How Are You?

Oct 6, 2019

I ate cereals and milk at my night shift the other day because I always got hungry and my milk is nearing expiry. We even have plastic bowls. This is written way before it was published.

So, how are you?

Let's get real, how are you? 

By "how are you' I really mean - How are you feeling these days? Is there anything fun you just did? What was the last book you read or the last movie you watched? Did you get sick recently? How did you feel waking up this morning? Is tomorrow exciting? How's your favorite celebrity is doing? How are your parents? Is there anything bothering you? Are you tired? Is the last meal you ate is good? 

Can you answer all of my questions? If you can, how are you feeling right now? If you can't, what question and why?

Those are the things that just struck me when I was looking through my own life so that I can figure out what will be the relevant questions to ask and thus so that I can understand "how are you" really is.

As for me, I'm currently doing my night shift and there isn't much patient. Probably because of the rain. So now I'm writing while eating my cereals, with milk, from a plastic bowl.  I just knew the day before, that I didn't get a permanent placement as a pharmacist in the government hospital. So, unless I got another job, I'll be jobless exactly one year from now. 

Yesterday, my colleagues randomly plan to go shopping for these cute baju kurung at this cheap shop so now I got one new pair of baju kurung and two new scarves. I wore one of the scarves right now. We even went to dinner together afterward eating my favorite food, chicken rice.

It was funny because I am devastated for not getting the permanent placement but at the same time, I just can't really get sad or mad because it was something that we all have been expecting for the longest time. Yet, a sliver of hope is cruel. Still, I just finished shopping and hanging out with my colleagues which is quite something. I watched A Star is Born a few days before and finished Ilusaniti last two days. These are two things that shouldn't happen in close proximity.

Today's update - we wore the baju kurung today and took some photos. It was fun until the staff asks me to go a little bit behind so that I will look slimmer. She means well but shit hurts you know.

What I want to say here is that, are you aware of what really been happening in your life lately? Is it good? I'm not asking it to be good as in "you did something for the world" but just, is it good enough for you? Count the blessing, even the littlest one, and if it doesn't feel enough, why? This isn't a motivational call to help you become the best etc, etc, this is just something you need to be aware of.

I've worked exactly two years now and I realized that everything gets mundane one day. It wasn't really a bad thing cause what we're doing now is essential for the nation's health and for that, I'm proud of what I'm doing. I'm glad that my work doesn't bother me after working hours and the mundane of it made it easier to just go to work, focus and just leave it once the clock hits 5. I still got time to read, write and spend a leisure weekend. 

Reading that about me what do you think about yours? I love this part of myself. Where I notices these things and how it affects me and what I needed to do if I need to do anything. Even when I can't do anything, I can at least, figure out what I can do to just make it bearable. Sometimes, acknwoledging those feeling is good enough.

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