Living Late Twenties - No Commitment ?

Jul 25, 2021

I'm starting a new series called "Living Late Twenties" to address few topics about my own realities. These will mainly revolve around my current life as I'm approaching the thirties. There are a few reasons why I want to do this. Firstly, it helps me stay grounded. Secondly, it helps me become more aware of myself and what I want or need from it. Thirdly, it helps me be in touch with more heavy issues like my mental health, pharmacist career, all those hartal thingy and working for a private company. Lastly, I hope it will improve my writing and vocabulary as well. 

For today's topic - I'm writing about my current life with no commitment.

I guess my main commitment, for now, is work. For someone who is adamant to have a work-life balance, it is just cruel that I ended up having "work" as my main commitment. I'm not one to think about how you should work hard and play hard. Climb up the ladder of career and come out triumphant at the top of it. Or simply make tonnes of money to retire early. I knew there's a balance to be kept between my work life and my personal life but I also know that these two things can't really be separated as black and white. 

The two will always coincide. 

I hold on to this principle where your work is still your life but your life isn't all about your work. So for me, working is still me living my life. I can only afford this kind of mindset if I have a job that I enjoy and that excites me.

This is something I have thought deeply about long before I started my degree in pharmacy. I never really know what I wanted to be. I just made sure I did science stream just to warrant me a variety of choices when the time comes for me to finally needing to choose one. 

Choosing pharmacy was a mixed-off different reason. 

There's this expectation from my father and as for my late mother, she doesn't really ask much but I know choosing something like pharmacy will make her proud. There's this heavy "science" influence as I have been a science student for the longest time so I knew I needed to choose something of science-based. I also knew being me, I needed a career with a touch of the outside world and also allow me to engage with people so labwork isn't really appealing at all. I also want to do something that allows me to help people. I just think it will be a good life to live when your work involves helping others. 

One thing I didn't expect is how people simply expect me to choose medicine and be a doctor. We all know doctors have all those on-call shifts whatsoever plus needing to tend to gory wounds. You can't pay me enough to live such a life. 

Apart from work, there's my car, bills and monthly rent. That's it. I'm blessed to have a father that still and most probably will always be, hardly does any work, but still be making enough money to live comfortably and take care of all of my other siblings. I do make a point to splurge my siblings though. I also took this path to spend the money on my skin. I have spent thousands for god sake and restarting all over again when I got a breakout as Covid-19 strikes. This time I am adamant to eat Accutane at least until the compulsory mask-wearing rule is lifted. I have no significant other so I don't save up money for weddings or whatsoever. Although I do want to make a small ceremony only.

I just started to feel like buying myself a house which will require a more detailed plan so I decided to start saving for a year or so after I finish my laser treatments. I'm thinking to look for a new job too so it's better to settle down in a new job first before deciding the location of the said house. 

I think that's the most beautiful thing about me not having a "real" commitment. I can decide these without pressure and when I feel like it. 

I knew people who ought that a person with my financial abilities should be having a house, should spend on a local car (no offence to those who did but I just don't like those lol, the new Bezza do be looking nice though), should travel the world, should have kids before thirties, etc etc. I'm aware of these expectations but I just never feel like I was the person who is expected to do so. Heck, hartal or not, I'm just looking at it as a way to be flexible and change when I feel like I needed to.

The hardest question is - am I being irresponsible for choosing this way of living? Somehow, social construct made me feel like this is the main issue - that I am somehow being irresponsible. If so, to whom do I owe these responsibilities anyway? Because responsible or not, I am happy and content.

I know for a fact that my father wants me to settle down as soon as possible and I guess at this point he knew he can't say anything that will change my mindset. That's about it.  

However, there is one thing I know for sure. I owe myself more self-development than my current work. I feel like I need a side thing to do to complete this pharmacist side of mine. I know I needed another commitment and preferably something on the creative side or something that solely depends on me to build on from scratch. 

There are few ideas that I took a liking to. Probably a more professional blogger, freelance content creator, actually put an effort and publish a poetry book, some simple business on Shopee or learn one or two new languages. Something to get my brain active you know. It's hard though. In between this current eight-hour job and just how depressing Covid-19 is being plus THE FREAKING HEAT, it's easier to just not do anything. I don't really have much commitment anyway.

I had to Google if it was supposed to be "on the last day" or "in the last day" for the title and I never thought that one of the things I would notice when I'm doing this challenge was how bad my English is and how limited my vocabulary as well.

So, on the last day before PKP start, I'm not sure what PKP was it but it was when we can still rentas daerah and dine in, I made a point to go out. We went for a staycation two weeks before, so this time it was a simple meet-up and just hang out. Since it was very last minute, we just decided to go to Setia City Mall to walk around and have a bite. Setia City Mall has just opened Lulu Hypermarket so I went around to have a see but since I don't feel like bringing groceries home, I didn't buy anything. I remember seeing this one pan that was just the right size and the right depth and thought to myself to come again to buy it. Then this actual lockdown happens.

There is also a newly opened Sukiya Tokyo Bowl & Noodle. I only come to realize that Sukiya wasn't only about their hot pot so seeing that SCM has that, I just have to try. It was nice but I don't think I'm going again though. We also make a point to go to Chizu and experience the aesthetic. I forgot which branch was it that have this beautiful interior but the one in SCM was on par. The croissant wasn't really that memorable but all those toppings make it up. I do feel like the price range is a bit too much and that those mini croissants in Petronas were better. The drink was amazing though. I'm always skeptical with these cheese drinks but the cheese foam really went well with the drinks. All and all, it was a really nice day out.

This was only last April but somehow feels like a lifetime ago. Not like the previous PKP, this time, everything just feels surreal. Time simply feels like a standstill. I am so glad that I can still go to work but since I made a point not to do my work at home, time just stop" once I got back to my place. It somehow feels like the surrealness of it simply triggered once I step into my place after work and only properly resume once I start my car and go to work. I swear to god the most productive thing that I have done is finishing Vincenzo and this one donghua series. I just need to go home and reset. I should probably do things like exercising or hone a new skill and whatnot but with all due respect, just fuck it.

Writing helps. I need to cut out my phone time. It starts to get hot again.

BMPIL Writing Challenge - My Current Three Most Played Playlist

Jul 17, 2021

It has been a few days that I stopped writing because I just feel like it. There's actually a draft that I meant to publish before writing this but it hasn't finished yet and I don't feel like continuing it now. For now, I want to write this topic because it's easy, fun and it's about things that I enjoy.

My go-to music player is Spotify. I used Youtube too but only at work though. I used to have my own playlist on Spotify that I will update every few months and then I will just keep playing that one playlist. I guess I'm becoming old already that current mainstream songs hardly interest me so I stopped updating that playlist and haven't played it for the longest time. If I feel like getting entertained and wanted to sing, I'll play either This is Maroon 5 or This is Adele on Spotify. Sometimes, I'll play either Bad Blood or Wild World album by Bastille. I knew most of the lyrics so it's easy to get in the mood and enjoy them. 

Image by tomasi from Pixabay

Since those starting to get boring too, I started to hear to other playlists so that I can find any playlist that I will enjoy. The problem is, I don't know how to find any that I will like so I just searched random keywords but found nothing at all. Not until one day I actually found one that I just adore so much. It's called Tsukishima Kei by Novaasoph. I randomly scrolled to this character fanart on Instagram and by sheer coincidence, I actually read the caption saying to scan the Spotify code on the character's t-shirt. I never tried to scan a Spotify code so I thought "hey this is interesting, let's try it". The first song that played piqued my interest and I just click "Follow". 

I always have a playlist to play at work too. Since we cast Youtube to the shop's television, I started to find any playlist on Youtube that I enjoy. There are two playlists that I have abused so much till it bores me so I stopped playing it much nowadays but much to my joy, I found a new one! It was from actually songs from Hyuk Oh. The chill vibes but rather different than the usual melody just feel fresh for me. I always love Hyuk Oh so it was natural for me to switch to him once those two earlier playlists start to bores me.

I do have one playlist that I did myself which comprises of songs that I actually like but it wasn't really mainstream songs or anything? It was a collection of really chill songs that were kinda supposed to be a really cool white noise while driving but also isn't really a white noise? It wasn't even in English or Malay too which added that white noise value. It was initially meant to be my new go-to playlist but at that moment, I was enjoying these few chill-like songs and then I decided to just leave it at that. There are only eight songs that lasted for about half an hour which suited nicely for me driving back after a long day at work. All of the songs were made knows to me so randomly too. I really love this playlist since most of the songs have that one clean part that I like to just focus on it. It might be a cool beat drop, a soothing instrument, a focus on the singer's vocal, or just a mix of those. Since my car has a nice speaker and the bass is just so fine, it added more value into letting myself be absorbed into the song and let loose. Why am I exaggerating on this playlist lol. I've moved into a closer place though so I haven't played it in the car for the longest time. Songs just hit different when you're driving.

BMPIL Writing Challenge - My Current Skincare Products

Jul 11, 2021

Today's a Sunday and I don't feel like sleeping after Subuh. However, I don't really feel like doing anything as well. I feel like eating pancakes though. I made a batch of pancakes the other day and just keeps it in the refrigerator so I can simply reheat it whenever I feel like eating pancakes. Sometimes you just want pancakes you know.

Afterward, I feel sleepy again. It was almost 8am something so I thought I've been awake enough this early in the morning and went back to sleep. Woke up again at 11ish and just don't feel like I need to do anything so like pejam celik pejam celik and decides to properly wake up when it's 11.30am. I don't like waking up late. It makes me feel bad and even groggier but there are days when I did this and feel refresh. I guess it's a good reset to sleep on that long. I still don't know what to do and then I remembered my leftover tom yam yesterday and some dishes I left because I was too lazy yesterday so I did those. Since I'm still not sure what to do, I just cooked some rice since it's almost noon anyway and finally decided to write this.

I made an actual effort last night to took some decent pictures of my skincare products. Setup a mini all-white background and use my table lamp for extra lighting. But the table lamp is running out of battery and I'm too lazy to recharge it so I didn't go into trying different angles. Should've tried the HDR mode.

I'm not the most diligent in putting on skincare but I do made a point to at least stick to basics for my skincare which means the main four step - cleanser, toner, moisturiser and sunscreen. However, since I have an acne prone skin, I do have acne spot treatment on hand as well which I only wears when I have acne or those tiny bumps. Apart from that, I also have some products for hyperpigmentation.

My main concern in my skincare is hydration and also not having any oily finishes. The trend today is more on getting those glowy looks from applying skincare products but I feels like it looks too oily me. I wanted my skincare too look like it hydrates my skin and just looks plump? So now, I somehow keeps at least two types of gel or water based moisturizer and mix them. I don't know why I did those but I did it lol. At night however, I'll mix one either gel or water based moisturizer with a heavier consistency and slightly oily moisturizer. I think I feel like cleansing my face just bares it naked and I need to take that opportunity to lock in moisturizer and since I'm not going anywhere at night, applying a heavier afterwards will in turn lock in the moisturizer. I swear I didn't make this up. There a science somewhere in there that I have learned which makes me wears it like this. Also I just love wearing moisturizer.

I have four moisturizer at the moment. I finishes my Hada Labo Moisturising Water Gel and thought to save some money and buys the good ol' Aiken Tea Tree Oil Moisturizer. It has been a while since I wore Aiken. I decided to wear Aiken because I wanted to incorporate more oil into my skin and also because I started to use their Aiken's Tea Tree Oil as spots treatment. I have benzoyl peroxide for spot treatments before this but it just don't work like at all and the bottle that I have was opened for month already so instead of buying a new benzoyl peroxide cream, I switches back to tea tree oil. The oil works like a charm since I only have like one or two papule or small pustules nowadays and it wasn't much often too. If I was having worse than that, benzoyl peroxide will work better. Though I have to tell that I don't remember Aiken's moisturiser to have such strong fragrant. Thank god it didn't cause any breakout but the smell is almost dizzying. I'm going to try Thursday Plantation once this finishes.

Since I wanted to wear two type of moisturizer, I randomly bought that Safi Perfect White Illuminating Day Cream to replace the old Safi moisturizer that I have finishes. I can't seem to remember what was it exactly but I think it was a night cream . I was curious to see the texture of this day cream and it turns out so nice. It was absorbed right away and hardly have any smells. I'm really loving the varieties in Safi products although I'm not a big fan on the gel one which was meant for acne. It was a bit oily for me. I also have Wardah Witch Hazel Purifying Moisturizing Gel. Although I only buys this at random since it was on sale and because it was a gel moisturizer. The gel texture was amazing and it got absorbed right away almost like Hada Labo Moisturising Water Gel. But I'm keeping this away for now and planning to use it daily once the Safi one's finishes. As for my heavier consistency moisturizer, I'm currently using The Ordinary Moisturising Factor + HA (not included in the picture). I think there's a quarter left and I just don't feel like buying it online again so I'm going to just use my Vaseline once this finishes.

I forgot to took photos of my cleanser and toner though. I'm using a salicylic acid cleanser from Hannan Medispa and Neutrigena Deep Clean Foeming Cleanser. I alternate between the two and usually only cleanse my face once a day since the Accutane really dries up my skin. I need to buy a new gentle cleanser but I just don't really feel like it. Right after washing my face, I spray on Hatomugi Skin Conditioner Lotion which acts as my toner. Deciding to put those lotion into a spray bottle was one of my greatest life decisions. I just sprays it and wait for it to dry which actually helps in a simple hydration of my skin before applying my moisturizer. It was a good face mist too. Unlike the regular water based mist, it really get absorbed way better and hydrates so well too. 

I have three products for hyperpigmentation which is - this brightening cream for Dr Ko, Wardah's C-Defense Vitamin C Serum and Safi Balqis OxyWhite Whitening Essence. I don't know what was in that brightening cream from Dr Ko but I always forgot to wear it anyway. It got so many rules so I simply got too lazy to wears it. I also decided to wear vitamin C serums for my skin hyperpigmentation and that's why I mistakenly bought that Safi one's. I read it as 1000 times concentration which at the time does feels like a lie seeing it was too cheap for such claim and much later on realizes it was 1000 times better instead. I can't even remember when I bought it. I just needed a new vitamin c serum as the Wardah's one is finishing and I am too lazy to go out again. The Wardah's one have this sticky finish but dries up eventually but it kinda adds up to the moisturizer so I don't really mind. The Safi ones was like a slightly thicker waterbased gel so I'm loving it as well. I don't know if these actually lighten my hyperpigmentation but I guess it will benefits me in the long run to stick to a routine. 

Regardless of the many moisturizer and hyperpigmentation products that I owned, I only have one sunscreen which is this Sunplay Skin Aqua UV Whitening Moisture Gel. Also, I meant to buy the Biore sunscreen but I only realizes it now that it was not  a Biore. But the consistency and UV protection characteristics are the same and that is the only thing that matter. No one want to have oily and white cast finishes if they ever want to stick on wearing a sunscreen.

That was all. I only remembers to apply my skincare when I'm going to work and at night. I simply forgets to wear these on my days off unless if I'm going out. But the routine really makes my skin feel better and looks healthier so I really need to work on this.

You know how those kedai siam have these lime juice in bottles which they use in cooking? I found one the other day while grocery shopping and it only cost RM3 so I bought one. I hardly cook anything that will require lime juice but I bought it because I thought it can give me some more varieties in my cooking plus it probably will make a good lime drink. I like a chilled lime drink. Again, it only cost RM3, and what a blessing that my iced lime drink turns out amazing. 

I've been skipping few days from writing this "Being More Present in Life Writing Challenge" just because I don't feel like thinking too much after coming home at 8pm. I simply made myself comfortable and watch Netflix. I'm currently in the mood for simple action or adventure movies but kinda runs out of options on Netflix so we're writing today.

I'm not the most environmentally conscious person. Yet still, I daresay that I'm doing better than most people I know. You really can't expect much from Malaysians anyway. I can confidently say that there is only one person that I know personally who is such a good environmentally conscious person and practices just as much. Like this girl be bringing Tupperware to tapau her food and I think she once shares this shop where you can buy you groceries by putting it into your own container. I don't even think such a shop existed in Malaysia.

I tried though. Like for example when I did my groceries, I will bring my own bag. I knew I always forgot so I have three of those and put them all in my car so that I will always have one extra if I left any at home. I try not to buy things online and if I have to, I'll try to buy them from a local seller so that I can reduce my carbon footprint. Since I'm also lazy, if I need to drive my car out, I will try to do my work on one trip. I'll collect all my plastic bottles and put them separately so that the garbage man can simply separate them. These days, I'll bring the plastic bottles to work as there is this lorry who did rounds around the shop lot and collects those. 

It is quite troublesome for me to be using tumbler so I still use plastic cups but I rarely bought one pon. I still put vegetables and fruits in those plastics where they will tape it and then stick the barcode sticker. But since the plastic bag is just so big, I'll put few items in one plastic and had them put all the stickers on that one plastic bag. There is this one time where the makcik who worked at the weighing station praises me saying it's better that I put them all together than wasting all those plastic bags.

I think one of the main things that kinda drives me to be more environmentally conscious is this kind of "not wanting to waste" thinking. I think many people can relate to me how it feels to not want to waste things. However, in my mindset, all these plastics will simply be left there not being able to decompose and just accommodate space but if I use less of them or disposes of them the right, I'm wasting less. 

Most that come from middle-income families like me will probably always have this "not wanting waste" mindset yet somehow, we are always so lenient when it comes to food. Thus the use of plastic still keeps on rising. It simply surprises me when one of my friends who's older by two years from me got confused when I ask them about global warming and how my other friend doesn't feel anything throwing plastic bottles after plastics bottles as her only source of safe drinking water was the bottled ones.

I am more laidback in terms of being good to the environment really. Yes, those big companies still at large and are the main issues here but we're living together on this one and only Earth, it's just plain stupid and selfish not being kind to it.

You know what, I think I will get myself a good tumbler and put it in my car so that I can use it when I suddenly buy coffee. Also, a good food container complete with compartments will be easier to fill when buying my lunch and a lot easier to eat from too. Heck, we're currently all wearing a mask pon if I ever feel self-conscious about it!

For this challenge, I am going to compare this morning with the morning of my first day writing this challenge. Also, I'm supposed to be writing about my current skincare but everything is a mess. I have yet developed a good system to arrange my skincare products in this new house so let's make this as simple as it can be and then went into arranging my skincare products.

First of all, I woke up late today. I think it was almost 9am? I wake up around 8am on my first day. However, I wasn't as groggy today and was in a better mood as well. The grogginess effect that I was having before has gone by now and I've been getting better sleep. I'm not entirely sure if my improving sleep was due to my magnesium supplement or because this place wasn't as hot as my previous place. Although, it is also worth noting that I am feeling more comfortable living in this house and that I was drinking more water. The landlord provides a Cuckoo water dispenser and of course, I feel like drinking more if I got easy access to chilled water. I've been getting a mild headache, not so bad, kinda just a buzz, but still very annoying headache, quite often before as I don't get good sleep and be drinking enough water. So I didn't feel that way now. 

I was hungry waking up and I just want rice. I think it was my PMS. I always get so hungry during my PMS and usually, I only want rice, but apart from that, I hardly feel hungry upon waking up. However, I was so adamant to have a slow morning so going out won't fit into the schedule. Not to mention that I'm new here so I'm not sure where exactly can I get a good breakfast. Previously I went for nasi dagang nearby which I already know is good. Thank god that I realize I was PMS-ing last night that I cooked extra rice to be made into fried rice for my breakfast today.

I made a simple fried rice and some milo. It has been two days now that I drink milo in the morning instead of coffee. I still made a coffee at work but I just want to see if I will feel any difference cutting out caffeine in the morning as the caffeine didn't really kick in the morning than it is when I'm at work. I ate my breakfast while watching the Collateral. I watched some the previous night and wanted to finish it. I watch most of Tom Cruise's movies except those during his younger years but I never watch Collateral. I liked Tom Cruise's acting for the boyish and cheeky way he acts but in Collateral, he has this more adult and serious business vibes so I just don't feel like it. Not to mention the gray hair. But it turns out good. His acting doesn't leave much impact on me per usual but the plot still carries and the movie turns out to be better than I have expected.

After that, I scrolled through my phone for a while and chill. Then I tidy up a little around the kitchen and wash the dishes. Not like during the first day where I was feeling so lazy and wore a t-shirt to work, I ironed a blouse today. After that, I took a shower and get ready to work. Since I'm having a housemate now, I don't want to worry her by not closing the gate so I make a point to not running out too late so to prevent myself from making excuses not to close the gate when I'm off to work. 

I found a flaw in this house. The thing is, this house has a smaller gate so I have to open both doors to get my car in. Apart from that, the gates always move! So now I need to open both doors to either side to open them, put some bricks to prevent them from moving, get my car in/out and then push away the brick to close the gate back. It was a legit ritual. I'm so getting an automated porch gate if I ever buy a house.

All and all, I appreciate how much better I'm feeling. My work is just the same but I guess the hassle of needing to move out and in turn feeling out of place there kinda takes a toll on me. I was feeling so much better that I don't mind if my old landlord suddenly came up with reasons not to return my deposit. She did return it but it kinda surprises me when the thoughts came and I don't really feel bothered. My new housemate was nice. She was older than me so I guess it feels good to not being the adult in the house. 

That's it. I feel like drinking some chilled water.

BMPIL Writing Challenge - My Friend's Instagram Stories

Jul 4, 2021

It is so easy to postpone one simple task and then one simple task become five so now I'm writing instead. Also, I was so stressed with my hair fall and tries this bang's filter to see if I will look good with one since I might need one to hide my almost receding hairline. I need to buy some good essential oil or something.

On the other hand, I finish two series on Netflix today! It was somewhat a relief because I actually finish not one, but two, and without randomly start on a new one. Although I did start a new one last two weeks but that's beside the point. 

For today's "Being More Present in Life Writing Challenge" - we are writing a simple recap/review on ten Instagram stories that are on my Instagram.  I decide to write those that were published by my actual friends. The goal here is to see what kind of "things" I was fed on Instagram although as usual, people only scroll Explore page most of the time.


The first one is my friend from the hospital I used to work. She works in a klinik kesihatan  now. She did two stories that were a throwback from a trip she went on in 2018. I think she went with her friends from university so it's an all-girls trip. It looks so fun with singing in the car and just loud laughing.


The second one was from my sister. She always almost exclusively only post TikTok videos that are usually about anime or things she found funny and write some comment on it. She watches more anime than me now and reads manga too so her anime always varies. I love to check her stories because she is my sister and also the funny ones are really funny. Sometimes she sends us the videos too lol. For today she reposts this TikTok video complaining she didn't like the remix. It was odd because I've heard that remix so many times for so long now.


The third one is from my university friend. She usually posted stuff about work or about her son. Her son is so cute. She was among the few of us that already in a relationship while studying and I think she got married when she finishes her PRP training. She was also among the few people I respect and adore due to how dependable and sweet she is while doing my degree. She posted a story about her son telling about his food journey. Always love seeing how my peers were raising their child especially since I do know their personality.

#4 and #5

Coincidentally, the fourth and fifth stories were from these seniors from my old hospital. One of them was newly transferred from Sabah so I only knew her for a couple of months before I move out while the other one was my dearest senior that was there from my first day there. They were doing a shift at Pusat Pemberian Vaksin together and were showing their darkened and dry hands due to the frequent use of hand sanitizer. I didn't know hand sanitizer can do that but I guess it was because of how drying it is. The hand sanitizer in the hospital was legit y'all. The alcohol smells just stings your nostrils.


This one is also from a friend from my old hospital. She is then a colleagues with the kakak from #4 and #5 but I think she's two years younger than me. She is also a mom and frequently shares stories about her son. Today, she shares a quote that I found so amusing that said "Young people think they know it all. Old people think they know it all. There's a sweet spot right in the middle where we know that nobody really knows shit". It was from a parenting account. She is also a writer but I'm not sure if she has a blog. She did however uses those content creator apps and accept writing commissions.


The seventh one is from a friend of mine from high school that works as a doctor. She shares a short clip of what I believe and CT scan or a MRI scan. That was my first time seeing such a scan in video form. It was usually in the form of pictures. I got intrigued and ask her for more details about it lol. It shows increased pressure within her patient skull that leads to intracranial bleeding that in turn causes a stroke. The patient defaulted their medicine. This is the actual result when we told people to eat their blood pressure medicine or else they can get a stroke. Those little headaches that the patient only dismissed with Panadol were only there when the blood pressure was too high already.


This story is from my university friend who is currently working in Sabah. She was promoting nasi dagang from a place in Kajang which probably her family member business or something. She is indeed a Terengganu breed. Oh my god, that nasi dagang looks so good,


This story is about my friend's son. The first one was funny. It shows how her husband, putting their son's milk on a controlled toy car and had it delivered to him. The other showing her son being all cute and want to help to make mommy's coffee. She is also a friend from my university that was in a relationship while doing our degree and got married sometime after PRP too. I made a point to highlight this because they weren't many of us who got into an actual relationship while studying and we only have one couple from our batch that got married yet we have no idea at all that they were in any kind of relationship.


Oh we're coming to an end! The last story was also about my friend's son. This friend was my housemate for a year. She works at klinik kesihatan nearby but did a two-month attachment in our hospital and together with another friend of us, we decided to move in together. It was the best decision ever. It feels good to live with someone who understands what were you doing day in day out and were single. She got married at the end of our one year of living together and then moves out to stay with her husband. The story was about her son playing in an inflatable pool. Honestly, an inflatable pool is a must for kids.


That is it. I usually got bored with the stories. I scrolled through a few and then I'm done. Since it is arranged according to the newest published, I always missed those stories that I actually needed to see, such as the stories from my favorite coffee place here.

BMPIL Writing Challenge - Outfits To Work

Jul 3, 2021

My friend and I were told that there is an online meeting next week. I thought it was for all of us but apparently, our two other friends do not receive the invite. To make it more suspicious, we were both scheduled at different time which probably means it's going to be one on one meeting. There are a lot of things that I might or might not have done which can be mentioned in the meeting and honestly, I'm just overthinking this too much but damn I am so anxious.

Here are the outfits and my dirty mirror.

t/w - I'm not one to have the fanciest ootd

Outfit one

There is actually a non-blurry version of this picture but this one is the only one that doesn't make me look like a pregnant woman and the less awkward. One would think my constant selfie with this mirror would make me pose better but it hasn't. Not for all these years. I don't wear this blouse quite often because I was too lazy to iron it as it is longer than my other blouse. I know that is not a legit reason but it is what it is. I only wore this as I actually send this with a bunch of other blouses to a laundry shop near my workplace to be ironed. Also, it is too hot for me to iron anything.

Outfit #2


This is my first time wearing this t-shirt to work. I rarely wore a t-shirt to work and the only time I did was when I was at my low and just don't feel like it. This was one of them. I was tired of moving out and still going to work. Plus, I just hate ironing. Anyway, I was positive that I can pull it off looking a bit more formal with that wide-leg pants but as you can see, it did not. I feel really off the whole day and swore not to wear that t-shirt to work again.

Outfit #3

This was taken at my new place. The existence of this mirror in this new place plus no mess at the back marked that I have succeeded in moving all my stuff from my old place and unpacking most of it. I was actually running late as I tried to tidy up some stuff and lost track of the time. I was so glad to found this knitted sweater in the cupboard or else I will be so late needing to iron my blouse. I guess all those rushing and tidying is why my face made such an expression.

I am reveling in the fact that I don't have the compulsory baju kurung rules anymore. I made a point not to wear baju kurung for at least three months when I started working here. Also here's a picture of me being in love with my white blazer because I was annoyed with the flappy tail of the usual long white coat. I like how it gives me a stronger structure and less hospital-ish vibes.


 I think there is only one take from this topic - I need to clean my mirror. 


BMPIL Writing Challenge - Phone Check!

Jul 1, 2021

I just realized I missed three days worth of topic instead of two. Anyway, I need one more outfit before updating that outfit topic so moving onto the next topic for today which is phone check.


I always use a clean picture as wallpaper with hues of colour. My go to are usually pictures of the sky or the sea. My source is almost solely from pinterest but I found this one was on Twitter. I found it accidentally while scrolling through my TL and quickly set it as my wallpaper cause I love seeing that palm trees peeking through. I think it was somewhere in Hollywood? It was a nice change of colour from the usual blues and greens. I haven't change this for months already.


I changes my lockscreen quite frequently. I don't pay notice to my wallpaper much as it will only last for two seconds and then I'm on the apps that I meant to open. But picking up my phone and seeing the black screen lights up with pretty pictures makes me happy. Per usual, I will choose any pretty pictures from Pinterest but recently I use more anime pictures. My current obsession is this artist that I found on Twitter (@zpsak). She don't have an Instagram account though. I always loves this kind of style and she makes it a lot more elegant and ethereal. Too bad that the characters she took a liking too and draws more frequently wasn't my favourite. 

Whatsapp Wallpaper

I think I have this for years already. I don't have any copy of the picture too. Since I did daily back up of my Whatsapp, this picture will automatically be set at my wallpaper even when I change my phone. Thank god for that cause it was such a hassle searching a wallpaper that I like as my Whatsapp's wallpaper. I just love the strip of 🌈  and also the "oh shit" is a funny quirky touch.

Ok that's it for today. 

By the way, I just notice, as in now, at 230pm, that today is not actually Friday? I have also worked for one week straight. However, since it's already July, I finally got my weekend off privilege back!


I have officially moved out of my old place and I'm feeling so happy right now. This place is better than the old ones in many kinds of sense, closer to my work and I am far more comfortable with the landlord even tho my landlord is a male.

I'm not sure if he is the actual landlord or if he only manages the house.

The best part is that this place isn't as hot as the old ones. I'm pretty sure the material used for the place is what affecting the heat so now I'm chilling comfortably and sleep even better. 

Anyway, since I was busy moving out but still have to go to work, I decided to stop writing for a day. However, one day become two days as I completely forgot about it yesterday. 

The supposed topic for today was about my outfit to work but I only have one picture. I didn't get to take more pictures as my mirror was left in the old place. I took my pictures by taking a picture of my reflection onto my full-length mirror. So we're going to do the next topic instead which is fictional character crush.

I'm having mixed feelings about this topic. It wasn't something that I feel comfortable enough to be more vocal about it especially when you live in Malaysia. But then I still put it in for that exact reason. I think it's a good challenge to write something that you aren't more comfortable about. 

Fictional characters came in a lot of forms. It can be from a book that you read, a tv series, a movie, a game, and my personal favourite - anime. If you read about my previous post, you'll see my interest in anime. 

I'm not the conventional biggest fan though. I consider myself an enthusiast but I still have to go to work and work makes you tired and I'm not one to sacrifice my sleep for anything. Not to mention my short attention span too. I can only watch at most three episodes of anime in one sitting but even that was rare. It was either the anime was so good so I can focus for three whole episodes or that I need to gain speed with the series because I keep forgetting to watch it. The thing is that I took anime as pleasure so I usually wait until I was really free and watch it as I chill.

I think my first legit crush was Jack Sparrow. It was my first experience in cinema too. I think it was the first one, The Cursed of Black Pearl. Then I learned how talented Johny Depp is and of course, having a crush on him too.

I watched plenty of anime during high school too. I didn't have any actual crush but I do remember thinking how some characters were so good looking and it confuses the heck out of me. How on earth a 2D character can be attractive. They weren't a real person? 

However, since I started to watch anime again last two years, I started to acknowledge that I can actually have a crush on a 2D character. What's funny is that I started to be more open about this idea due to TikTok. 

Peoples on TikTok are more vocal with their passion. Since they have millions of users, any kind of passion always has their own community that in turn supported each other. That just helps them grow and having people supporting what you like is just the most positive thing. That positive environment allows me to judge my feelings well, and the conclusion is that I do have crushes on fictional characters. 

It was just another fictional character but this time within the anime world that includes drawing. Drawing is just another form of art. I realize that I do have crushes simply because the artists draw something beautiful. 

But personally, I think having fictional characters as crush is just a good safe place. That was why peoples get into it and there are a lot of factors that contribute to it. Probably thy environment of that character life, (this actually become one of the main reasons why many peoples want to go to Japan lol), or it can the way the characters live that just fit your personality. Also since it was meant as entertainment you can simply choose someone from something you like. For example, most of the anime characters that I like are usually from the fantasy genre. This makes sense because it is my favourite genre and I am currently having a crush on a character from a fantasy action anime. 

Fyi, my current crush in Nanami Kento from Jujutsu Kaisen. He looks so much like Mads Mikkelsen but younger which makes a lot of sense. Mads is hot, but he's too old.

On the other hand, since I don't really like sports anime, I don't have any memory of actually having any of them as crushes. If I find anyone attractive it was usually preceded with me liking their personalities first. Like in Haikyuu, I usually only find the characters looks hot if there is some quirk in their personality that I like. 

There is something I learned about myself yesterday from a TikTok video saying that if I like these said characters, I might actually have a type in men. I'm not really sure if I have a type in men and what that type actually is but the funny thing is that almost all the characters mentioned were from a series I have seen so I know the characters. It baffles me because I do have this lingering feeling that I understand these characters even with how problematic they are and just like you're going to kinda stay in my mind and I will kinda still have a soft spot for you but sometimes you're just the definition of shitty. I can also confidently say that I don't have a crush on them too. When these characters were listed that way it just makes me really question myself so now apparently, I might have a thing for ENTP man.