious woman. I sinned much and regrets and do it again and regrets some more. I am those ignorant stupid persons who knows but not doing. I want to change this. To be a better servant. Hopefully with the changes that I aim to do I will then get the strength to do changes to give myself a higher ranking in Allah's eyes.

It's a long term plan.

Roll on : Hopeless lover part 2

Aug 4, 2015


Konon la mak kiah sambung part two, from the last post.

Hopeless it is.  I sometime find myself to indulge to much in unrealistic day dreaming. It is hopelessly helpless.

My friend got a rush of some sort from my previous post. It is an exciting of a subject though for me it is merely a dream. I got myself few crush troughout my life. Movieactors and singers usually. In rare cases, an actual person in my life. Which is weird since i could not really see myself in an actual relationship which them.

As i say before, a hopeless lover.

Fun topic to be discussed aye.

I should do this more. Talk about random unimportant think.

Because i can.

Oh. I could reach "myself" when i Googled my name. My friend thought it is something popular though really, it isnt. I mean berapa banyak la orang feymes named Afifah Addnan to be Googled for right?

Felt lonely today and i have 2 cups of coffee.


Roll on : A hopeless lover.

Aug 2, 2015

Assalammualaikum peeps.

I am writing from my phone!

Haha, kind of exciting to be able to write from wherever and whenever. As long as my phone got data and the battery is good. Xiaomi 3 it is. Cheap and does the work that i need.

Funnily, to choose this time to write. I just woke up. Wash my face and currently drinking my compulsory morning Coffeemix. In my aunt house.

I got this urge to write about my dream. I really really sort of get off with hopelessly "romantic" dreams. I will woke up with this flowery feelings even though i sometimes can not remember a thing about it.

And when i woke up. In those groggy and half awake kind of waking up, i'll get back to sleep whereby i subconciously able to control my dreams. Something called lucid dreaming if i'm not mistaken. Why i do it? Cause i'm a hopeless lover. Typically like most of the girl out there but i don't do those so called ronantic malay drama.

Anxious bout the dream?

My friend and I, in the dream, know this guy that i like. Which i tried to avoid causei thought it is a one sided thing. We were at this market and wanted to go home now which he happily offer a ride. With his big bike. I like big bike cause it fast and not attach to traffic jam and looks damn cool. Funnily in the dream it look doable to ride it with three people. But i decline because at the same time it does not look doable.

Talk about weird logical thinking dreaming.

Mind you i try to avoid him cause  dont want to overly like him. So i say i dont want to and magically a girl comes to me, sort of a highschooler, asking for directions. Which i knew but quite complicated to explain. So i assure him i'm okay and i gotta help that girl. So away he went with my friend. Trough some tricky path with seemingly dark place plus supposedly the place change a bit so i need to ask around for that secret shortcut, i found the girl's shortcut to her destination.

Funnily, i kind of see glimpse of the guy when we were walking but he mysteriously sort of went the other way making me think i must been mistaken. Finishing my heroism, i went to the place i saw him but could not find him.

Romantically, feeling dissapointed thoughi am the one who decline at first, turn around and he is there right behind me. With a cute sulking face saying sort of"are you done now? Can we go back now?"

I got the brightest smile. He actually wait and follow me secretly through my long journey to help that girl. It is not really one sided now isn't it?

He help me with my helmet cause it ia suprisingly big. My dream got dimension problem. Also he help me to get on the bike and i don't know why the heck i am wearing a long skirt so i kind of really need his help to get on the bike.

I really kind of those cute hopeless girl needing his guy which is totally the opposite in my real life. But it was pleasant.

During the obviously slow slow ride, i felt quite off balance so i needed to hold his tshirt quite thight. And then there is rain, so i hugged him a bit. And then we found a phone on the ground which he dutifully follow my request to pick it up and we leave location of the phone to someone and put it back where we found it.

And i woke up.

I might be deleting this post. Bye.