Roll On : Do you have friend?

i am a Stormer (read it as Bastille-fan-too-much)

and here i am,

i love to start out random. it just felt fun to do.


******

have you ever miss some one so much and it hurts a bit too much cause you know you are not going to see them again. such disappointment. the helpless feeling. it's bearable. but .

i am SO not good with people. i learn to do things by myself. it's kind of Encik Addnan children guide 101. i usually have my own stuff so usually i didn't really need to ask others. that is also because i have been thought to think further ahead. feeling like running a fever thus going to the clinic and get me some med. by myself. always skeptic to other. but i like to help others.

is it bad not too have someone i can rely on heavily? i don't have that person to suddenly do stuff because you are my best (?) friend so we should be doing everything together. even though it troubles them. i hate to trouble others for my very own benefit. though an ideal best (?) friend was not suppose to feel troubled.

i do don't care much when helping others. cause really, i do it cause Allah sees it and i couldn't bear the thought if my friend is in trouble yet i can of a help. na-ah. i bukan nak pewasan (a housemate of mine can't pronounce R , it sounded like W, having fun teasing her that it ended up i am using it all-the-time).

i'm not saying i'm a good person, i really am far beyond that.

i even "choose" to help. if you were taking advantage of me or if i see you are doing well even without my help, i am not helping you. and i USUALLY know if a person is using me.

-yeah, kind of pissed.

do we need such friend?

it felt good though.

i have two other sisters about the same age of me. and this folks are the best. i can run them done and still ask some more help. they will be there. always have. i thought, maybe i felt contented with them.

at junior school, our day school (normal math and science class), we went with our mom. my mom is a teacher. it's a bit far from our house. so basically, my friend at school was not staying near to our house.

we do went to evening school (religious based school) which is close to our house. yet most of our friend at school living at other housing area. long story short, i don't have much school friend near my home and living separate day and evening school kind of draws me back.

it's a big thing if you don't share that day school story at evening school and have friend near to play in the weekend. it create this gap. but i still playing with neighbours' kid. they were all gone now really. most were children of marines which means they move around.

at high school, i started to built this friend. but it was not much. i think it is because we have matured a little. catching a glimpse of what a friend really does mean. but we don't go and play like kids at this age of course. and walid is strict that we don't do hang out thing. back in the day, all the females students usually were that conservative. we don't go and hang out. just there. in the house.

by matriculation, the first time ever i have been away from house i learned that people have this friend to count on and it is really okay. you don't have your family now. it is these friend. i learned that thos staying a boarding school previously have understand this better and earlier. and now i am starting to learn it.

and i made myself some friend back then. such good and ideal friend whereby i do everything with them. it was a genuinely happy feeling.

it was awesome. it was bliss. it was happy.

WAS.

the next thing i learn about people is that, then can stabbed your back. cold heartedly. with no regret.

and with that my fellow reader, i learn about trust issue.

at matriculation, on making this good friend, i learn to give my heart all out. it's okay and the right thing to do. yet it crushed on me so hard.

pursuing degree, meeting more people, i learn that there is no perfect person that suit you. that wouldn't be stabbing hurting and stuff.  at matriculation, when i give my heart out, i accept them for eveything. now, i can't seem to accept them if they were hurting me.

i choose to reject them.

reading "Looking for Alaska" I realized i was wrong. so i accept others back and make peace with myself. i learn the beauty o friendship lies in the gives and takes relationship and most of all to accept and be at best to make the most out of it. if the trait really a self destruct trait. a friend would try to mend it. or else accept it for it is them. accept it sincerely. but i still do keeping part of of myself to me. well, maybe quite a large part.

i made a balance. a live with and without good friend. maybe it's because we are selfish that we want others for ourselves. yet we empathized that we also give ourselves to them. i cant help shakes this feeling. this reasoning. i mean, do perfect and ideal friend exist?

it really does exist.

walid shows us it does.

when his friend's mom dying and he was travelling the country yet hop on right back to continue miles away journey just to be by his friend.

when his friend come right back at first eid to be with walid when we were at lost.

or that stupid time when walid lost his car keys that his friend travel back (across country) to give the duplicate.

and that time his friend when literally crazy and it was dead challenging yet walid was still by his side, until now.

these friend. were gems. diamonds. golds.

i can continue on living with these current good friend of mine, the ones i learn to accept their flaws, and still enjoying my life. will they go the length for me? i don't know. honestly i don't. i don't even know if i'll reach them for help or will i be quiet as i have always do. i don't know. there is nothing to expect.

i do know that i myself is not the best of person. i might not even be worth it for all the reason. i don't do this awesome friend thing. i might not even be able to be this friend.

but, how does it feel to have this friend?

i want to have that feeling.

gimme this guys and it would be enough. haha. sorry to ruin the moment.












Roll On : Be driven. At all time.

Have you ever felt so-not-motivated to do anything?

I always love the urge to do something. To feel excited. I love the satisfied feeling I got when I finished studied something but somehow I could not get such feeling on study week. I thought it may be because of the stressed and all. The pressure to do well. The thought that I will be dealing with lives and that my exam result kind of reflecting my future patients life's.

Urghh.

BUT. I love study. I really weirdly do. I love to venture new thing and understand it. It's an amazing feeling. Just that I'm not a fan of exam. Though I understand the paramount needs for it. It's a love-hate relationship. It's complicated.

This lack of motivation. It can be of anything. Not only studying. Maybe at working or relationship. I am in so much denial to go for the "adulthood" when I will graduated.Either way, my issues is that, whhat is i can't get motivaated and driven at work? Part of it maybe because of the repating cycle of work life as well as the thought of work is to get you money. I hated that. I want my work life to also be a part of my life. I kept on thinking that I don't want to be different at work and not working. I want all of that to reflect me.

I can see some well example of this lack of a person "life" on working. They are happy. But I don't seem to comprehend how work is separated as a money generator for the other side of their life. It's like I need to be this for a thir of my life so that I could be living "my own the other two third of life" Although most of them seems contented and happy, I don't feel such liking to  that kind of two-life.

I don't want the one third of my future life to be an alien on the other two third of my life. I want to be that me at work and off work. That this is all me. Not some one who is living a separate life. Like now when we were studying. This is the friend I am at study and at fun. Yet this is also me reflected in my work or at hanging out. At sharing knowledge or at babbling nonsense.

No, i don't mean to be a workaholic. Me doing work is off outside working hours. I just want that feel of I have done something worth the entire of my life. That i am not wasting any. I don't want to be stucked at something that could not excite me. I don't want to be a workaholic or something. I just wanted to be happy and driven to do anything that I want to.

DRIVEN.

One way of it is to do is tabligh (to deliver). As is to share kindness and word of advise. I do believe if you make your work as a way to improves other people deens', it would work at all times, at work or not. You could be driven to improve yourself so that you can do tabligh better.

The fun trick is that, you were doing Allah utmost order. That everything you want to do or somehow made to do, will eventually work out.

be content.





Roll on : about hating people.

I really doubted myself a lot when I hate someone. Usually I would wonder if it is really the wrong doing of that person or simply because I have initially build this hate to them.

The main reason I have this doubt because I don't do hating people. It feel quite absurd really. But I always get annoyed with people.

It is two very different thing. Yet i am pretty sure that my annoys is in the generally understanding of all as hate.

Anyway.

Back to the issue of self-doubt. I know why I don't like people. It is usually a thing they keep on repeating doing without caring how people feel or simply don't understand that people do feel offended. The doubt arise because I thought that maybe it was my ego. Do i feel i am better than them?

I got big ego issue. I might hurt people and people might tought i don't care about their feeling. The truth is I usually can put myself in others place. It is something about caring too much about the simplest stuff. However, still, i hurt and i do it purposely.

Does my ego come into my head at judging people? Does everything that make me annoy/hate to other make every simple not-right thing they do seem so wrong? Or does that it is their essence and then because i hate this essence that everything they do not seem so right on my eye? Can we hate a people simply because it is them?

I really do tired of people that annoys me. Either I give them the cold shoulder or simply said something sarcastically hurtful. Either way, i am doing way better without them even talking to me.


But either way, people sucks. Not all. But once in a while, even the best of people will do. Even me. Because not everyone can come into the same sense as you. So do you.

But i hated it since i usually tried to find the best of them and understand them so that i dont hate them so much.


It usually don't work.


Guess back to become ego then.


Roll On : See the bigger picture

We keep this love in photograph - Sam Tsui and KHS making an awesome cover; currently on it as i keep on writing.





I used to handle some programmes and need to make some BIG SHOT decision. The pressure was intense. I am tensed. But at the end of the day, I learned so much.

One most VALUABLE i developed in the process is PATIENCE. I used to be quite hot tempered and being in these situations, with the amount of ignorance and stupidity people shows, is not going to be solved with that. Plus, it makes me more tensed. So patience is my solace.

I need solace. to be at peace. my peace is my catalyst. but, this world is chaotic. Peoples are chaotic. So what i had developed by this is to still be in control of myself regardless the pressure.

How?

We always feel overwhelmed with things. My things may not be such an issue for you, but it is an issue. Same as, if I say I can't understand why you issues bothers you much cause for each of us, different matter, matter to us. ACKNOWLEDGE THAT.

You must first know you shits.

Know your limits. Know what bothers you. HOW it bothers. What cause the issue. Can you go around it. What you can do.

GET 360 DEGREE WITH YOUR SHITS.

That is what i've done, I get personal with my issue. I learn to understand it thoroughly. Give myself options. What happen if i do this. or this. What to do know. PRIORITIZE. Most importantly is that i get myself the biggest picture.

If i got lots to do, i see the picture for a few days ahead. What to do today, do i need to withold this because i need to do other things which i need it done before tomorrow. Or do I give this shit today and other shit tomorrow. to be able to planned this out properly i need to see the bigger picture, to expect things. Know at what thing you need to push yourself more. Do i need extra effort somewhere.

Extra effort is still needed. Those burning the midnight oil and running all over the places is still necessary That is the beauty of this thing. Know how and when to make really go over the top because you can do it. Human are wonders. Your mind, body and soul is awesome. You can do many things. Don't let yourself stucked simply because "i have always do this like this, i can't do more". I really really REALLY believe we can be anything if only we trust ourselves. Give yourself the CHANCE it really NEED. Let them prove that they can do wonders. Get to know how strong they can be.


FEEL TOO OVERWHELMED?


Please don't shut yourself out. Well, actually, i always do that at the beginning, usually by sleeping it off or watch a movie of something. If an issue bothers too much, you need to distract yourself, go play something, get your mind of it. THEN START FRESH!


Think fresh.
Lastly, be calm.

You know your limit now. What you can do or can't do. You have given everything their own time. Finish it ONE BY ONE. Get one thing finish completely before you go on other things. Be at calm and dont feel rushed by other people.

YOU GOT THIS.

wanna share how i get attached to this guy

Roll On: At lost and At Trying.

There are much BIG things happening now and I am never be much more taken with problems as i am now. I usually able to reason myself, to justify the issues and stop worrying. But this time, i keep on reassure myself  again and again and still have this troubled feeling.

Sometimes, we do really need to think long and hard on what were happening and critically assess what does it implies on our own life. Cause Allah always meant what He give to you. It moght be hard but it is never less not needed. Never. Then think, how others may carry on, those who have the same problems as you but are more less fortunate. How they are able to get out. Be those silent stalker and see what actually they do that i may need to do.

MAY need to do,

You never really need to follow other way simply because they have done it. You can do it much more as you but still be betting the same result though. Having said this, do trust yourself. Like truly trust yourself. Yesterday is a history. A stop. An end.Today is a new day. Just do what you want. Start as fresh as you need and never be troubled by yesterday.

BUT you NEED yesterday.

Not only your yesterday, but other yesterday also. Mistakes are beauty. Imperfection is perfect. But we just never really want it. So learn to avoid doing it by studying it better. Understand why it happen and how to not be happening. Learn to embrace it if it does happen. But never be to scare with the POTENTIAL of it and thus putting a barrier in your effort.

Lastly, CONFIDENCE.

You always can do it. FULLSTOP.

just don't be so hard on yourself, they can do wonders if only you trust them and let them be.



Roll On : Killin myself

when you happy like a fool.
let it take you over.

:)

I am currently on the bus heading back to UKMKL. I am at PPUKM now.

You see, people tend to postpone things that made them uncomfortable. Things they perceive as HARD. I am always doing this, hence, procnasting. I am talking about my thesis. It is already the fourth week but I only get 10 patient to answer my questionnaire. It is really stressful. But i am laughing of it.

I am giving reasons since i gives effort. Though i realize i need to give more. Also i need to study which cause me shuffling my time between so. I really really want to achive the original target of this questionnaire.

Then our timetable was shuffled. Annoying really. I got my appointment for my acne tomorrow and they scheduled a class tomorrow. And i only knew this TODAY. Yeah. Suck.

I am scared at to many things.

I am still not managing my life best. I need to look deep into my time and study and thesis management.

I want to write badly in my blog but i cant get a coherent points. I am literally babbling one topic to others.

See how messed up i am now?


Roll On : I'm scared.

little that people around me know, my pimples do affect me. much.

But not until lately that i realize it started to affect me damn much and there is really not much for me to do. At this stage I need to be medicated here in KL if i were to adhere to it.

I am scared how it may affect me forever. The scars also. And i cant treat the scars if the acnes were still there. My skin get too sensitive and too thin. I am scared.

My dad thought that I care less bour it. But I really do care just that i get clueless whenever to stick to a plan. To make thing worse, the many ways to cure acne need a loooooooooooong time of dedication.

Today, I went to see my co-supervisor of my research. But it is not for my research. Still felt at lost since i was free the entire morning which could be use to do my survey but i ended up reading Who Moved My Cheese since i can't be registered as patient of PPUKM due to system break down. I think i waited for a good 1 whole hour.

My co-sv turns out to manage dermato cases (but not the specialist one, she refers me to one). She offered to help me seeing my acne worsen after the exams. Well. It usually does worsen but not this bad really.

The offer was about 1 month ago. I can only went to see her today. Just to register and get an appointment. I was told it would be free. It is but i have to pay uo first the claimed it later. It require those guarantee letter (GL) stuff which I DON'T KNOW. The best thing is i didn't get my scholarship which means i can't afford
to pay.

Mind you i can only realize this when i come up to the counter to pay. Oh ya, did i tell you I FREAKING LEFT MY PURSE BACK AT MY HOUSE.

i went back and forth (ppukm and ukmkl) to settled this. I can only get the GL next week. I still didn't check if the claim need to be done here in UKMKL of UKM Bangi.

One to another.


But still I get a really good vibe out of this plan. It seem to go to the right direcrion. I know the medication she was planning for me in which i'm sure it will helps.

Whoever reading, pray lah for me. T---T

These only cause more fear for me. But as the book say, i need to adapt. To work it out.

Tired leh.

Oh.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha folks!


Roll On : Change of Life (Part 2)

que sera sera
what will be, will be
the future is not ours to see

i don't know why on earth those song lyrics popped into my mind.

greeting. myself. pffftt.

i am now an official fouth year student in UKM KL. kind to think of it, this blog really not helpful at all for those who were interested to learn about the life of UKM KL students. though it should be. but whatever la, my blog kan.

my friend told me it is kind of tak boleh blah that i babbled about myself here. well. it's kind of therapeutic at one point and really i just want to voice myself out. to clear out stuffs.

again, MY blog kannnn.

changing my life. so how it has been going? to start with. i don't start at all.

oh my. such a hopeless human being. need a wondrous miracles to happen for me to become a good pharmacist eyy.

that zen guy have this ebook for a kickstart on changing your life but it says that i need to spend some time and read the ebook in one go. and i am like, okayyyyy. kejap lagi eh.
source

and it kept going on like that. however, i am most certainly wanted to try to finish it tonigh since writing this up kind of put me on those go mode.

say positive thing.

I WILL READ THIS FREAKING EBOOK.

but, it is kind of a great sem. i am going to spend 2k for my yuran and stuff which is few hundreds more than what i used to pay because i am living in a FREAKING CONDOMINIUM.


source

i get low merits which entitled me for a condo. fancy huh? the great thing was that my housemates were extremely well organized and diligent. so i kind of jangkit sikit-sikit lah. alhamdulillah.

the plan now is to keep writing under this tajuk so that i keep track of my change.

ZEN GUY. HERE I COME. uhuk.


le zen guy

Roll On : Change of Life (Part 1)

One thing about me is that i, myself, find me rather complicated.

Have you ever felt that you need to change yourself. Like 360 degree of change. To be a better self of course. I always do.

But then never does do anything. I found this blog zenhabits.com I like to read it as it makes a better self is doable. Just that the  "do" part was not coming at all. He listed the reasons why and 75% of it is me!

So, let this be a change.

Bismillah real hard.

One most important thing is that to change yourself, Allah must be wanting it or else nothing would happen. To be in the willingness of Allah, your change must something benefited Him. Well. What is a life really is if it is not for Him.

This zen guy, Leo, told that in other to kept motivated I myself need to find a reason for the change that i want. That I need. A reason personally important for me and I knew right away that it must be for Allah.

I am not a pious woman. I sinned much and regrets and do it again and regrets some more. I am those ignorant stupid persons who knows but not doing. I want to change this. To be a better servant. Hopefully with the changes that I aim to do I will then get the strength to do changes to give myself a higher ranking in Allah's eyes.

It's a long term plan.

Roll on : Hopeless lover part 2

Assalammualaikumm.

Konon la mak kiah sambung part two, from the last post.

Hopeless it is.  I sometime find myself to indulge to much in unrealistic day dreaming. It is hopelessly helpless.

My friend got a rush of some sort from my previous post. It is an exciting of a subject though for me it is merely a dream. I got myself few crush troughout my life. Movieactors and singers usually. In rare cases, an actual person in my life. Which is weird since i could not really see myself in an actual relationship which them.

As i say before, a hopeless lover.

Fun topic to be discussed aye.

I should do this more. Talk about random unimportant think.

Because i can.

Oh. I could reach "myself" when i Googled my name. My friend thought it is something popular though really, it isnt. I mean berapa banyak la orang feymes named Afifah Addnan to be Googled for right?

Felt lonely today and i have 2 cups of coffee.

Pffft


Roll on : A hopeless lover.

Assalammualaikum peeps.

I am writing from my phone!

Haha, kind of exciting to be able to write from wherever and whenever. As long as my phone got data and the battery is good. Xiaomi 3 it is. Cheap and does the work that i need.

Funnily, to choose this time to write. I just woke up. Wash my face and currently drinking my compulsory morning Coffeemix. In my aunt house.

I got this urge to write about my dream. I really really sort of get off with hopelessly "romantic" dreams. I will woke up with this flowery feelings even though i sometimes can not remember a thing about it.

And when i woke up. In those groggy and half awake kind of waking up, i'll get back to sleep whereby i subconciously able to control my dreams. Something called lucid dreaming if i'm not mistaken. Why i do it? Cause i'm a hopeless lover. Typically like most of the girl out there but i don't do those so called ronantic malay drama.

Anxious bout the dream?

My friend and I, in the dream, know this guy that i like. Which i tried to avoid causei thought it is a one sided thing. We were at this market and wanted to go home now which he happily offer a ride. With his big bike. I like big bike cause it fast and not attach to traffic jam and looks damn cool. Funnily in the dream it look doable to ride it with three people. But i decline because at the same time it does not look doable.

Talk about weird logical thinking dreaming.

Mind you i try to avoid him cause  dont want to overly like him. So i say i dont want to and magically a girl comes to me, sort of a highschooler, asking for directions. Which i knew but quite complicated to explain. So i assure him i'm okay and i gotta help that girl. So away he went with my friend. Trough some tricky path with seemingly dark place plus supposedly the place change a bit so i need to ask around for that secret shortcut, i found the girl's shortcut to her destination.

Funnily, i kind of see glimpse of the guy when we were walking but he mysteriously sort of went the other way making me think i must been mistaken. Finishing my heroism, i went to the place i saw him but could not find him.

Romantically, feeling dissapointed thoughi am the one who decline at first, turn around and he is there right behind me. With a cute sulking face saying sort of"are you done now? Can we go back now?"

I got the brightest smile. He actually wait and follow me secretly through my long journey to help that girl. It is not really one sided now isn't it?

He help me with my helmet cause it ia suprisingly big. My dream got dimension problem. Also he help me to get on the bike and i don't know why the heck i am wearing a long skirt so i kind of really need his help to get on the bike.

I really kind of those cute hopeless girl needing his guy which is totally the opposite in my real life. But it was pleasant.

During the obviously slow slow ride, i felt quite off balance so i needed to hold his tshirt quite thight. And then there is rain, so i hugged him a bit. And then we found a phone on the ground which he dutifully follow my request to pick it up and we leave location of the phone to someone and put it back where we found it.


And i woke up.


I might be deleting this post. Bye.






Roll On : Life and Industrial Training

*tiup habuk*

Hi "me" , since i really think it is me that i am writing too. I love reading how i used to be. i am that people who believe we CAN change.

Life have been super stress and i got face full of pimples to prove it. The thesis work and exam have really put a toll on me. I never thought i actually can be this stress. Partly because i kind of finding that drive to drive. Being lazy and procnasting person not helping though i am quite impressed how i could still manage it.

I am at home now, getting my reset. Home is always a good reset place for me. I do nothing really, esppecially during ramadhan and having my period. It is just being in this house alone have this destressing effect. Of course having my sisters to talk with were extemely joyous also.

But, i am only home for 4 days and in one hour i need to get into the bus and went back to KL for my industrial training. The wifi at college down AGAIN. I think i am going crazy living alone and work and back to college and work and back and hopefully i am rajin enough to go to my aunt house when i got a day off or else i WILL GO FULL RETARD. I hope i could help myself to love the work. PLEASE.

i want a change of life. God knows how much i tried and fail. to become more rajin, more productive, more of that and less of this. Typical life improvements. It's not like i am in the realy wrong way of living. On how things go around now cause we know that almost all student like me is like is like me. 

But i want a change of life.

Be the neXt Mark Zuckenberg of some sort.

Hey Nurul Afifah Bt Addnan! YOU CAN DO THIS!



Random


that time,
when the one person you really in need of,
is the only one person you should not care of.

[10.3.15]

Roll On : Tarbiyah 2

Tak per

nah senang pon bila mana yang lebih melalaikan tu lebih direlakan.

Malas. Itulah masalah utama aku. Ya Allah, bila time period lagi lah makin menjadi. Period aku sebelum ni lama. Dekat 10 hari. Bayangkan la bila dah suci, nak mula solat itu ini dan nak menghafal lagi malah nak tilawah pon rasa berat yang amat. Aku jadi cuba memaksa diri tapi bila keadaan memaksa je aku mula berbuat sesuatu.

FUTUR IMAN KATANYA.

diam diam makin hitam hati nya
diam diam rasa salah tapi seminit cuma
diam diam nak ubah pada esok yang tak pernah tiba
diam diam setan itu kerja tak henti
diam diam kau keras kan hati
diam diam kau makin jauh makin lupus
diam diam setan itu tak pernah pergi
bising bising la sikit 
sentapkan HATI

hati adalah satu kalut yang besar. oh. tapi hati boleh dididik dan dibela. dibelai dan dibentuk ikot kemahuan. kemahuan tarbiyah.

disiplin adalah pemain utama.

arghhh.


 

Roll On : 10 Blog Posts I Love.

Roll On : 11 Things In My Room

The challenge is still on!

I think it's better to be listing things in my room in college since it is really my very own room. At home  we share rooms and i have my things all over the place. Hee~

  1. Sometimes I have fresh flower on my desk
  2. My board was full of everything including my badges collection.
  3. Big mirror. I need to have at least a mirror allowing me to see full view of my tudung.
  4. Meja lipat lipat tu. I despise normal table sometimes.
  5. My shoes. Since i stay at college more and need to go to places i have my important shoes here in college instead of homes. I pakai selipar je kat rumah.
  6. I have my ironed tudung tie on a hanger so it become thiese rays of tudung and i hung it on the wall so it's looks sort of decoration and its more fun.
  7. All my stuff animal pillows. Only one is actually a gift while the other two were bought since i need small pillow. Funnily, it is only rm10 for 3 stuff animal. Pre loved items. The other one i give it to my friend.
  8. I have my own printer.
  9. and multipurpose cooker
  10. plus of course a water heater.
  11. and LAPTOP. I'm able to actually be living in this room.

Roll On : What I Do To Present Better

Peoples may misunderstand me for being a well-spoken person for one or two occasion whereby I can talk good. Sort of lah. I have this friend who speak great in front of audience and somehow having the strangest stage fright ever. The point here is that all of us can do speak well in front of many people but we just have to know the "how" of it.

This is mainly my experience especially because we do need to do lots of presentation. Sadly not many of us actually good at explaining even though we have been doing that for quite sometime now. Most of us, so-called "professionals", simply read from slide. It is quite sad actually.

The main problem is that most of us, yes us, me included, is just too nervous. This post also aims not to fight nervousness in presentation but also in daily conversation etc etc in life.

The most important thing I notice is that to be able to explain better is to understand is best first. I mean to really understand it. Some of the better students here which explain better do avoid jargoans although we can understand the jargoans. It is simply because the explanation will be easier to be conveyed. Speaking in simpler languange also help to  make people to pay attention to you especially for us since we need to talk in English. Yes we were good at understanding English but using simpler language require less work in translating thus making people less distracted.

Say you want to approach people to ask for something like sponsorship for example, if you understand you goals and your programs better you can easily recollect points when asked. You would easily become less confidence when you can't deliver what the person want to know. One thing will lead to another and may makes you even nervous. So please gets your fact together! You may not have much benefits for the company you approach but the "care" that you show would give some impact.

Next, especially in presentation, please use less words in your slides. There is these techniques we learned in matrics named CASPER techniques. You can read it more here (it's in malay) which basically tips on doing better slides. Many of us would either don't know or don't care about the right techniques to do a slide.

You can't crammed all the facts.
You may omit certain point.
You have to show out the main point in bullets!
Many more do's and dont's we didn't practice.

some good tips.

Some say it is easier since we can simply read it when we nervous. I think this is why we become even worst in presentation since we have this "life jacket" plan. It will not improve your nervousness since you have been accustomed to this safe plan which actually destroying you slowly inside. (Quite exaggerated but i like the sound of it. Hee~).  If you have done my first tip, to understand better, using simpler words will help you deliver better since you need it to organize your thoughts only.

After that, PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE. Nothing can beat the power of practice. Don't trust those propaganda saying you need to be yourself etc etc. I don't believe in myself when I'm not prepared because I know that I will resort to many foolish decisions when I'm nervous. Don't you have those feeling when you do something and you like "I can do better than that". Yes you do only when you are well prepared! You are not the real you when you are not prepared. That "unprepared you" is mistakes bound to happen and that is not you.

Afterwards, set your mind that everyone is the same. Allah have created everyone of the same equality. No one is more superior that the other. Especially when you try to do presentation when everyone is at your age and understand nothing of that topic that you will present. I mean, you might messed up  the facts yet none will realized. *evil laugh* . Ok. Having this thought actually calms me since I know they want to know (or in my case they have to or else the can't answer exams). Most importantly is that I realized that no one really that keen on remembering your mistakes anyway. The funny ones , maybe , but it won't do you any harm. Just stop being nervous and give your very best. Not for anyone but you yourself.

I always have this thought to put myself in the place of people who will be listening to me and imagine if i messed up my words. Yup, nothing too bad would happen in y exaggerated dream. You would only saying the wrong facts only to be corrected by the lecturers or people declining your offers which then you can go propose to other company better. Especially among your friends, the may even consoled you afterwards since they understand your situation anyways.

If you are feeling more diligent, go find out some youtube clips to see how better peoples doing better presentation. I would sugget Steve Jobs since everyone is so keen on his presentation whenever Apple have new product. He really is something.

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Last but not least, I can give you thousand of tips but none would work if you didn't understand the gravity of the problems here. Fresh graduates is so horrible at speaking confidently, including me. Many have mistaken that peoples were born with it. You ares so wrong. It was learned. I notice if you have that kind of parent which nurture you to this path you can be that outspoken-friendly person.Yes, the person that you see can be well spoken ones were also learned it by their parents way of raising them. Stop thinking that it is not important because many of us feel too comfortable in this spot when we as a student need to move forward.

Like this articles HERE. We are too selfish~



Roll On : Cheating Mr Hungry

Well, i hate feeling hungry and even worst i sometimes crave for weird stuff which is hard to get. I'm hungry and still become this picky person.Yeah. Not fun at all. Even more annoying, i might have ate much but yet still hungry because i'm a malay and i need rice.

Hungry means more food and more food is not good as i'm not an exercise kind of person. Just nahhhhhh.



Hee, ok lets get the fact straight. I still jog and stuff but really, i'm not that into it. I'm not that good in sport. That really make it worst because i hate jog since it was so boring and i can't play games. Arghh. I need to change this. Anywayyyyyy.

Actually, you can cheat your hunger. Funny huh. It helps as i hate snacking. Peoples will become healthier if we could avoid snacking plus of course eating the right amount. Talking about the right amount. Make sure you plate of food look something like this picture below.




Lets us starts now!

  1. Breakfast! Breakfast! Breakfast! Eating the right breakfast help to feel hungry at the right time.
  2. Drink some plain water before a heavy meal. It helps to makes you feel less hungry thus avoid you from taking more food.
  3. Having said the second point, drinking plain water help to reduce you hungry-ness.
  4. Sometimes, by simply ignoring it, you will stop feeling hungry. Distract yourselves.E
  5. Avoid being around food. Actually, our body response to food unconsciously such that it prepare us to eat. Yup, it makes you feel hungry without you noticing it.
  6. Eat more fibre. Fruit and vegetables of course. Basically we feel hungry when our stomach is empty. Fibre stays longer in our stomach plus with very little calories as to chickens and cakes.
  7. Make sure to stop before feeling full. You know that so full of food feeling and that just enough fullness that you need not anymore food. IDENTIFY THAT. You actually will eat less than you always do. Thus you can eat less but frequently that will prevent you feel too hungry thus eats too much.
  8. Stress out making you hungrier? Nope! You brain is playing a trick on you. Basically, eating gives this "happy" feeling. But the "happiness" actually comes when you swallow the food only. Thus, you were feeling "happier" each time your mouth have something. Not because the fullness! Quite mindblowing right? This actually makes me think twice when i'm hungry.
  9. There is also a sunnah to help you eat less. Take a pinch of salt before eating.
  10. EXERCISE. Most effective of all. When you're tired and i don know, something happen maybe. I always not hungry after jogging although before that i want to eat many things.


There is more to this. I myself listing this according to what i have read and i have tried for myself.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, eat the right portion at the right time and have regular (blueghh) exercise.


Roll On : 12 Facts About Me + Personality Test

If you realize, i'm omitting more challenges because it just doesn't make any sense for me.

So now, simply telling about me will be boring for sure and also i have done it for a segmen i've joined (it's in malay). It consist of ten facts thus i'm going to add two more and plus a little twist.

I'm a sanguine first and a choleric second. I have briefly explain about this two thing before but i just can't find it. I may have deleted it or failed to publish it. Anywayyyyy. 

This is actually regarding a personality test i've done. The test will show what personality you have the strongest and the next 3. Yup, it basically groups peoples into 4 main group.

Sanguine
Melancholic
Cholerisc
Phlegmatic

The test is known as Temperament Test. You can test yourself too via online test HERE. I still test myself and still get the same result.

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i am so a daydreamer. it's my way to past times.

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can dominate huh. Well, the idea is that , don't simply check this and that and be over with it. Takes a step further. Check the score you get for each other temperament also to see how strong or weak you are at other temperament. Get the insight on things you need to improve. I am strongest at sanguine and being a sanguine not all about hyperactive and fun, the strongest weakness is that we are so lazy . I would love to be as consistent and more relaxed of some sort like a phlegmatic.

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if you all realize, these 4 temperament have a specifc theme or spectrum of traits. It really help to understand peoples but it doesn't quickly justifies a person. Bear that in mind! You might mistaken me as a phlegmatic when i'm on my period. Boo hoo.

People can change. Thats a solid fact. Choose who you want to be. This test help me to foresee my strength thus fortifies it and also my weakness thus improved it. I'm still trying to change myself for the best. Basically, all these 4 temperament need to be in balance and then you would become a better person.

Why i want to change?

I love the fact that i can become a better version of myself. Simply because it will also help me to become a better muslimah. For ummah and most importantlly for myself to get to HIM.





Roll On : 17 Words I Like or Nahhhhhhh

 Ok. I should have seen through all the challenge before i choose this one. To be listing names and words isn't something i was fascinating to do about.

How can i get to like a word in particular? The meaning of the word well that is another thing. It's more to hating that specific thing.

Also, you can't hate a specific word unless it give some more meaning into it when contructed into a sentence right?

 But then,

Nahhhhhhhh

I'm omitting this challenge. IT MAKE NO SENSE AT ALL.

CREDIT

Roll On : 18 Names You Like


What?? Why?? This challenge I've chosen is truly something.

Well, i'm not going to give 18 names. I'm gonna give you 99 NAMES! The best names of Allah with it's supreme meaning.

For example, Ustaz Nouman Ali Khan have excellently describe the meaning of Ar Rahman and really is super something. Go check it out HERE.

CLICK the picture to see it clearer


Roll On : 19 Quotes I Love

I miss this post yesterday since i didn't expect we will be staying at kampung. Opah staying alone and have mak long or mak ngah to sleep over at night. The life so close togehter but walid love the idea of having us in the weekend instead. I love it there. Kampung house is much more "freedom" feeling somehow. 

19 quotes huh. Well this is surely something. I don't think i'll be pulling much of peoples quotes though. Ayah from al quran and hadith will also be included. The list will be all over the place. Some quotes have some explanation to show how i see it but some might not because it clearly state the mening that i want. Some maybe in picture. So yeah. It is all over the place. Here it is.
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For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.   
[ Surat Ash-Sharh (The Relief), 6-7) ]

i'm touched how Allah stressed this point out twice. We see people bravely putting up at a problem when we ourselves are like clueless and headless. Feeling much in despair but we forget that Allah won't give us things we can't face and to top that off He also say that you'll be at ease. the problem is we put to much effort into thinking about another human being when we could simply put our faith all into Allah. Allah is the one who will control everything after all and then come the second quotes which is actually a duaa'

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I love this duaa. It reminds me that we human are too weak to even control our own desire and that how matter we scared how a human decision will affect our lives we forget that those decision were first decided by Allah himself ! Just prays to him that we will be granted the strength to fight the wrongs and do the rights. Don't get to caught up in thinking you are much too weak to become his best servant. The fact that you have those kind of thinking is actually a clue that He wants you. Show your effort. Try and try and duaa that he will make you strong. After that come this third "quotes".

But for your Lord, be patient.
[Surat Al-Muddaththir (The Cloaked One), 7 ]


sometime we face lots of different things that ought us to be patient and i get this ease when i found this ayah that just be patient for Allah. Allah love people who is very patient. He even promise heaven for those who is patient.

And those who are patient, seeking the countenance of their Lord, and establish prayer and spend from what We have provided for them secretly and publicly and prevent evil with good - those will have the good consequence of [this] home -
Gardens of perpetual residence; they will enter them with whoever were righteous among their fathers, their spouses and their descendants. And the angels will enter upon them from every gate, [saying], 
"Peace be upon you for what you patiently endured. And excellent is the final home."
[ Surat Ar-Ra`d (The Thunder) , 22 - 4 ]

 Someone do a sharing based on these ayah and it truly struck my heart. Everything start with being patient that eventually it is really this quality that will grant us heaven. It's not simply becoming patient when you become angry. It could be a whole lot of thing. Like patients on things you like.

O you who have believed, if you support Allah , He will support you and plant firmly your feet.
[Surat Muń•ammad (Muhammad), 7]
  
 Don't be afraid to do things in help of Allah deen's. Even though you think you will be facing problem in the world because of you have to neglect it for Allah, Allah will help you back. Not only help , He will  make you become even firm on it. Imagine that! 

Kejar akhirat, dunia akan ikut kita. Kejar dunia, akhirat jauh meninggalkan kita. 
Chase the afterlife, and the world will join us. Chase the world, the afterlife will left us. 

there is a book named "Indahnya Hidup Selepas Mati" which i bought because i got this weird habit of getting myself weird books. Peoples always buys books of that famous author and stuff but i simply choose at random. There is this one idea that books try to implant that makes us start to think that to die and return to Him is the most realistic life ever.

Want immortality? Then die.  

 then of course i have to share Imam Al Ghazali advices. It was such a good strings of advices that people need to take it seriously. It's in malay though, i can't find English one's.


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After that i just have to stress out the important of niat. It is the heart of an ibadah. It is very important that it is the very first hadith in Imam Nawawi 40 Hadith and the first rukun for all ibadah.


On the authority of Omar bin Al-Khattab, who said : I heared the messenger of Allah salla Allah u alihi wa sallam say :

"Actions are but by intention and every man shall have but that which he intended. Thus he whose migration was for Allah and His messenger, his migration was for Allah and His messenger, and he whose migration was to achieve some worldly benefit or to take some woman in marriage, his migration was for that for which he migrated." related by Bukhari and Muslim 

AND LASTLY




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well,thats all then! FINISHED IT :D
 

Roll On : My 20 (!?) Dreams


it's quite weird ey to be listing a sum of 20 dreams. let's us start now!

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  1. Becoming the best servant for Him. (cepat amin !)
  2. I WANT TO BE RICH.
  3. My first dream job is that i want to be a teacher. maybe because both of my parents were one. but that is a really long time ago like maybe when i'm in standard one. you see, teacher will have this report recording like the three ambitions that you want to be. i always have it changed all through the years.
  4. I also wanted to be a police. Kind to think of it, it is such a physically not suitable for me. ughhh.
  5. Then, at one time, i suddenly dream of becoming a journalist. It seems lots of adventures and fun to be covering stories and stuff. Well, i still think it would be a great job but Malaysia's media were quite scary. If you know what i mean~
  6. Oh ya,  i even have archeologist in the list. Dad was like all weird. What kind of archeological work left now in Malaysia after Perak Man thingy. It just seem a fun adventures. Like in those movies like The Mummy and Indiana Jones. Hee.
  7. But now, i just wanted to be the coolest pharmacist ever. 
  8. With my own business which would not be limited to pharmacy stuff.
  9. The most important thing is that i can retired at the age of 50. Keje pon belum dah nak bersara bagai.
  10. In the future, i hope my family will stay as close as now. Lots of job need to be done to keep that.
  11. I always love to be good at singing and yup, it wil never happen.
  12. I dreams of finishing reading all the wonderful books in my house. But i get bored too quick and it tooks so much time to understand it.
  13. I would love to learn arabic. It would be splendid!
  14. Work harder on my personality and appearance. I do really believe that you do need to put work in these two things. Some may say i'm not being all natural but that is quite an excuse don't you think. An excuse for you not to work. I mean just look at all those successful person out there.
  15. Becoming more rajin to do self-project like cooking and artsy thingy. I love it but were much to lazy
  16. To find out another four dream. Oh my god, i can barely think of any other stupid dreams to put into this list.
  17. I got it! I want to become like the coolest mom ever that have the best kids ever. I have plans babe!
  18. Making my blog become bigger.
  19. Having an online bussiness selling used stuff. #prayforus
  20. To appreciate people better. I mean to really show it.

Oh my. Finish my first challenge. See you tomorrow!

Roll On : Chocolate Moist Cake MURAH!


Assalammualaikum dan Hai!!

InsyaAllah aku ada buat bisnes sikit untuk jualan Chocolate Moist Cake (CMC). Actually bukan bisnes sendiri pon tapi untuk kumpul dana bagi program charity yang aku join sekarang.

Sebelum start dapat peluang jual CMC ni memang peminat tetap kot sebab murah dan sedap. Aku ni makan kek coklat cenggini coklat diakenalah banyak baru nak makan. Demand lebih. Dan CMC ni memang banyak lah coklat dia letak.

CMC ni ada area Kuala Lumpur dan kami tak provide delivery. Masalah transport. Huhu. Tapi harga memang murah lahhhhh.

kurang dari 100pcs = RM3
lebih dari 101pcs = RM2.80
150 keatas = RM2.50




Quickly!

Roll On : Human/Project (1)


i love going into people minds. Macam menakutkan sikit en? Jadi aku buat satu eksperimen kecil yang dengan fancy nya aku namakan "Human/Project". Ini versi pertama sekali. Sangat simple yang mana kena jawab satu soalan je. Versi akan datang pon macam ni la. Jawab satu soalan simple je.

The twist adalah aku dengan sengajanya pilih students universiti dan cuba variasikan kos yang diorang ambik. Sebab apa? Well, aku rasa lagi seronok belajar personaliti students lain + kawan aku sekarang mainly students

dengan bangganya aku persembahkan ,


Human/Project (1)

3 important advices for students out there ? (tiga nasihat penting untuk para pelajar lain)


Kenapa aku mintak nasihat? Lain orang lain force yang menjana pergerakan mereka. Boleh jadi sebab kita belajar adalah sama tapi orang ni lagi berjaya dari orang ni. Dan sebagainya. Kadang-kadang mungkin kita sendiri tak berapa paham macam mana nak gerakkan diri. Sebagai students memang satu cabaran la nak buat diri terasa bermotivasi 24jam.

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Nur Syahira Binti Jamel 22 Bachelor of Sport Science
- Always do the best to get better result. 
- Never give up in study and life. 
- Always think wisely before make decision.



Amiez, 22, Pharmacy
-Be awesome, study smart, be positive.


Raidah Hanisa Ruslan 25 Physiotherapist 
- Dont waste time    
- Read a lot of book not only related to your course because you are the future generations  
- Study because of Allah not to chase after high pay career 


Nurul Atilia Binti Abdullah,22, Dietetics
- Study smart, focus in the class during lectures and be modest.


Fir ,22, Medicine
- Our parents put their trust on you to study,, don't let them disappointed.
- Study, because your future depends on it.
- After struggling with studies, have faith on Allah, He is the best Helper 


Hirzawati Atikah, 22, TESL
- When you want to do something, just do it and don't follow your friends.
- Travel while you still can because the experience you'll have is very valuable.
- Follow your passion even though you might have to choose a different path than what you already have.   


CREDIT

Nor Syahira bt Hasnan,22 years old, Counselling
- Study smart
- Make your dream become true
- Enjoy your life
 
   

Hanim, 22, Accounting- Respect others
- Behave accordingly
- Act wisely 


Shela , 22, MBBS
- Choose your course based on your passion and make sure that passion lasts forever. Its really important.
- Try as hard as you can to achieve the success. Do whatever it takes ( in the good ways ) to make it a reality. Not just a dream. 
- Help people around you because you will never know that one day you might need their help. 


Nur Shazwani, 22yo,FFAR
- Betulkan niat belajar 
- Selalu berdoa dan usaha 
- Tawakal 
 
CREDIT
  
Nur Fatihah Ainun Hamzah, 25, Audiology
- Respect parents & lecturers,
- Study hard & study smart
- Be punctual
 


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Hmm, one thing aku perasan adalah students bukan la se klise di mana diorang just nak enjoy or tak matang or any stigma biasa orang selalu fikir. Kadang-kadang terdapat pelbagai potensi dalam satu-satu students tapi environment sebenarnya memainkan peranan penting dalam mengembangkan potensi ini. Sangat mengharukan bila mana "the force" dah ada tapi "the path" adalah masih kabur.

Apa nasihat korang pulak? Kongsikan di bahagian komen na? Ada cadangan soalan apa lagi nak tanya ?

Adios for now~