Tinder, Work and Anxiety - A Month In Writing

Jun 28, 2022

It's 10.22pm, 4/6/2022. I've been craving to write but I can't seem to find enough energy to simply sit with myself and focus. So, although I decided to sleep five minutes ago, I changed my mind and write this on my phone. We'll see how many days it will need to finish.

First, Tinder. I told here before that I wanted to try dating. But oh my god I can't do this online chatting at all. Plus, I would need people to put heights because HEIGHTS MATTER. I'm sorry that I am biologically indoctrinated to not be attracted to men that are short. You can reject me for not having fair skin and not being skinny, I am totally okay with that.

Long story short, there's no one interesting enough save for this one guy. This guy actually makes me realize that I really do have a type. I thought it was just a simple preference, but no, this is a lifestyle choice indeed. It's fun and kind of eye-opening that now I am able to realize this part of me. Who would have thought some random guy so far away from where I am from that I met randomly on Tinder got me to understand myself more and even give me the chance to feel more feelings. 

He ghosted me though. I think? We do have this notion that I am not seeking anything serious and that I am not staying here for long. I hope he wasn't an asshole or something because that would be a bummer. But still, thanks for the experience.

I wonder if I can meet this kind of guy again. I don't think I'm doing Tinder anymore. I got bored too easily and I think the very fact that we actually meet right away is why I don't feel like simply bailing him. 

Oh my god, is this my karma because I ghosted people on Tinder? But everyone ghosted everyone on Tinder though.

Anyway. There's that. We're back to all man is boring and a drab and I'll die alone with my own money living in some ✨fancy✨ old folks home. 

I wanted this Tinder story to sound more romantic than this. I think I'll write two or three more poems and calls it a closure.

(fast forward to 21.6.2022)

He still ghosted me.

Anyway, we went for that sleeper train trip! Since we went back the next day, we spent the time exploring Kelantan. It was a short trip but we got to do so many things and if anyone asks, the sea at Terengganu is bluer and prettier than the ones at Kelantan 🌊🌊🌊

It was my friends here that did the itinerary and we got to eat so much good food. That is truly the biggest highlight since we were all so bored with the daily Foodpanda orders for lunch.

Back to the matter at hand - work.

I finished the assessments with the outlet's manager earlier this month and now am waiting for the oral assessment with the HR people. This is presumably the hardest part and I only texted HR today to ask when will it be done since there's no news up whatsoever for three weeks already 🥲🥲🥲

I like lah writing on my phone, I can put emojis here.

I am doing so much better at work now. I no longer feel so depressingly gloomy as I used to when going to work plus the timetable is so much more sensible now since there are new staffs now. I can actually sing on my way to work and that speaks volumes.

Getting confirmation faster would be a whole lot better of course. 

I still needed to learn more. But having this better headspace helps a lot in learning more efficiently. I'm trying to be more proactive but still am able to make more sales. It's a tricky balancing technique for me but I think this will help me to gain more knowledge, experience and quick thinking too. 

Having said this, my anxiety is considerably much better now. It is almost a freedom. I also try to dress better of my own accord as those help me feel more confident = less anxious. I do need to declutter my vanity table as those are really getting on my nerve now but I just don't have the time since I either want to sleep the tiredness away or there's a new cafe to go to.

We went to lots of cool and beautiful cafes around Kuantan. Since we went during weekdays, there isn't much crowd which makes the experience even more better. The food is so damn good too. I have the smoothest latte and I even tries to drink matcha. 

I might make some peoples mad but matcha really be another fancy way of drinking milk. I think I like the umami one's better.


I've been having bouts of simply not wanting to do anything. I don't really feel stressed out or any of the usual anxiousness - I just don't feel like doing anything. It is most probably a burnout and it lasts for a few days sometimes. No matter what it is, I think it is most probably some hormonal thing, what I know for sure is that it is a vicious thing to be in since it means I'll close fewer sales and end up bummed up seeing my poor performance when the day ended. This month particularly was rather bad since I need to cater two outlets and were doing more non-sales kind of job. But I'm loving the more experience I've been getting doing these odd jobs.

I met another Tinder guy the other day. It was a short meet-up since he was randomly in town and I had just finished my shift. I didn't use Tinder anymore, he was just some guy that I give my number to because I don't want to open Tinder anymore. He was those "open-minded" kind of guy. People really be abusing the word open-minded but we had an interesting conversation, especially the part about me disagreeing with things and that he constantly thinks I need to change my opinions on things. It was weird. He constantly thinks as if I can't think for myself and that he has the better look at things. I was having fun simply contradicting him but not enough to keep me wanting to continue the talk.

I am rewatching Criminal Minds and I forgot how hot Hotchner can be. I keep everything on hold until I feel bored again watching Criminal Minds. I think I might stop until at least Gideon is out. I do however finishes Mugen Train Arc. I might continue Entertainment District Arc first after my Criminal Minds fever finishes

Today is my day off. I want to read a fiction book but I feel like Murakami's one would be suited me better but it's hard to find one. I was thinking to go to a bookstore and if I can't find any then I will simply buy online. To my surprise, there isn't any fancy bookstore here in Kuantan and there's only Popular and it is in one of the less famous malls which means I am literally going into that mall for Popular.

But we're going to the beach though so that's fun.