Things I Want to Change About Myself?

Jan 31, 2021

I literally just thought about this. It was the usual realization of things "I should have done" that I only got the time to really ponder deeply about it now that PKP has started again and I have all the time to myself. 

Talking about PKP, what's with the 5K cases? The daily deaths too. This feel so out of hand. Like for real, I'm going to actually continue writing my Covid-19 Diary series cause it seems like we are going to be here for a while.

Anyway, back to the title, this isn't supposed to be a dark thing whatsoever. It was more like things that I have always been conscious about but not too much but still, doing something about it might be a good thing considering I'm two years left to go into my thirties. I might still not doing anything after this but I feel like writing and writing have always been my safe place.


My body weight has been increasing since forever. I've never considered dieting or exercising because for the most part of my life I wasn't exactly fat thanks to my height and stature but now it seems like those can't help me anymore. My cheeks are literally falling out of my hijab lol. Do I hate it? Not exactly. My only problem is that I can't really rock outfits that I think look so cool but won't exactly work if I'm not thin enough. 

It might hurt my chances of getting a guy but these outfits thing is my main issue now. Plus I'm getting older and having some more movements out of my daily life might help me not being a burden when I'm older. I hate being a burden. It makes me anxious.

Skin routine

My acne is acting up, and the mask is just making it worse. I decided to retake Accutane again. Even with the vaccine coming up, there is still a long time for us to spend being vigilant so yeah the mask might stay for a little longer. 

Then I also realized that I have a really bad habit at skincare. I mean I do them but for the most part of it, I still pick at my acne, and recently, I have been doing such a good job of not doing my skincare routine. Mostly because it got so discouraging how oily my skin gets afterward and nothing seems to work off my acne. It was taking so long to heal and the mask keeps on ruining the already slowly healing acne. I'm getting better at it though since I change some of the product and limit to three items only. 

Daily routine

I think I need to add a little something to my life. Make it more stable and fulfilling like those aesthetically pleasing "daily routine vlog". Since we are in the Covid-19 season, my current life includes work, fyp, animes, and tv shows. Although I have exactly no problem doing those things as I chilled after a day of work, my soul kinda craves something more. 

It wasn't about having a purpose in life because I have long settled with living a carefree and chill day to day life but I guess a little something more would help me not getting bored easily. I've been feeling good lately since I started my new work so I guess I just wanted to use this energy more.

That was it. It was rather a short list now, doesn't it? Now I'm not sure what's left to say anymore. Although there is one important change I need to do that is simply hurting my ego yet I just have to do it. 

Have you guys ever heard how bitchy Digi is when their users want to change telco? I have experienced it first hand and it was so obnoxious that I vowed not to use them ever again. 

Guess what telco has the most speed in my new place?

p/s - today is supposed to be a chill Sunday but why is it so hot!

Hannan Medispa Review (Part Two)

Jan 3, 2021

The dalgona coffee that I drank last night has made it hard for me to sleep and I keep waking up the entire night but I still feel refreshed this morning. It's already 8 am but the weather wasn't as bright as it is still raining which actually started around 1a.m. . I'm a bit dreaded to expect the pool of water on the road that will surely give me anxiety. 

Anyway. I need to write something because I need a change of pace and I thought that this is the time I finally write Part Two of my Hannan Medispa Review 

It just occurs to me that I have forgotten most of it and that I have changed my purse to a smaller one so I'm not sure where the heck is my Hannan Medispa's appointment card that wrote the last three types of treatment. There are going to be so many holes in this review so I am sorry in advance #lol.

First thing first, recap! If you've read my first review, you would realize that I have six sessions for acne and two sessions for scars/pigmentations. But since the acne healed well by the fifth session, they change the sixth acne treatment into something appropriate for my skin which in this case, an extra session for my scars/pigmentation. So this review is going to focus on that three-session regarding the scars/pigmentation.

The three sessions include a trichloroacetic acid peeling and two derma pen session. The derma pen session uses different solutions which I can't recall exactly what I have used. I think one of them includes salmon DNA something with Centella and the other one is vitamin C, I think. I'm pretty sure it was vitamin C cause I remember precisely associating vitamin C with the stinging pain afterward. Yup, definitely vitamin C.

The TCA session was great. My skin peels for a week and it was super dry but it greatly reduces the pigmentations and my skin tone looks much toned. The old scars are still there but I loved seeing how healthy and glowing it looks. I knew I will take forever to write this so I make a thread on Twitter about this as the peeling go. Please read the thread if you want to understand my TCA peel process better. The short story version is it basically means my skin dries and peeled off and it works.

I did the peel in January and I should have one-month downtime before doing my next dermapen session but then PKPB happens. So it was once the PKPP started, which was months afterward, that I did my dermapen but the result wasn't as pleasant. Bear in mind that I needed to wear a mask all the time at the hospital and plus the stress kinda gets to you. It didn't occur to me at that point that my breakout was coming at me again and the dermapen can't be as successful because the micro-needling kinda causes me acnes. 

It wasn't a full-blown breakout but still. Anyway, both dermapen causes skin purge but the second one kind rose into a mild breakout although initially, it has healed nicely. I think I did something that causes the breakout but I'm sorry I just can't share any good results from the dermapen sessions. 

Needless to say, since the covid is staying for a while, I've decided to restart my Accutane. I'm still searching for an easily accessible clinic near me and lowkey decided I might just take Accutane for the rest of my life.

Now that sounds depressing. Maybe until I decided to get kids. I need to get married first. That sounded like a long time to go.