Realization. The Harsh Truth.

 this post here. is a messed up one. started with a confusion. and slightly to a conclusion. 

"Allah, i am very sorry. i am too ignorance"

i pray to Allah. please let me be able to study better so that i can score 4flat for my exam. so with it, i could be a better pharmacist for my community. i pray that this is my jihad. my ibadah. and hope that Allah will accept that.

but, during this study week, i feel like i have lost the motivation to study.

i didn't push myself to reach as much as possible in one day
when stuff get complicated, i can't find myself to take effort to indulge into textbooks.
i reads manga and play game too much.
i wake up so late cause i couldn't sleep early.
and the worst thing is, i got so much that i didn't covered yet but i feel NOTHING.

yet i keep on praying like that. it kills me when day by day, i am still like this. and then i started to wondering. why Allah give me this?

when i pray Asar today, as usual, after solat, i will do my "doa". but this, it's quite special since i just watch this video by ustaz nouman ali khan on his tadabbur al baqarah sentence 186.

watching it, i try to be focus and to realize that Allah is actually there listening to my petty doa. 

suddenly, it struck me hard. it struck so damn hard when i realize that, what i'm praying for, my doa, is a selfish doa. my doa it solely for the better of me. for my future life. though i am convincing myself NO, it is an ibadah for Allah. yes, my intention is that my study will be my ibadah. but, i realize that i am making excuse for myself. i thought that i can skip on doing all those ibadah sunat since well, this is also ibadah. i'm doing all the wajib one's and thought that that was enough as i get my study to back me up. but i was wrong.

ibadah is something that you can't expect anything from it worldly. it was only between you and Allah. it can't benefit you in any way possible except that it will raise your status *insyaAllah* before Allah. that what makes it so hard to have your whole mind into it (kusyuk). we are doing things that benefit us in the way that we know but we can't see or even imagine about it. we, human, are so hard to be stisfied with things that we can't reach. we can't "feel" how actually our ibadah would do us so much in the life hereafter. a life of eternity. well, at least i am. not saying everyone are the same. feeling such, i feel this emptiness in my ibadah. i simply done as it is compulsory. 

very little iman of me, yet i ask for such excellence in life. i only eligible to ask for His forgiveness to all my sins. but, Allah was so great. We know all His sifat and 99 names of Allah BUT the real meaning of it was beyond our imagination. when we say Allah is Very Forgiving, the forgiving of Him would never be anything to be compare with all sort of forgiveness in this world all combine together. This is one of the many reason Allah is one and only God that we HAVE to worship.

which i have failed greatly. i wanted my study to become an ibadah yet i ask for blindly asked for my study to benefit my future life. how is it Allah gonna accept it as an ibadah? i rarely do ibadat sunat taking that i am too occupied or too tired with my study. though this, doing ibadah sunat would really test my faith for Allah. doing ibadat sunat, thing that would greatly benefit us, with all sort of rewards, yet we can see it. and to make it harder, since it need to be done with your free will. this is the proof how little iman i have. 

this is WAR. the real war that I need to fight. i can't be fighting for my brothers and sisters who have their life being taken simply because the believe that the TRUTH is Allah is the only God exist. i can't YET fight in that war before i win this one.

and hopefully, by Allah merciness, that Allah accept our ibadah and then He will give lots of thing for us to enjoy even in this fragile. But, at that time, maybe everything would be a wonderful thing to us. We will enjoy everything that Allah give. the good one, or the bad one. we have so much iman, that we trust Allah so much, that we know that Allah give us only the best. if only we know how to take it. no more emptiness except this urge to do more ibadah. we careless about others except how to get Allah to be pleased with.







 





Roll On : Fun Stuff bout My Header


that picture header of mine,

  1. was taken inside Sungei Wang Plaza. never go there anymore. too expensive and boring too.
  2. the watch i wore have gone. now got Superman logo on it.
  3. the blue orange phone case was changed. new one way cooler.
  4. i never wore that purple tudung anymore since i got new one. better one.
  5. the balalaca bag, got shoes that i just bought that day. and i just know yesterday that the shoes have terkopak. due to my sister extensively wearing it to her class.
  6. i even changed my spectacles. and it cost me only RM88. must be the cheapest i have ever bought.
  7. the shoes that i wore that day also have terkopak. haha. why all my shoes ended up like that. but better lah since it is a very good excuse to throw it. :P

#moral of the story, time passes and lot of thing changed. though simple stuff like dis. and time passes so fast and a friend of mine told that it is actually sign of The Judgement day is nearing. i never knew it though. hmm. how prepared are we? :(

Roll On : Rolling Rolling


gahhh.

here some fun stuff.

i notice i get depressed regularly. and it is actually my very own PMS. knowing that ease me since i know that i'm not that pathetic of a person to be negative and stuff. huh!

the reinvent thing. it failed badly!! i readjust it by having to wake up earlier than usual (though got times still failed) and reward myself to sleep back (LOL)

the idea is, i need to pray Subuh earlier!! i'm going to reach that point where i quickly pray after Azan. Pray for me !!

furthermore, it is rather imposible for me to sleep early. the idea for me to get up early is to sleep early. but then i was too busy. sometimes, due to groupwork and meeting, i even only get to my room past 11. *excuses?

i try to read yasin daily, and also now try to read al-mulk before sleep. i hope i can make a habit out of these. the problem is, when i got my period, i become clueless of what to do. they say do zikir. but with iman like mine, it hard to get into it you know.

ok. i just thought of this. i need to read islamic books!! yup! got tonnes of it.  set 10 minutes for it at each solat prayer. >.<

bout the zikir thing, i think i'll go for the daily zikir. or tasbih fatimah. ermmm. it didnt much affect me, but it does make me feel better thinking that i succeded on doing it. though i know i only doing it cause Allay wanted me :)

my coursemates during mid sem exam @ first year

the reinvent thing, though it was very very good. but it is damn hard. i'm never be that dicipline people but i want to change to it. but, i need to sort out my life first. then, when i succed in this, becoming more dicipline, i'll do the reinvent thing.

my friend once say her daily goal was to be better than yesterday. i never really think hard about such word, not until when she said it and meant it. and then i realize, that is what i need to improve, to be better than yesterday.

leave yesterday stupid things we do, and change it today for a better things.




oh. yes. i'm in the middle of my study week. and i got no mood to study at all. i force myself though. and the result is a very slow pace study. even for topic that i have understand and i simple need to read it back.

haha, but i'm improving from yesterday though. well. a little.

p/s : i'm hungry, but it is already 11pm. to eat or not to eat?



Roll on : Stop Doing That !!

Assalammualaikum and good morning!

you know something, i used to be crazily blogging. do blogwalking here and there. chit chat over the FB with other bloggers. always make renovation on my blog. and stuff.

that is when i just joined blogging. it was after SPM and i got lots of spare time. and then get muself a work and this blog things start to become hard to commit too. after that, comes matriculation times where i rarely do any post . seeing i actually got 3++ followers (during my rajin time i always joined contest to popularize my blog) was actually hard to accept since my blog are full of nothing but my crappy thought. now, this blog seem like "hidup segan, mati tak mahu"

so, now i am quite back to blog. am i ? haha, this is quit tricky. i'm in my mid sem break so i got some spare time. God knows that i would be super busy when i start my study back.

but, i love to blog during time. it sort of, releasing my tense. very cool way to improve my writing also. though i always failed to recheck before posting and end up with lot of spelling error.

so, the "Stop Doing That !!" here might be would mean,  don't leave my blog unattend.



OK NOW. THE REAL DEAL.

this list is to remind me some annoying habits of mine that kind of held me back.

  1. Procnastination. Need to do listing and start working from that list.
  2. Last minute work. Kind of like the first point. 
  3. Google thingsssssssssss. It is fun to know stuff, but it is too time consuming.
  4. Leave all my new books just like that. I need to finish all of those.
  5. Get tensed on your own. Got single room now. Quite lazy to go to my friends room. I think i need too so i can release my tense by talking and also would help my ukhwah
  6. Think that i can do that or i'm not that good or i'm too shy or that is stupid. Cause it is NOT
  7. Thinking too much. it really does burden me.
  8. put my things all over the place. habis bersepah
  9. eat too much junk food and sugar. and cold drinks. need to take care of my health.
  10. only focus on certain class. that i'm interested only, need to focus on all and take notes!
  11. start studying my lecture note too late. need to read it earlier so can do some clarification on things that i need to focus. can ask lecturer also.
  12. making excuses. to others and to myself!
  13. think bad about people. i need to have the way of think such that everyone is better than me. 
  14. twisting other peoples mind. hehe. well, only on those that i do  purely for my benefit.
  15. well, this list may go on and on

so, let us change and be istiqamah!


and nothing even feel more right that to do it Islam way!







Roll on : Reinvent Yourself with a Plan and Sunnah

So, regarding to my previous post, i have told that i want to construct a plan that enable me to reinvent myself. the main idea is, i was hoping this plan can help me to become a better person than yesterday and here it is! 

Since the explanations why i choose to do this and that were quite long, this plan may require about 3 parts. Please correct my facts if i wrong and do suggest any thing that i can do to improve myself. Thanks!!

_________________________________________________________________________


Assalammualaikum ! :)

Feeling rather great now, maybe because i have jogged this evening. My stamina was so gone, i tried to put myself as hard as i could, and it really is feel great! but, having asthma surely was not pleasant as i easily become breathless. more jogs for me then. 

Ok. back to main point. this plan of mine was designed to comply with busy lifestyle as a student and my most annoying bad habit which is difficulty waking up in the morning.


First Step

To wake constantly at 5.30 am everyday. This is quite a challenge for me as i always wake up after 6.30 am. not good at all as i am very late for my Subuh prayer! but insyaAllah with istiqamah, i would be able to make this as my lifetime habit . i used to learn somewhere saying, if you manage to do one thing for 40 days straight, it would become a habit and if you maintain to do it, you will be doing it, insyaAllah, for the rest of your life. But the trick is, you have to make it is 40 days staright. if you missed a day, you need to recount / redo it.

Why i choose 5.30 am? here is where the sunnah part play.




Nabi Muhammad PBUH used to wake up before subuh so that he can do Subuh prayer on time. he would also do tahajjud first, i mean before Subuh time come, and he would sat after Subuh and recite mathurat (and maybe some other things he also do, sorry, i'm not quite sure) until Subuh time finish and about 10 minute after syuruk, if i'm not mistaken, he would do solat sunat isyrak. 


Wake up at 5.30 am
Say alhamdulillah
Read doa waking up from sleep
Have a shower
Solat sunat tahajud (if sempat)
subuh prayer on time, 
read the mathurat and 
end it with solat sunat isyrak. 



So, you might be thinking, you cannot simply jump on to wake up at 5.30 am when you always wake one hour later! Yup, i would never trust my self too, so i construct a plan to help me to wake up in the morning. 

I Google some tips to help me wake up in the morning, being realistic as i am, i point out some tips which is thought would be really working out for me.


  • The main thing is i must have enough sleep, so i must sleep exactly at 11 pm!
  • Do some movement first when i wake up. the idea is, upon stretching, for example, i would feel more concious and do not sleep back. just simply strectch my leg and my hand, not like when you are warming up before doing strenuous activities. twist here and there and this would even help my blood flow and thus making me feel more awake. 



  • Quickly have a glass  of plain water. it would even make me feel more concious and also a very good habit for your health. some say it would make you look younger and prettier. :D




Since i have wake up as Nabi Muhammad PBUH did, i think it would be even better to do some practice that Nabi Muhammad PBUH do before he goes to sleep. Got this from here. Refet the highlighted parts. the part that i want to do.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Antara Sunnah-sunnah Nabi saw sebelum, ketika dan selepas tidur:

1. Membaca Surah As-Sajdah dan Surah Al-Mulk

 Dari Jabir bin Abdullah, Beliau berkata:
 “Rasulullah tidak akan tidur hingga beliau membaca Surah As-Sajdah dan Surah Al-Mulk” (HR Ahmad, Tirmidzi, Nasai dan Hakim dalam Sahih al-Jami’ dan Silsilah Ahadis As-Sahihah)

2. Nabi SAW memberi peringatan agar mengkebutkan (membersih atau kibas) tempat tidur kita. Ini berdasarkan hadis: 
Dari Abu Hurairah dia berkata Nabi SAW bersabda :
 ” Jika seseorang kalian pergi ke katil tidurnya, hendaklah ia mengibas atau membersihkan katilnya dengan bahagian dalam sarungnya, kerana dia tidak mengetahui apa yang ada di sebalik katilnya. Setelah itu ia berdoa ” Dengan nama-Mu, wahai Rabbku, aku letakkan badanku, dan dengan nama-Mu pua aku bangkit kembali, dan Jika Engkau tahan jiwaku, maka rahmatilah ia. Jika engkau biarkan lepas, maka jagalah ia sebagaimana Engkau menjaga jiwa-jiwa hambaMu yang soleh.” - Hadis riwayat al-Bukhari no. 6320, Muslim no. 2714.
3. Jangan tidur menghadap kaki arah Qiblat. Ini adalah kedudukan tidur orang yang telah mati.

4. Barangsiapa yang membaca Tasbih Fatimah, sekiranya dia mati malam itu, dia akan dikira sebagai mati syahid. Apa itu Tasbih Fatimah? Subhanallah 33 kaliAlhamdulillah 33 kaliAllahuakbar 34 kali.

Dari Abu Hurairah r.a katanya, Fatimah meminta kepada nabi s.a.w seorang khadam (pembantu) dan mengadukan bahawa beliau terlalu penat bekerja. Jawab nabi s.a.w :”Engkau tidak akan mendapatkannya daripada kami. Mahukah engkau kutunjukkan sesuatu yang lebih baik daripada seorang khadam? Iaitu, tasbih 33 kali, tahmid 33 kali dan takbir 34 kali ketika engkau hendak tidur.” (Muslim)
5. Baca 3 Qul tiup ke tapak tangan dan sapu keseluruh badan untuk menghindarkan sihir dan niat jahat manusia.

Kemudian sapu kedua-dua tapak tangan ke seluruh bahagian tubuh yang dapat dicapai, dimulakan dengan kepala, muka, belakang, dan dilakukan sedemikian sebanyak tiga kali. (Mafhum daripada hadis yang direkodkan oleh Bukhari)
6. Niat untuk bangun Tahajjud. Tahajjud adalah sebaik-baik pelindung daripada sihir dan buatan orang.
Hadis riwayat Imam al-Nasa’i dalam Sunannya, Kitab Qiyam al-Lail, no: 1763. Sabda Rasulullah SAW:
Sesiapa yang (berniat) akan mengerjakan solat malam, lalu tertidur, Allah pasti menulis untuknya pahala solat malam dan tidurnya merupakan sedekah untuknya.
7. Ambil wudhu sebelum tidur dan Solat Sunat Taubat 2 rakaat.
Sabda Nabi Muhammad SAW didalam hadith riwayat Ibnu Hibban:
Barangsiapa yang tidur dalam keadaan suci, tidur pada pakaiannya malaikat. Maka ia tidak bangun (ketika terjaga) kecuali berkata malaikat (berdoa): “Ya Allah berilah keampunan kepada hambaMu sifulan (disebut nama oleh malaikat dalam doanya ini) kerana sesungguhnya ia telah tidur dalam keadaan suci.
8. Membaca do'a tidur. Ramai orang memperlekehkan doa Masnun (doa harian) tapi hakikatnya harga yang Allah swt janjikan adalah syurga.
Berdasarkan hadith riwayat Ahmad, al-Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Daud, at-Tirmizi, an-Nasai (didalam ‘Amal al-Yaum Wa al-Lailah):
Adalah Rasulullah SAW apabila masuk tidur Baginda membaca:
بِاسْمِكَ اللَّهُمَّ أَحْيَا وَأَمُوْتُ
(Dengan namaMu Ya Allah aku hidup dan mati)
9. Tidur cara Rasulullah saw dengan mengiring badan ke kanan dan tapak tangan di bawah pipi.
Dan dalam hadith riwayat Ahmad, Abu Daud, an-Nasai (didalam ‘Amal al-Yaum Wa al-Lailah), Ibnu as-Sunni dari Hafshah RA katanya: Sesungguhnya Rasulullah SAW apabila hendak tidur, meletakkan tangan kanannya dibawah pipinya kemudian membaca sebanyak tiga kali:
اللَّهُمَّ قِنِى عَذَابَكَ يَوْمَ تَبْعَثُ عِبَادَكَ
Maksudnya: Ya Allah, peliharalah aku dari azabMu pada hari Engkau membangkitkan hamba-hambaMu.
10. Membaca Surah al-Kaa-firun
Sabda Nabi Muhammad SAW didalam hadith riwayat Ahmad, Abu Daud, at-Tirmizi, an-Nasai (didalam ‘Amal al-Yaum Wa al-Lailah), ad-Darimi, Ibnu Hibban, al-Hakim, Ibnu as-Sunni:
Apabila kamu berbaring ditempat tidurmu maka bacalah “al-Kaa-firun” kemudian tidurlah di atas penyudahnya kerana sesungguhnya ia adalah perlepasan dari syirik.
11. Maafkan semua kesalahan manusia pada kita dan halalkan semua hutang piutang sebelum tidur.

12. Jika mimpi buruk . istiqfar 3x (buat isyarat ludah ke sebelah kiri) dan balikkan bantal 
       Jika mimpi yang baik, buat sujud syukur dan solat hajat. Semoga Allah memperkenankan.

13. Menyapu kesan-kesan tidur pada muka dengan tangan 

Imam Nawawi dan Imam Ibn Hajar meriwayatkan, sunat menyapu kesan-kesan tidur yang terlekat pada muka dengan menggunakan tangan apabila bangun daripada tidur. Ini berdasarkan hadis Rasulullah S.A.W.:  
Daripada Ibn ‘Abbas RA katanya:
Maksudnya: “Suatu malam dia pernah tidur di rumah Maimunah isteri nabi SAW yang juga merupakan emak saudara beliau, lalu saya berbaring di hujung tempat tidur, dan Rasulullah SAW bersama isteri baginda berbaring di sepanjang tempat tidur, Rasulullah SAW tidur sehingga pertengahan malam atau sebelum atau selepasnya sedikit, baginda bangun, dan duduk sambil menyapu tidur (kesan tidur) dari muka baginda dengan tangan.”
(HR al-Bukhari dan Muslim) 

14. Membaca do'a sesudah bangun dari tidur:
اَلْحَمْدُ ِللهِ الَّذِى أَحْيَانَا بَعْدَمَا أَمَاتَنَا وَإِلَيْهِ النُّشُورُ
Maksudnya : Segala puji bagi Allah yang menghidupkan aku kembali setelah mematikan aku dan kepada Allah akan bangkit

15. Perkara yang perlu dilakukan sesudah bangun dari tidur.
Dari Abu Hurairah r.a : Rasulullah saw bersabda, “Apabila salah seorang dari kalian tidur, maka syaitan mengikat tiga ikatan di atas kepalanya. Setiap ikatan diikat dengan berkata ‘Malam masih panjang, tidurlah’.

(a). Jika ia bangun lalu berzikir kepada Allah, maka lepaslah satu ikatan.
(b). Jika ia berwudhuk, maka lepaslah ikatan yang lainnya dan
(c). Jika ia mengerjakan solat maka lepaslah semua ikatannya (ikatan syaitan itu).


Sehingga pada pagi harinya (apabila bangun dari tidur) ia berjiwa lapang dan bersemangat. Sedangkan jika ia tidak melakukan hal tersebut (bangun malam lalu berzikir, berwudhuk dan solat) maka pada pagi harinya, jiwanya akan buruk dan malas.” [1606]
16. Bersugi.
"Rasulullah SAW, apabila bangun daripada tidur, beliau menggosok giginya menggunakan siwak (kayu sugi)"
(HR Bukhari dan Muslim)
Ini hanya sedikit sahaja amalan-amalan dari Rasulullah saw dan banyak lagi yang terdapat dalam hadis-hadis sahih yang lain. Sekiranya kita tidak mampu buat semua perkara di atas, janganlah pula kita meninggalkan semuanya. Berusahalah buat sekadar yang termampu. InsyaAllah moga-moga Allah mempermudahkan.
Peringatan : Saat Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam melihat seorang sahabatnya yang tidur meniarap, Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alaihi Wasallam mengejutnya seraya bersabda: “Bangunlah! Ini ialah posisi tidur yang dibenci oleh Allah.” (Sahih Adab Al Mufrad – Karangan Imam Bukhari)
- Secara umumnya ada 4 cara tidur...yang mana satukah pilihan sahabat semua?

1. Tidur Para Nabi
Tidur terlentang sambil berfikir tentang kejadian langit dan bumi

2. Tidur para Ulama' dan ahli Ibadah
Mengiring ke sebelah kanan untuk memudahkan terjaga bagi solat malam

3. Tidur para raja yang haloba
Mengiring ke sebelah kiri untuk dicernakan makanan yang banyak dimakan

4. Tidur Syaitan
Menelungkup/meniarap seperti tidurnya ahli neraka

p/s: Insyaallah moga-moga kita istiqamah.

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So, i also believe, that we need to know  the fadhilat of the sunnah so that we can become even more determined to do it. These are some links for some sunnah that i have listed here in my plan

i would really suggest you to read http://shafiqolbu.wordpress.com/ to learn more about ibadah. It got a lot of ibadah and each of it was explained to great detail. it was such an awesome dakwah effort!

continue to next part. my eyes are tired for writing too long. 



roll on : pass exam

so, i finished my mid semester exam. 


one week of non stop studying. build up of stress and tiredness and some how at this kind of time, i always feel kind of thing empty feeling. since i want to focus on my studying and i build this distance of me with my usual friend that i always hang out with, and this quite a heart breaking moment though. it just that i feel quite hard to give effort for them since i start to focus on one thing, i 'll forget the rest. this is so not good for my social life, to live a separate life every now and then. need to improve on this. 

usually, this empty feeling may cause of "i don't know what to do" and actually "quite lazy to do anything". i would always prefer to spend this time by having a blast with my friend, it just that, with busy schedule and some annoying event happen here and there, it is quite hard. 

but i do i went out though. i went for Times Square and have my dinner at Vivo. I dont like it so much. their menu is quite plain. the taste also. didnt plan to go out actually, i simply join my other friends who have plan earlier to go out and even suggest them to try out some new and interesting place. that is how we ended up at Vivo. 

i don't own this.


so, the point is, i can be quite unpredictable. it is not like weird or what but at my kind of atmosphere, it kinda does. wie are the nerd. bring the crowd out. applause.

argh. what wrong lah with me. i want to say things but i can't as i feel it is quite not appropriate. to blog it out i mean.

oh ya. set up a list i need to take of during my one week mid semester break.


  1. my Pharmacy Practice course assignment. a video. due this monday. 
  2. edit picture for Epharmaline UKM magazine paperwork.
  3. call for sponsorship request for FiMa. this is going to be tense.
  4. gather materials for Immunology course assignment. also a video.
  5. deal with Dr Mohd for exhibition material. btw. Dr Mohd is hot. :)
  6. set up be a better person than yesterday plan. 
  7. and also plan on better lifestyle. diet adjustment plus routine exercise. getting fat lah me. :'(
  8. get my printer fix.
  9. oh ya. plan for my facial treatment. need to be seriousssssssssssssssssssssss.
  10. point out things that being covered in mid semester exam. for my juniors reference.
  11. point out things i always do that have to be stop.
  12. study plan also needed. no more excuse of not enough time to study.

basically, i want to reinvent myself. i got this kesedaran during this one week exam. i always want to do this reinvent myself thing but i either stucked or simply failed to follow the plan. but the determination feeling this time was quite lain daripada yang lain. maybe because i'm getting tired of not able to have good self dicipline. or maybe the idea that i'm getting older bothers me as i keep on my old and non productive way. yup. there is another one to my list. need to build self dicipline





#will post this planssssssssss of mine once i got it all fix. pray the best for me <3





roll on : Afifah stressful effect.

Assalammualaikum!

Current mood. Stress like arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Haha!

Ok, i'm in the middle of exam week. Two paper left and i have this sudden urge to post something though i got tonnes thing to study. i can sometime be really weird. i called it the stressful effect.


aquaria KLCC. underground p/way.


Some thought to point out.


  1. i'm in that time of the month and the stressful exam make my pimples go crazy! this things have troubled me for quite a long time. i try lots of thing but my pimples wont actually become better and my face is full of scar. i got bad habit to pinch my pimples. and the never ending episodes of pimples growth just make it worst. i need to get serious on this. i have also try to see a doctor but...arrgghhhhhhh.. SERIOUS. SERIOUS. SERIOUS,
  2. since now i'm in my second year, i got a single room. it is fun to have your own space since i have been living with 6 siblings for my entire life. but it is quite lonely though. and my room was suddenly the one and isolated from the rest of my course-mates. speechless. not sure it is a good thing or bad thing. but Allah swt have decided everything the best way possible right? POSITIVE.
  3. got those depression kind of feeling every once and a while as if those time when i got into some serious shit during matriculations. i'm not sure it is trigger by what. just that, i hate that vulnerable feeling.
  4. why i always failed to prepare as i want before exams! i managed to do this in matriculation. hmm. need to improve my time management.
  5. i want to be more confidence. 
  6. i want to improve my life. currently i do feel my life lack of purpose and directions. it feel like i have lost something. need to do some deep analysis on my life and do suitable adjustment. need to be strict also on following the adjustment. it is not like i'm getting younger.
  7. i suppose to stop writing like 5 minutes ago and continue my study. but then, here i am. 
  8. i miss my mom.
  9. i miss my bestfriends.
  10. i miss my siblings.
  11. i need to get focus on my life and stop procnasting. also need to use my time on things that really benefits me. more productive!!
  12. start my study earlier. stop giving excuses that i need rest or i'm too busy. it is never no time to study. come on! i can do this!
  13. stop google things and start doing it!
  14. control your eating and exercise more. build your stamina!
  15. i want to on dean list! badly!!

more importantly, i want to make plans that will improve me as a muslim. like a real strategic plan that i know i can follow it daily. be istiqamah on it. the idea is that i try to improve myself daily. i want to be better than yesterday. 

you know something, when i finish designing those perfect plan, i will post it here. for now. my ibadah now is to study!

# I have just changed the melting picture at my sidebar. his name is Joseph Gordon Levitt. i love his cute/hot charismatic figure. i just realized that i got this soft side for guys who nailed suits. they're simply awesome. 

roll on : keep rolling

I never quite understand what does it means to love someone deeply. and sincerely. I don't know why. At first I thought it is just me being cold hearted. Although I know i'm quite a sensitive person but it seems that it may be two separate things.

But i do know how. I see it from my father who always make sure we get everything that we need. I see it from my mother who always so concern about my health. I see it from Angah who never let me down when i ask for help. I see it from Nabila love to hugs me and smile so happily when she saw me home.

Yet, i know and sure that i love them too. Nothing could make me feel less loving them except to love them even more.

Losing really teach you to be grateful and to live in the moment. to appreciate everything. even the smallest thing. cause you could never know when will you lose it forever and what left then to love maybe none. nothing. zero.

and losing have teached me love. i think i quite get the idea of it. the LOVE idea.

it is when you want them to be happy all the time.
it is when you want them to get everything that they want.
it is when you feel guilty when you know that something cannot be undone,
             and the one you love would never get the opportunity as you does.


when you lose something so precious. you will feel true love. and you start to realize that there is much more to it. let it go and do the best that we can.

Allah who love us the most never will leave you. So, why so serious?


fun moment. sad that the camera is rosak now. =.='


roll on : take your words seriously!

i'm not that good with peoples that annoys me. i can be patience and tolerate, but sometimes i just snap. that doesn't bother me much because when i really do that, it is because that thing have been bothering me on and on. i'm not that crazy to marah orang all suka suka hati. though i hope i can still improve this.

just that, i'm quite upset for the fact that i get annoyed easily. although for some people, it is a normal thing to simply accept, i just can't get it. one thing that really bothers me now when living in uni life is that, why people can't live up to their word?

in my atmosphere right now, it seems that your word cannot be trusted at all. a person can't claim for what a person say or show their agreement too. the most common thing is when i set up a time to meet, depending on what kind of deal you are going too, you can actually set allowance for late! amazing right? to think that you can actually predict it. although there are some exception with regard to who is coming also.

fact : if you know you need for allowance of time of 30 minutes (this is the real deal). you could never actually set it to be late for 30 minutes as it will still be 30 minutes late.



and the most awful thing is, i got to go with the flow. since everyone is doing that.

Roll on : National Pharmacy Sports Carnival - NPSC -



Assalammualaikum!

Lets talk NPSC! Not sure why the sudden excitement. NPSC is basically sports event for undergraduates students and alumni all around Malaysia, which studies Pharmacy of course. This year, UKM get the privileged to host this spectacular event. So, me, being so badly not gifted in sports ended up being a volunteer for football match. I did not attend the meeting and this was given to me un-volunteeraly ( attention. there is no such word ). Not very fancy of it as there would be lots of men. I don't want to be all awkward and stuff. Pffff.





But it ended up to be a joyful weekend. My job was very easy. Since the other person who need to work with is also a woman ( my friend Amal ), and woman are so not going to chase ball that got kicked out the fiead, we only need to keep track of the point. I enjoy the match very much though. By the way, UKM lose. Badly. T__T

The first morning. Gettin ready.

After finishing the game, we got some spare time to shopping and eat ! There is a fair being held near the field, so my friend and I decided to eat and even manage to buy a jersi with our name on it. Well, nickname actually. Mine was "Osem" .

Me with UM bus. This orange shirt is NPSC official shirt.

I planned this event to be a weekend to escape and enjoy. Me, studying pharmacy, our campus and hostels  are located at KL. UKM Bangi is the main campus. Since the full facility for sports were there so NPSC was held there. It is like a mini camp. It was only by this time we learned more about UKM Bangi. There are lots of argue on how well equipped is UKM Bangi hostels than UKM KL hostels. Yup there are some things that I find quite unfair for us here to not have. One is to have well organized and fully equipped convenience store. Here, it is only a small store with limited and pricey stock. When at UKM Bangi, we are quite surprised on how the convenience store were full with lots of things and at normal price. Something need to be done about that. 

It was fun to know other pharmacy students and cheering our heart out. We have USM, UM, UiTM, AIMST, MSU, CUCMS, Taylor's and also Monash participating this event. We are quite carefree at that time as we did not have lab reports to work on. We eat and walk and talk and talk some more, watch some match and eat again. Kind to think of it, it was a very nice way to enjoy a weekend. It is not about what you do, it is about with who do you do it. Thank God that I got this bunch of awesome people. My friend really know how to have fun. The important thing is, thing less and smile more!


we eat a lot.

good food! :)

at cafe. going to eat.

DECTAR

amira, me and chu hui.

IIUM bus

orang sesat taking picture with us. :P

never forget your umbrella!


We thought that taking picture with various buses will be important to mark that we are not alone~

something like that~

till next time peeps!





Roll on : Family

you know that feeling when you have 7 siblings and being the oldest one, it will train you to be ignorance to stupid stuff and such a platform to train your temper.


Assalammualaikum folks. i train myself to great in every post. when you read my salam do know that i intend to give this salam for you. i even whispered it so that it is legit. i learned that from someone.


maybe my ustaz/ustazah/mom/tok/tv ???

please give salam back to me.


going back to my first statement. i am the oldest of 7 siblings. the smallest one aged 7 while one after me is only 1 year from me, 19.


that makes me 20. mark that fellow nerds. i'm in the twentieth bebeh.


we are so close. although now we are quite apart. the two boys were in maahad tahfiz. i'm studying at UKM KL while the other sisters of mine in SESERI which is also in KL. when we gather up it's never akward to like teasing and scolding and stuff. yup. i am the most garang one.


i always believe when you endure hardship with someone, it will bond you. strong. my biggest hardship come to our entire family and that makes our bond stronger. we can actually laugh in those moments. silly us mehh.
blood is thicker than water. i never understand this. what compare my friends to water ? this is so not a joke.
define perfect to me.


today vocab limit perfect for a state of flawlessnes ( this may be spelled incorrectly ). that is quite a b*llsh*t. we here got lots of flaw here and there. but we are perfect. we together are perfect. we complete each other.


bullying my sisters

lemah

so. apa itu cinta.

kegilaan. kompleks. mcm mana satu-satu manusia boleh menyayangi seseorang. dek jasanya mungkin. tapi aku sendiri mula meragui syg aku pada org yg banyak berjasa pd aku. itu semua mampu saja dikaburi dgn kenegativiti seseorang. perkara buruk kuat saja menghilangkan sayang. itu tipu bukan?



sebab. mereka kata cinta itu buta. buta belah manakah ? buta kan dari kesakitan yg diberi. atau buta kan dari permintaan yg tak pernah dipenuhi. janji yg tak pernah ditepati. aku keliru. CINTA ITU APA BARANGNYA? 


biar aku nyatakan sejelas jelas. aku menakrifkan cinta sbg satu sayang pada peringkat tertinggi. cuma pada org tertentu dgn kelayakan tertentu. yg sebaik mungkin mampu dinobatkan di situ.


tp mereka tidak paham. aku juga tak betah mahu membuat mereka paham. aku kelu lidah kaku laku utk menunjukkan rasa ini. jadi bagaimana boleh aku kata kan pada kau yg itu sakit! aku sendiri takut. aku lelah sudah mahu terangkan. aku selesa diam begini. aku selesa mengadu pada Dia. tenang dgn ku tahu aku tak pernah keseorangan.

manusia. lemah.