Living Late Twenties - No Commitment ?

Jul 25, 2021

I'm starting a new series called "Living Late Twenties" to address few topics about my own realities. These will mainly revolve around my current life as I'm approaching the thirties. There are a few reasons why I want to do this. Firstly, it helps me stay grounded. Secondly, it helps me become more aware of myself and what I want or need from it. Thirdly, it helps me be in touch with more heavy issues like my mental health, pharmacist career, all those hartal thingy and working for a private company. Lastly, I hope it will improve my writing and vocabulary as well. 

For today's topic - I'm writing about my current life with no commitment.

I guess my main commitment, for now, is work. For someone who is adamant to have a work-life balance, it is just cruel that I ended up having "work" as my main commitment. I'm not one to think about how you should work hard and play hard. Climb up the ladder of career and come out triumphant at the top of it. Or simply make tonnes of money to retire early. I knew there's a balance to be kept between my work life and my personal life but I also know that these two things can't really be separated as black and white. 

The two will always coincide. 

I hold on to this principle where your work is still your life but your life isn't all about your work. So for me, working is still me living my life. I can only afford this kind of mindset if I have a job that I enjoy and that excites me.

This is something I have thought deeply about long before I started my degree in pharmacy. I never really know what I wanted to be. I just made sure I did science stream just to warrant me a variety of choices when the time comes for me to finally needing to choose one. 

Choosing pharmacy was a mixed-off different reason. 

There's this expectation from my father and as for my late mother, she doesn't really ask much but I know choosing something like pharmacy will make her proud. There's this heavy "science" influence as I have been a science student for the longest time so I knew I needed to choose something of science-based. I also knew being me, I needed a career with a touch of the outside world and also allow me to engage with people so labwork isn't really appealing at all. I also want to do something that allows me to help people. I just think it will be a good life to live when your work involves helping others. 

One thing I didn't expect is how people simply expect me to choose medicine and be a doctor. We all know doctors have all those on-call shifts whatsoever plus needing to tend to gory wounds. You can't pay me enough to live such a life. 

Apart from work, there's my car, bills and monthly rent. That's it. I'm blessed to have a father that still and most probably will always be, hardly does any work, but still be making enough money to live comfortably and take care of all of my other siblings. I do make a point to splurge my siblings though. I also took this path to spend the money on my skin. I have spent thousands for god sake and restarting all over again when I got a breakout as Covid-19 strikes. This time I am adamant to eat Accutane at least until the compulsory mask-wearing rule is lifted. I have no significant other so I don't save up money for weddings or whatsoever. Although I do want to make a small ceremony only.

I just started to feel like buying myself a house which will require a more detailed plan so I decided to start saving for a year or so after I finish my laser treatments. I'm thinking to look for a new job too so it's better to settle down in a new job first before deciding the location of the said house. 

I think that's the most beautiful thing about me not having a "real" commitment. I can decide these without pressure and when I feel like it. 

I knew people who ought that a person with my financial abilities should be having a house, should spend on a local car (no offence to those who did but I just don't like those lol, the new Bezza do be looking nice though), should travel the world, should have kids before thirties, etc etc. I'm aware of these expectations but I just never feel like I was the person who is expected to do so. Heck, hartal or not, I'm just looking at it as a way to be flexible and change when I feel like I needed to.

The hardest question is - am I being irresponsible for choosing this way of living? Somehow, social construct made me feel like this is the main issue - that I am somehow being irresponsible. If so, to whom do I owe these responsibilities anyway? Because responsible or not, I am happy and content.

I know for a fact that my father wants me to settle down as soon as possible and I guess at this point he knew he can't say anything that will change my mindset. That's about it.  

However, there is one thing I know for sure. I owe myself more self-development than my current work. I feel like I need a side thing to do to complete this pharmacist side of mine. I know I needed another commitment and preferably something on the creative side or something that solely depends on me to build on from scratch. 

There are few ideas that I took a liking to. Probably a more professional blogger, freelance content creator, actually put an effort and publish a poetry book, some simple business on Shopee or learn one or two new languages. Something to get my brain active you know. It's hard though. In between this current eight-hour job and just how depressing Covid-19 is being plus THE FREAKING HEAT, it's easier to just not do anything. I don't really have much commitment anyway.

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