It's December So Goodbye Crush and 2019

Dec 28, 2019

I wanted to do a recap of 2019 but that will have to wait. I have a few instances where I can sit down and update my blog accordingly, heck, I even made a draft for November but as you can see by now, nothing was published for almost six weeks. 

I'm not sure what I want to really write at the moment but I guess I can start by recapping December.

So in the first week, I two days off which is on Monday and Tuesday. I have stayed at home for the whole time. We were supposed to go to Langkawi but Walid wasn't feeling so well. I was so glad to be staying at home  I did some tidying up, play Plant vs Zombie, cooked and I even went fishing one night which is so boring. 

On Wednesday, we had the day off since it was Sultan Selangor's birthday and I have planned to spend the day with two of my friends that work here with me. We went to KL and play laser battle and this escape game called Hauntumy. It was such a good day.  We even managed to have our lunch at Sopoong. The bingsu was so good! On weekend, I went on an ad hoc trip with my housemate which was initially to either just go for some sightseeing or watch a movie but ended up doing some facial treatment and foot massage. We even somehow managed to assemble seven peoples at the very last minute for dinner.

On Tuesday of the second week, we have our end of the year feast which I was somehow in charge of doing the backdrop. I was rather excited, to be honest, and it was amazing how diligent I was. Oh yes, fun story, I bought this large bolster pillow for our gifts exchange and if it wasn't because of my friends helping me wrapping it, I was so going to just buy something else and ideally, have it wrapped right away.

On the weekend of the third week, I had a fun run event at Jeram. We stayed there for one night and tries out this Aroma Ikan Bakar which is somehow so famous. The Ikan Tiga Rasa is good but sadly it was cold when we get it. We made a reservation and was told it will be "half-cooked" and "cooked fully" when we get there. Apparently, it got cold in seconds. The sotong goreng tepung is good too. It was heartbreaking that it got cold. On the other hand, I got to taste Family Mart's curry oden which is so good (this got "so" cause it is hot).

The next big thing is that we had an impromptu get together on Christmas Day. My friend was like, "Doing makan-makan could be fun on Christmas" and somehow it got full-blown with oden, two types of spaghetti, fruit cocktails, brownies, and even pizza! It was done at my friend's house. His husband, who was the doctor there, was so cool to join us playing the games. I ended December with a weekend shift that is how December was spent.

It feels like just a few days before when I notice that I won't go back home until next year and now it is already the end of the month.

This month was physically demanding and to my surprise, it was emotionally exhausting too. This feels stupid but I got this crush which just goes wild for the past month but now I suddenly don't have one?

It probably got wild since it is the wedding season while I'm having the most stupid crush. It is so stupid. I guess in between pondering about it a little bit too much, trying to detox him out of my life plus accepting the truth that it just won't work out somehow finally knock some sense into me that "Hey, he is just a really good friend who happens to be a guy". Not to mention the regular family issues, the fact that 2019 is ended but I don't stick to any healthy lifestyle as I wanted to, my poor financial skills and of course the fact that everyoneisgettingmarriedbutIdontwanttobutohmygodwhatiamdoingwithmylife as well.

p/s - I think I just want to be like 50kg kind of thin in 2020
pp/s - Ejen Ali is such a good movie

Hannan Medispa Review (Part One)

Nov 12, 2019

This is going to be so long and I needed to also explain my reasons of why I did what I did.

I got a minor breakout that started before Ramadhan but it got worse like a month after Raya. It's not a full-blown out one but the one around my left jaw was so bad. It keeps on coming back again and again. There are a few reasons why the breakout happens but it was mainly because I didn't have a solid skincare routine as I should have since I didn't want to continue my medicine. I should have continued my isotretinoin for like another year but I'm just so tired to go again. The typical course should last for at least six months but the doctor at Klinik Dr. Ko says that I need to take it longer to prevent further breakout. I was surprised she wanted me to take it for that long plus there isn't any regular blood check-up that should have been done when taking isotretinoin. I think she didn't know that I'm a pharmacist. But at that time I'm just so tired already but I do plan on continuing a regular skin care treatments.

This time around, Hanna Medispa was just opened near my home. It was good timing, isn't it? I went there and specifically asked for not to be started on any oral medication. 

Ok, I'm not against medications. I'm a pharmacist for god's sake. I just hated the commitment I need to give in eating my medicine and getting refills and trying to schedule a blood test because Klinik Dr. Ko didn't do one.

Back to Hannan Medispa. 

I went there and asked for acne treatments available and was hoping for the regular deep facial treatment with salicylic acid. I forgot the initial treatment they wanted to suggest to me because I agree with this 6 + 2 package that they have for acne. It cost RM1.6k and I agreed for three reasons.

  1. Being acne-prone is a disease and I decided I needed a regular and professionally done skin treatment in order to maintain my skin health. This package offers me eight treatments which will last for several months and I remembers that skin treatments at Klinik Dr Ko costed aroundRM150 to RM300 per session so this is quite a good offer. Plus, as I have said before, I don't want to eat medicine so this is the next choice that I have.
  2. I've been meaning to try Hanna Medispa for the longest time since it provides varieties of skin treatments and its founder is an actual medical doctor so I believe the treatment would be scientifically proven. Again, going into eight sessions will give me better experience to give opinions.
  3. The packages include their moisturizer, cleanser, serum, and sunscreen. Each costed almost RM100 each. I wanted to try their products as well so this is my chance.

Actually, there is a fourth reason why I chose this but it was more like an added benefit that an actual reason. Unlike Klinik Dr Ko, Hannan Medispa have Janus Facial Analysis System machine. I wanted to have my thoroughly analyze and it cost RM50 per session. However, the price is included in the RM1.6k so I got to see my skin progress at each visit.

Ok, now for the treatments. It will start by meeting their staff (I'm not sure what they are called, probably beauticians?) and they will analyze my skin both hands-on and using the Janus machine. From there on they will decide which solution I would need. The first six treatments which focus on treating my acne will revolve around the use of these "solutions". As I started to use their salicylic acid cleanser my skin gets very dry and so for the second session, they use mandelic acid which is milder. The focus was to dry out the acne and kills it. It was best for me to come every two weeks. I have then used Cetaphil and their salicylic acid as needed in order to maintain my skin to not become too oily but at the same time not to dry. 

oily skin 101 - if your skin becomes too dry, it will produce more oil

I have two more sessions. As my acne cleared by the fifth session, instead of having six-session focusing on acne, they change it for something that my skin will need.

The acne treatments was a simple cleansing and scrubbing (they use the peeling ones instead of the cleanser based scrub), applying the solution (please refer back to my appointment card - SA is salicylic acid, MA is mandelic acid, GP is glutathione peel and I forgot what MP was lol) and when the solution did it magic they will continue cleaning the solutions, apply a sheet mask, LED light face mask, moisturizer and finally a sunscreen. I somehow have a vague memory of some head massage, but it very prompt. 

The first session was such a success, most of my acne clears out but my skin gets very dry since I have started to use the SA cleanser. The staff did ask me to use the cleanser as necessary and to apply moisturizer a few times throughout the day but I didn't really understand the consequences. I thought I was doing enough. About a day or two before my next treatment, I realized that my skin did become so dry. The second session uses mandelic acid, as salicylic acid will be too harsh on my dry skin. Mandelic acid reduces my acne but it doesn't actually clear it like the first one. It keeps one being like that, not clearing the acne totally, even on treatment that I actually uses the salicylic acid solution. Bear in mind that upon doing Janus analysis, my point for oil is still high despite being so dry. 

I continue to use the cleanser diligently but my progress was so slow and in the fourth session the staff wanted me to take a short course of antibiotics and to use topical clindamycin. I notice that my skin was improving as I get the hold on the skin routine with their product but it was slow. I still take the antibiotic but for 10 days instead of two weeks and apply that topical clindamycin (I always forgot though). By the sixth session, my acne was well cleared and I was supposed to do the medium peeling treatment but the TCA solutions finish. Instead, I did derma pen treatment. 

As for my Janus assessment, most of the criteria they analyze improves. These criteria include oil counts, UV spots, pores and other things that I forgot since I usually focus on these three only. I do like this analysis session as they will also explain what I should do more in my skin care routine. There is this one period time where I wore sheet masks rather diligently and the oil count drops a lot. #hydrationisindeedthekey

Since they use a sheet mask that needs like only 20 minutes, the facial treatment session itself usually lasts no longer than an hour. Klinik Dr. Ko uses their mix of these powders which is sort of like a clay mask that needs a longer time. What really struck me is that I can see an even better outcome with only one salicylic treatment with Klinik Dr. Ko than the one Hanna Medispa. Was it the thorough extraction? The soothing mask? It is definitely not the medicine since it will take at least one month to show effects and the cleanser didn't have much salicylic acid as well.

Other obnoxious facts that are a bit turn-off -  

  1. If they think I needed some blackhead/whitehead removal procedures, they will suggest it but you need to pay an extra RM10. They use this machine (not that suction one) so it will be solely on blackheads and whiteheads only. During Klinik Dr. Ko sessions, the extraction was done manually and they even "clean" out acne that is suitable for extraction. 
  2. I think there are one or two occasions where they didn't put a sheet mask and you needed to pay extra if you want it. I was blown away that I went to facial treatments and there isn't a mask.
  3. A short course of antibiotics won't do anything for acne and it was absurd to start it in the middle of my session.
  4. Why did they only use a sheet mask????

People keep asking me if Hannan Medispa is good. This is my answer every time - if you have minor skin problems, like dullness, some scars etc, it will do wonders. It is way cheaper too. But for treating an acne-prone skin with breakouts, it will take time and you need to really adhere to the advised skincare routine for it to show actual work. It is also best to seek their doctor right away and ask if you needed to be started on medications.

Their facial treatment for acne is a bit superficial (?) so it takes a longer time to show effect. It also relies heavily on their skincare products instead of the treatments itself which is why I insisted on a doctor's review at the very start. The treatments help but I only gain actual trust after my fourth session (which about two months a half now) and that was when I got a hold on the skincare routine. I was a bit taken aback since I paid a lot. But it still works. There are cases of an even worse case of acne which has been treated wonderfully but that is under their doctor supervision.

Anyway, the breakout has cooled down but the scarring was pretty bad and of course the dullness. When I'm at Klinik Dr. Ko, I also use this Vitamin C powder and this hydrating treatment thingy which did wonders to my skin.  I was hoping the derma pen treatment gave some life into my dull skin but it doesn't. I was considering to buy the Vitamin C powder again but that is another RM150. I hope my next two sessions will be good.

That's it!

Do wait for my part two as it will involve other more aesthetic parts of my treatment.

One For My ARMY Heart - K-Pop Merch

Nov 1, 2019

I hope that at this stage, everyone knew that I like k-pop and I love BTS.

I have this habit to take pictures of things that I thought would be great for a blog's update yet it usually sits on my phone for the longest time. Sometimes I just deleted it. Then I got this idea to properly organized those pictures into Google drive where I have a specific folder for my blog. That way I can easily access it through my laptop and walla - now I got some free time and I am finally doing this.

part of the mini gallery

I went to this K-pop merchandise shop in Seri Kembangan called K-pop Garden Merchandise. I never knew this kind of shop exists. I only find random BTS or BT21 merchandise in some kiosks at malls. The idea of a shop solely for K-pop merchandise was quite an interesting idea for me. My cousin told me about it and I guess she got the chance to stop by since it is near our aunt's house. I went to KL the other day for this conference thing which ended at noon and took the chance to visit the shop. I was hoping to find some BTS/BT21 phone ring/stand and one big RJ plushies. I was also looking for a small netbook bag.

I found none lol.

I think there's plenty of phone ring but they didn't have that specific design that I want.

See these designs? It wasn't all official merchandise. Yoongi looks so cute lol.

The shop itself is quite modest. I was thinking something chic like a mall's shop but it wasn't even well lighted or air-conditioned. It's not bad of course, I was just not expecting it to be that modest. But their collections were amazing. They got plenty of stuff from lomo cards to t-shirt, assortment of keychain design, really cute tote bags, albums, tumblers, and even BT21 plushies!

The designs were amazing too. I keep on glancing at Blackpink's merchandise because they look so cool and beautiful. I asked the shopkeeper and it seems like she runs the shop with her sister like for years now and the shop was initially in a mall (I forgot which mall). I have also asked if a big RJ plushie is available and she says that she can order it for me and it can be an original one from LINE or a fake one from Chine but it will take time. Probably applicable for other items too.

socks were like the last things I thought they will have


But my favorite would be these posters that they hung up all around the shop which some have signatures. It was like a mini gallery. I guess there are also stuff from fans which I'm not sure how it ended up here. I forgot to ask the shopkeeper. All and all, it was a pleasant experience. Especially in Malaysia where being a K-pop fan was always ridicule, in here it just feels like a normal thing. Just a girl liking songs from a specific boy band.

These are what I got. The lomo card was stashed somewhere in my drawer but I wore that ARMY bomb keychain on my work lanyard together with my work ID.

Acer One 10 (S1003-1671) Tablet Review - My New BFF

Oct 23, 2019

By the time I started this post, I just finished Zodiac (the movie, not the book) and I have also finished the Kite Runner yesterday so now I'm feeling that gaping hole as we resume life without me needing to catch up on those two very interesting things. My body is tired, as always, which means I don't feel like doing anything physical but it is also too early to be sleeping. It wasn't even nine. So I thought, hey, let's get on to that one review that you should have done ages ago now.

Alas, I only publish this like two months after starting the post. haha.

In the spirit of wanting to blog more, I decided to buy a tablet so that I can easily carry it everywhere but I specifically needed it to support keyboard assembly. It can't be too expensive since I just need it to write on the go and watch Netflix comfortably. The not too expensive bit was a bit of a wild dream and it was hard to search for review that shows if a tablet can work on Blogger platform. I was so sure that I would buy Mi Pad but apparently, it wasn't licensed under Mi Malaysia which means a sample of it wasn't made available in their branches. Then I stumble onto this fella, Acer One 10 (S1003-1671). 

that charger head for size comparison

another size comparison and showing you it can be detached

To be honest, I'm not quite sure how to really word out the name. The name is a bit weird, isn't it? Is it one or ten like get it together, please.

I bought it on the 19th of March so I have been using it for about six months now.

So what is it? 

It states that it is a tablet/laptop but it is more of a really good netbook/tablet actually.

Anyway apart from the ease of a screen touch (lazy me is happy), I actually bought it for three main reasons which is actually a wonder for a mere RM1099.

The not so mini but mini size
The 10-inch screen is so satisfying. It gave a good wide look of the blog and even better-viewing experience yet still a good size for ease of portability. It fits into my work bag and only weighs about 1.3kg. I thought of forgoing the keyboard if I wanted to travel with it since it is still a comfortable size for me to use the virtual keyboard but apparently it doesn't bother me at all plus it is a really good stand.

It supports Windows 10 
What this means is that it will work like a laptop. It was equipped with the function of a laptop which means it will still give me that laptop vibes when I update my blog plus the familiar interface made it easy for me to navigate through the folders and stuff. I needed that laptop vibes when I update my blog or else it didn't feel as accomplished. I'm weird like that. It is also equipped with Microsoft Office (the mobile version) in case  I needed to do anything that requires it (which I still don't, just fyi). The Windows 10 interface is also a big yay because I don't like it much seeing an android interface on a tablet. It looks tacky somehow.

Window 10 interface on laptop mode 

Window 10 interface on tablet mode

The drawbacks?

  1. Sound - It is barely audible if you're online like watching Netflix or hearing to Spotify. This is, however, can easily be fixed with the help of a Bluetooth speaker since I don't like to watch movies with earphones. If I'm watching offline, I'll use VLC player which helps in giving a louder volume.
  2. Can't support android -  I can't use android apps at all. It only supports those from Microsoft Store which is so limited. I am quite annoyed that there isn't any aesthetically pleasing note-taking or diary apps available. I have also tried android emulator and it won't run it.
  3. Long battery charging time - I think I have only seen it fully charged if I left it charged overnight. I'm not quite sure how many hours but I guess it needs a solid five hours to fully charge it. It can last about three hours or more on a fully charged battery, even longer if I'm offline.

I got so used to the screen touch that I sometimes "tries" to scroll my laptop screen using fingers too. I looked stupid.

Journaling to Self Love

Oct 11, 2019

Firstly, I should be writing all the none mental health topic that has been waiting since forever but then here I am.

Secondly, I'm writing during my night shift, again, and I wasn't even going to write at first because I was so enthralled with In The Tall Grass but then my conscience got the better of me. 

Thirdly, I have so many things to do but I keep playing BT21 games instead

I don't know why I need to number those but let's get things moving now, shall we?

What is journaling?

It's pretty straight forward, it means that you write a journal and in this case a journal of your own life. A diary is a journal but I'm not sure why the term "journal" got spread around. Probably because people got used to how diary seems a bit mood-ish oriented only.

So if you're like me, which means you always Google stuff for things that are supposed to make your life a whole lot productive and then got an A+ for mental well being, you'll come across this quite frequently. Apparently, journaling your life is a good way to, rather highly claimed as well, live a better life.

It makes sense. It helps you to think through your day and reflect on it. It also helps to keep track on things so you can plan the next day better. Writing it every day also helps you see a clearer picture like - if you feel stress out today, by journaling it, you can pin the exact stressors which will help you to manage it better in the future. It also helps to see the bigger picture like if you're planning to lose weight, journaling your day will help you analyzes your eating pattern thus planning a better diet. Psych Central did a better job explaining the benefit of journaling HERE and they suggested to spend about 20 minutes per day for it.

Image result for thumbs up bts gif

As for me, I always have a problem disciplining myself (aren't we all?) and writing such a journal just feels too much of a work for me. I tried it for a couple of days and although it feels great to see my progress daily, it just feels too much when I think of things I didn't do and things I shouldn't do. For that, it kinda makes me feel bad so I just stop it and I think it's better for me to just keep doing my monthly blog's update instead.

Yet, I still want to do a journal. I just love the feeling of writing with a pen on paper about my life so I came across this idea to journal every day but on a specific thing. This way, I will not feel overwhelmed by the need to write about everything and at the same time helps me focus on that one thing. 

So now what should I focus on? Since I'm trying to write more about mental health well being, why not journaling about self-love. To my surprise, it is quite a popular practice.

Just look on "self-love journal prompts" on Pinterest and they will give you tonnes of suggestions. Most of it consists of 30 prompts so it will serve as a good one month challenge. I choose to do the prompts from The Petite Planner.

Now, the big question is, to write it manually or use a device like your smartphone, tablet or laptop?

Go on a manual labor guys. I think by engaging your hand more will help you to focus better and it is therapeutically calming as well. Plus, the stark light from devices is just too much. I also feel like I'll never get anything done if I'm on my devices as my mind will always get associated with the need to open my Twitter or scroll through 9Gag or worse, playing BT21 games.

Image result for bt21 gif

So, why not you guys share your answer for the first prompt - What is your favorite personality trait?

How Are You?

Oct 6, 2019

I ate cereals and milk at my night shift the other day because I always got hungry and my milk is nearing expiry. We even have plastic bowls. This is written way before it was published.

So, how are you?

Let's get real, how are you? 

By "how are you' I really mean - How are you feeling these days? Is there anything fun you just did? What was the last book you read or the last movie you watched? Did you get sick recently? How did you feel waking up this morning? Is tomorrow exciting? How's your favorite celebrity is doing? How are your parents? Is there anything bothering you? Are you tired? Is the last meal you ate is good? 

Can you answer all of my questions? If you can, how are you feeling right now? If you can't, what question and why?

Those are the things that just struck me when I was looking through my own life so that I can figure out what will be the relevant questions to ask and thus so that I can understand "how are you" really is.

As for me, I'm currently doing my night shift and there isn't much patient. Probably because of the rain. So now I'm writing while eating my cereals, with milk, from a plastic bowl.  I just knew the day before, that I didn't get a permanent placement as a pharmacist in the government hospital. So, unless I got another job, I'll be jobless exactly one year from now. 

Yesterday, my colleagues randomly plan to go shopping for these cute baju kurung at this cheap shop so now I got one new pair of baju kurung and two new scarves. I wore one of the scarves right now. We even went to dinner together afterward eating my favorite food, chicken rice.

It was funny because I am devastated for not getting the permanent placement but at the same time, I just can't really get sad or mad because it was something that we all have been expecting for the longest time. Yet, a sliver of hope is cruel. Still, I just finished shopping and hanging out with my colleagues which is quite something. I watched A Star is Born a few days before and finished Ilusaniti last two days. These are two things that shouldn't happen in close proximity.

Today's update - we wore the baju kurung today and took some photos. It was fun until the staff asks me to go a little bit behind so that I will look slimmer. She means well but shit hurts you know.

What I want to say here is that, are you aware of what really been happening in your life lately? Is it good? I'm not asking it to be good as in "you did something for the world" but just, is it good enough for you? Count the blessing, even the littlest one, and if it doesn't feel enough, why? This isn't a motivational call to help you become the best etc, etc, this is just something you need to be aware of.

I've worked exactly two years now and I realized that everything gets mundane one day. It wasn't really a bad thing cause what we're doing now is essential for the nation's health and for that, I'm proud of what I'm doing. I'm glad that my work doesn't bother me after working hours and the mundane of it made it easier to just go to work, focus and just leave it once the clock hits 5. I still got time to read, write and spend a leisure weekend. 

Reading that about me what do you think about yours? I love this part of myself. Where I notices these things and how it affects me and what I needed to do if I need to do anything. Even when I can't do anything, I can at least, figure out what I can do to just make it bearable. Sometimes, acknwoledging those feeling is good enough.

My (delayed) Half Year + 3/4 Year Review

Sep 23, 2019

Sometimes, like just now, my family members (usually it was my dad) will push the front door rather forcefully and it is just so loud. I mean, is it really necessary guys? The door wasn't even locked.

Apart from that, I was having a rather good month. Of all the long weekend, I wasn't assigned to work on any of those weekend shift so I got the weekend all to myself. I need to work this weekend but I got off days since Wednesday and I also got next Monday and Tuesday off too. However, even with all those free time, I just don't have the time to update my blog. I left the @twtblogger_MY account inactive too because I simply forgot. I was supposed to continue painting my brother's room but I guess that can wait so here I am.

Anyway, I've been dreading this topic for the longest time. It is almost the end of September which highlighted these three rather important things.

  1. My two-year job contract is ending
  2. I have delayed  this half-year review for three months
  3. I am still fat

Let's just get to it. As I have planned earlier this year, I need to do a review for every three months so we are now kinda killing two birds with one stone. I've been doing less of that monthly target which I should do as well in this post for October. Let's recap our New Year's resolution then.

Lose weight

All those planning to be more active dies. I tried going to the gym but I didn't continue after puasa and I thought of doing simple exercise at home which I only did once. I do eat better than before where I eat more junk food and I simply ate all the time but I still need to cut out sugar. I'm doing no sugary drink every other day and it was surprising how bad I was refraining myself. I need to eat less rice too. I was considering to join those weight loss coaching just to get their meal plan and the necessary push to actually do it. I'm not losing any weight but it wasn't increasing too so that's a win, I guess.


I'm on my eleventh book and Goodreads suggest to read one book per week if I want to reach my 25 books per year pledge. That was last week though. I thought of reading two local ebooks just to get a little speed. My copy of Langit Vanilla is still missing. I should probably finish Lord of The Nutcracker Men first. But I have read Wind/Pinball which is so confusing but feels so dear to me and also Breathe which is just amazing. I didn't read much but those that I have are some good masterpieces that just enriches me. I'm not saying that I know life better, but knowing those storyline and characters feels like I've been living those lives too. It was a good way to live life.

Money management

These past three months had seen me at  my top money management game. I needed to pay my Hannan Medispa treatments and I also needed to buy some costly stuff on top of saving money for my car's service and insurance. I just need the bulk of these settled before October. I was amazed how well I manage my money and I even got some spare to do a little shopping. I still need to donate more though. Speaking of that, I should really do a monthly deduction for donation as well. I still not menabung.

Having Fun

I forgot that I need to plan for Sabah, Brunei, Singapore and Japan. I don't go anywhere really but a target is still a target. I really don't care on going for trips but it was annoying how peoples expects me to do so because I'm young, free etc etc. But I still have lot's of fun. I spend more time hanging out and chill with my friends and collegues.  A friend of mine suddenly came to visit me the other day so we do a short trip to Kuala Selangor and Pangkor. I'm so going to watch It 2 in the since I never watched horror movies in cinemas. 

Trying new things

I don't focus much on these because it was supposed to be that side thingss when I got extra time. But  I think I should focus more into this for this last quarter of year. There are few thing I have highlighted which is having a pet, learn paint brush, learn mandarin, learn a music instrument and be minimalist. I don't think I'll have a pet. My housemate is raising a hamster and I thought this will serve as a good exposure but I don't even hold it once. I'm not scared, it was just borderline tedious, annoying and felt incredibly wrong too. I don't agree that she buys it instead of adopting one and that she did it to relieve stress. I don't know, it just feels wrong to treat animal like that. She only bought one and now I'm sad on how alone the hamster must feel.

I'm definitely learning ukelele. I just tweet about it the other day and some online friends of mine were being so supportive. I'll buy it on my next pay day. I have all the instrument for paint brush but I just don't feel like doing it much.

I try to learn Korean instead of Mandarin because apparently, the key to learn a new language is to learn one that you particularly fond of. I want to learn Mandarin because it will help with my work and that was it. At least with Korean, I like BTS songs and I do watch their variety shows which will help me learn it better. I have downloaded Duolingo but it was a bust. I think I need to redo it lol.

Minimalism is interesting. I keep on throwing stuff that just don't work anymore or try to use whatever I have until it finishes. It just feels refreshing to not have lots of stuff attached to me. Funnily, this addresses my poetry account that hasn't been updated for the longest time. I'm going to write it all back into my notebook (thus using up my book) and just start blank. I'm not sure what to expect though. I just like the idea of a blank page.

That was it.

Fun update - I just texted my dad saying that we wanted to buy ticket to Yogyakarta since AirAsia is having promotion. He says I can't go without a mahram. I'm practically stupefied since then.

I could just get  married.

Image result for jungshook gif

Ok now, let's keep on being productive. I need to put some targets for October. I haven't been doing proper targets for months. I think the best ones was earlier this year only. Plus, since my two year contract is ending, I'm not even sure where I will be in the next two weeks but oh boy, October is busy busy busy!

First of all, my Hannan Medispa sessions. I just finished my fifth treatment and as I said before, I'll update once I finished my fourth session so yeah. There's that. Plus, since my acne is clearing up well, the staff will do this treatment (which I conveniently forgotten the name) that will cause this intense peeling and a downtime of 10 days that will help lighten my scars. I need to like at least have few off days after the session and I need to time is during my period because my face can't touch water for the first 12 hours. This is very puzzling. Omg, I forgot that I only tweeted this thing. FYI, I was having a minor breakout and I did some treatments in Hannan Medispa as they just opened up a new branch near my home.

Secondly, I need to have my car serviced and start researching more about my car's insurance plan. I will have my NCD cut plus I want to add windscreen into my plan so I guess some research is needed. I was thinking to buy it from my friends. I think there's some highschool of mine who are agents.

Image result for gif money money money

Thirdly, speaking of car. I need to give the necessary support for my sister who is taking her car and motorcycle lessons. I don't even trust her with motorcycle but Walid is adamant for us to all have both motorcycle's and car's license after we reached the legal age. 

Next, some fun miscellaneous stuff. There's two place I need to go to eat for two separate reason. The first one is this restaurant that is kinda good but some people says that the quality just decreases madly during Ramadhan. I made it a mission with my friend to confirm it. The second place is this good chicken rice place that I need to introduce it to my other friend. Also, I never watches horror movies in cinemas so I made it a goal to watch It Chapter 2. I am so not watching it alone. There's also this shopping plan. A friend at work was planning to shop for tudung bawal at this really cheap place here. We're going to bring our clothes so we could match it with the tudung. It was only RM4.90 each. We went there before and bought these two super cute baju kurung each as it was only RM39.90. On top of all of that, the most important thing is I need to buy a ukelele!

To end this, here are some blogging topic I need to write. Hopefully.

  1. My Hannan Medispa experience
  2. That library in Aeon
  3. My short Kuala Selangor trip + Mustawa Cafe review
  4. My experience eating at Big Whale Cafe

I almost forgot - if I didn't get a permanent job in the government, I need to start job hunting. Also, I need to do a good timeline on what to update in @twtblogger_MY.

(almost) 30 Things I Love About My Life

Sep 18, 2019

I am actually excited about this. But still, 30 is a lot so my list will be totally random and probably out of place. On the flip side, I think I can also do a good list of 30 things that I hate about my life but no, we will not venture onto that path.

I have actually abandon @twtblogger_MY for a whole week but that's another thing to be bothered on another time~

30 Things I Love About My Life

  1. I manage to write the other two posts for September and this is the third one (provided that I manage to finish it today)
  2. My colleague just borrowed me her copy of Breathe and I love it!
  3. I'm also reading Pinball at the moment and I love how it feels so dear to me somehow.
  4. We (my colleague) went to Mykori yesterday and this western food restaurant today. I love how relaxed we were able to sit together, enjoy the food and just enjoy each other company.
  5. I put this wax stuff on those leather surface in my car and it was so satisfyingly shiny and I was hit by this epiphany on how much freedom I got by having my own car so yeah, I love my car lol.
  6. I realized that Cameron Highland is THE  good quick getaway for me
  7. I told a friend of mine about my awful car accident, made some stupid joke about it and it just feels good to be able to say that freely.
  8. My skin has been breaking out again and the sense of self-consciousness, insecurities, meltdown and everything in between hits me so hard. I don't want to be bothered by it. At this stage of my life, I just wanted to accept everything as simply me being me and that I'm not flawed. So now I keep on slowly instilling this belief into my own self (and hopefully I'll be filled with so much self-confidence that nothing can shake me) and I love that I'm able to be at this stage.
  9. My sister has been doing so well in her classes at the community college and I love it when she randomly texted me telling about her class assignments.
  10. My youngest brother seems to be growing healthier, happier and more active. It feels so good.
  11. Two of my aunts randomly went on a road trip together to my hometown and randomly made a stop at the hospital to visit me. It was wild. They didn't even bother to call me beforehand and I love that I got such a surprise visit from people that loves me.
  12. I've been sleeping better for the past few days. I love sleep.
  13. I went to a schizophrenia lecture last Tuesday and I'm able to learn a lot. Learning is fun and I hope I can get more opportunity as such in the future.
  14. Sometime last year, I have decided that I wanted to wear only either monochromatic colours or something nude and plain. This decisions still lives on and I love how unbothered I was when my colleagues told me that I need to wear more colours.
  15. I've been adhering quite well onto my skin routine. Even though progress is hardly visible, I love how well discipline I am being.
  16. Work has been quite enjoyable. I made a point to just chat more and made more stupid jokes.

updates - I wrote this like almost a month ago and I didn't update it. I keep on thinking to finish it later and later and later never came. It become those thing that I procrastinate because I don't like doing it and making myself continue writing this kinda denies the purpose. So I decided to just stop it there. I don't think it's like those moments I became too negative or whatnot. It just feels weird to make myself think of moments that made me feel happy and then later on feels like, is this even valid? 

Well, to make few more notes, I'm excited for some stuff I just bought online the other day. I have few off days to just do nothing which is exciting. I went to Sangkar with my colleagues which is such a funny experience. To top it off, I'm currently waiting for our MA famous "nasi kerabu and nasi dagang"

Life's good. Writing it feels weird lol.

What Do I Understand About Self Love

Aug 24, 2019

Maybe I'll read a book about self-love one day. I got the rough idea what self-love is but to learn more is also important plus this term is coined during the era of information technology and globalization so Googling it makes sense. Also, I hate most self-help book.

By the way, this is going to be long and all over but I love it so much.

If you Googled the definition of self'-love, it will state the meaning to be - regard's for one own well being and happiness. The source was Oxford. I looked into Urban Dictionary as well because we are so 21st century that way and it states that it means - to unconditionally spoil, value yourself and accept your self-worth. Putting yourself first so you can grow externally and internally for YOU. It’s a value that shows and symbolizes how much you appreciate and accepts who you are and not who you’re told to be.

Urban Dictionary got it beautifully done, isn't it?

It's funny that I choose to write this at this very exact moment because someone I know close just got into an anger rampage on the most menial stuff (he has the worst anger issue) and made a very stupid decision. I think he thought it will be satisfying because he thought the decision will affect those he got mad for but then no one actually got affected. Everyone knows well about his temper that no one actually cares anymore so now the one actually got affected is only himself. His ego is what hindering him from accepting that he got some serious anger issue. This is one of the main reason why I choose consciously to control my own ego. 

I don't want to end up like him and that is me loving myself more.

He actually knows that this in turns making his life depressing but instead of admitting he needs to change, he blames others. He can choose not to let his anger get the best of him, not to let things creep into him so that he can live better. He needs to choose better. In the end, the choice is for him. The choice is because he loves himself and for me, that is one important factor why empowering self-love is important. It was for the most important person - you.

Image result for gif flower field

Psychology Today (a magazine publisher of the same name based in New York and had articles written by actual psychologists and academics) had this beautiful article about self-love. Read it here to learn about their advice on how to achieve self-love. What intrigues me is that actions - be mindful, practice self-care, know your limits, forgive yourself and the very way you choose to live your life is not how self-love works but having loving yourself more is what affect these choices. This in turns makes you feel better and empowers you to be better. In turns, when you do more, you'll feel even better about yourself and it helps you to love yourself even more.
Self-love is dynamic.
There's another article from This is a website that focuses on those holistic approaches which also includes astrology that I usually steer away from but I like the steps that they shared. I realized that I did most of them and those steps make me feel a whole lot better but I only decided to do it when I start to choose things for the sake of I love myself more.

Out of the 10 approaches, I realized I did seven of it which is

  1. creating a self-love ritual
  2. an inner understanding "what's working for me" list,
  3. clean out my closet, no more comparison
  4. explore my spirituality
  5. do something I good at
  6. build my letting go muscle.

They state that these steps are what helps you to achieve self-love but for me, I will have a hard time really makes an outcome out of it if I don't love myself first. I think it was about a year before I can confidently say that I got to be able to all those seven things. Yup, self-love takes time.

Realizing your worth is what will help you to fuel all those actions and motivates you to do more but at the same time, when you love yourself more, doing all those actions might not be needed. That the way to love yourself doesn't mean the same for everyone. Yet, it is also important to not be affected by how people choose their way of loving themselves such that you think you're not doing good enough. Loving yourself means to know your limits and to respect those limits.

What you do now is enough and by time you'll hone your self-love spirit enough to power you to do that next step. The time will come accordingly.

However, I do believe, to care for your physical well-being is mandatory. You don't actually need to be super strict with your diet or a fitness enthusiast but you still need to watch what you eat and live an active life. This opinion of mine is heavily influenced by the book "Ikigai" actually. Their lifestyle just makes sense.

Life Living GIF

The funny thing is, these choices that I did, I only did it because it makes me feel better. I keep on choosing things that will make me feel better. When did I realize that what I practice is actually self-love? It was BTS. Yup, that k-pop group.

They were promoting their Love Yourself series but I never really put much attention to it. Even though I keep making these choices that make me feel better, there is still this nagging question in me - am I even worth for all the self-love thing everyone been talking about? I just thought I wasn't at the stage to think that self-love is anything applied to me. Not until they released a song called Epiphany. I never knew. That was when I made myself really question self-love.

The Epiphany in the song is about how the singer finally realized he actually need to choose to love himself first. That even though he might be flawed, he still worth to be loved. There's actually a longer backstory to it but the lyrics itself is so beautiful.

The song Paradise also made a profound impact on me.

Image result for paradise bts lyrics

My Greatest Weakness

Aug 16, 2019

I have two, very prominent trait, which I deemed both as my greatest weakness. I know using "the" implies that one most thing, but in this case, I still wanted to use these two traits because it was obnoxiously opposing.

I am an egoistical person but at the same time, I am very self-conscious.

The irony here is that I always mitigate my self-consciousness by reasoning with my ego such that no one can touch me. 

Here's a case study - I always thought myself as the not pretty one. I have lots of acne scars (the fair skin in my Twitter is make-up, in case nobody believes me) and to add that up, I gained so much weight this past year so now I was like "I am gemuk and tak cantik". Save that petty talk "everyone is pretty" because everyone knows it is only true up until a point. Those petty talk never helps me when I always avoid long eye contact because "they will make comment about acne" or "to sit up straight and choose loose clothing" so that the didn't point out those flabby stomachs. People are cruel. They never thought they are because "it is a joke" and "I'm a concerned stranger" are apparently the license you needed to point of flaws. 

But I am a well taught, 21st-century millennials with 90's childhood plus a hint of gen-z spice, I know I shouldn't feel this way. 

Image result for millennial gif

I realize being ego make it easier for me to fuel my idgaf soul which in turn helps me to not wallow myself in pity. The problem is that I am an egotistical person first before I realized that this self-assurance came from my ego side. It has helped me tremendously to not become too immersed in other people opinions of me but at the same time I keep on qiestioning myself "did I just fuel my ego side this way?". I have realized I am such an egotistical person since matriculation and have since then talk myself out consciously to admit openly when I made a mistake or when I don't know things.

I'm not sure if these are weaknesses but I really spent too much time reasoning with myself about this. Like how people taught of my appearance daily or how desperately I try to hide when I don't know stuff at work so that I'll not be looked down or how it is so hard for me to ask help from others. I'm pretty self sufficient so that's a plus lol.

I'm pretty sure many people experience these but since I am so self-aware with my emotional state, I just over analyse everything.

Put that up too, overanalyse everything~

Mona Lisa, Blog Ideas and twtblogger_MY

Aug 13, 2019

I have planned to write three posts in August but it's already the 13th of August yet I haven't written anything. Today's is Tuesday but I can see how I am so not able to write anything for the whole week so yeah. 

By the way, check out the newly made Categories section on my sidebar. I decided to highlight that three categories and have spent about half an hour just to tweak those and also re-tagging my post. I need to go deeper but I guess that could wait. I need to update these first.

mona lisa

I wanted so much to share this so here it is. I'm not sure if you guys notice but Balai Seni Visual Negara has been hosting Leonardo Da Vincci's pieces for the past month. Not the actual ones, I mean how on earth they will transfer the very wall that holds "The Last Supper" mural, but it was this hi-tech camera thingy with another hi-tech lighting stuff that allows you to view the pieces as if it was the real thing They also made sure to also capture the deteriorating condition as well. I sit through the entire explanation of the process, that's why I know this.

It was held for a month and "conveniently" I was busy on all weekends. I was afraid I didn't get the chance to see it. But since I worked the night shift on Yang Dipertua Agong's coronation day, I got the day after off. I requested for off-day on Thursday too and that is how I ended up suddenly at BSVN, alone, in the middle of the week, to watch Mona Lisa and The Last Supper.

I'm not an art aficionado but I love looking at the art pieces from this era especially those from churches. For me, it was just beautiful, intricate and the detail is mind-blowing too. I let myself absorb all the details. The Last Supper is so big. 

The Annunciation

My favorite is "The Annunciation". It just looks ethereal and the details on the flowery grass carpet are just so pretty. It was also an interesting POV to see how they hold sacred on their Christian teaching and just how the same but also contrasting it was with Muslim teaching. But as I said before, it matters to me because it is prettyyyyyy.

blog ideas

Although it seems impossible for me to write all those three posts. I should at least have a specific topic to write. I did state in my August's target to make this list. Basically, I wanted to write two topic for that four main themes I wanted to put in my blog namely (1) self-discoveries, (2) self-love, (3) mental health and (4) life hacks that would fit into the first three themes.

The first and second theme seems interchangeable, isn't it?

So here is the topic -

  1. Self  discoveries: My greatest weakness + 30 Things That I Love About My Life
  2. Self love: What Does It Mean To Love Yourself + Journaling for Self Love
  3. Mental Health: What Is Mental Health + How Are You (I want to write something to prompt people into thinking  more about their mental health status)
  4. Life Hacks: Self-affirmation + podcast

These are some wild topics for me but I'll try my best. I want to write these because I want to learn as well. These topics just feel right for me so I'll give it my very best.


I made a twitter account meant for a good space for us and it was slow. I got confused on what the heck I should do and my self-consciousness is always trying to get the better of me but I persevere, guys, I persevere. As much perseverance it is lah since the account was only live for about three weeks only lol.

I'll stick through even if the hype is not much. Ok, probably as long as there is some, I'll keep on going. I am amazed how much self-motivation I poured into this but I know this is for me. It is mainly because I want it to work out so bad plus I am dedicating this as my current life project.

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July is The Past and August is For Blog!

Aug 6, 2019

I did a poll to decide a suitable name for a Twitter account meant for that community blogger and it seems that @twtblogger_MY is leading. Once we figured out the name, I'll come up with a logo and make that account. If this sounded confusing for you, just read this, this and this.

(update - the twitter account is LIVE! Follow us @twtblogger_MY and join the #bloggerchat)

Glad to get that out of the way, now for life updates. 

I still didn't do my half-year review since I don't have the time to do that just yet. I was honestly going to go to sleep since I still need to work tomorrow (plus, today is Monday for heaven's sake). But you know what made me turn on my laptop and write? My warm tea. The still-warm tea that I made two hours ago in the spirit of updating my blog but now it's already 11.30pm but I don't want to betray my tea so yeah.

As I have told before, I don't have any goal set for July but decided at the last minute rather suddenly to use the last 10 days of July to do three things everyday namely - 

made my bed, drinks 2L of water and sleep by 11pm

I successfully did my bed every day except for this one day that I got other stuff messing my room thus it feels like mehh to make my bed when my room is a mess. It was good going home to a made bed because it makes me try to also make sure my room isn't a mess too. I'm not a messy person but I usually just leave my morning hassle and put things back when I got back from work. It is more therapeutic to go home to a tidy room and be able to go straight into chilling. I remember feeling a bit bad on that one day that I didn't make my bad. I didn't think it will affect me that soon.

As for drinking, I bought a new tumbler that holds 2Lof water. I think it was on the fifth or sixth day that I drink just a little more than 0.5L because we were so busy that day that I don't even get the time to drink. Back home I got so tired and went to sleep early. There are few days that I think I only get just a little more than 1.5L. I don't think drinking water really do anything instead of peeing more often. I've been doing it for sometimes because drinking more water makes me feel hydrated and cool but that's just about it. I still keep in mind to at least drink more plain water but I don't feel the need to drink so many. The new tumbler is staying since it is easier to track how much I have been drinking.

Last but not least, sleeping early, if 11 is considered early. Funnily, the very first day I started this challenge, I got a night shift. My sleep schedule always goes funny for at least another day after it so no sleeping early for those first two days. I think there are about one or two days that I got busy so I only went to bed at 11 but the rest I really did try but I can't and by the last two days I gave up. I think I'm good with sleeping at 12 am for the rest of my life. My sleeping schedule is always fixed this way too even on weekends so yeah, not sleeping early than 12 am for me. 

The goal of that three habits for 10 days is a win-win thing. If I keep doing it, means it is good for me to do but if I don't, I got to reflect why I don't and sees if it is just a matter of discipline or just learning my body boundaries.

Ok now for August!

Ever since I decided that I have a blog niche, it feels more purposeful to have this blog. I did a little tweak here and there, try to read more blog that helps me understand more on how I wanted my blog to be presented and most importantly, getting into more knacks that helps me to connect with more blogs. These knacks include getting in Bloglovin, using Disqus and do more research on a good community blogger out there. I found one good community called Bloggerstribe that I actually like (I don't know why I'm so picky like this). It seems to have more blogger with a writing style that I preferred and a rather interactive presence (as interactive as twitter can be but it is honestly the admin did a good job).

Now in the midst of all that I forgot one most important thing. I don't have content. I keep on thinking I am this now but I have very little to show that I am what I say I am. 

My new niche is all about self love, self discoveries, mental health and lifehacks/tips. Basically, it is a means for me to be better in my life. So now for August, I will focus on my blog content which means (1) more reading and (2) more writing.

August to do then includes - 

  1. List out TWO topics for the theme of self love, self-discoveries, mental health and lifehack/tips each.
  2. To publish at least three topics.
  3. To learn more from other bloggers aka read more blogs
  4. To go through with my Malaysian community blogger project.

I am so excited for this but now it is almost 1230am and I'm afraid I will wake up late tomorrow and MY OUTFIT IS STILL NOT IRONED.