Roll On: Too Much Information Tag

This is a repost - due to some issue I have to repost something.


Some bloggers has made this tag and it was a really interesting thing to read. I thought I should try it.

Warning, i'm really lame.

I even supposed to be asleep right now since it has been a long day. Now we need to go to a family friend house after Asar and most probably head home at night. I need some rest. Their mom just passed away. 

I need coffee.

Q1: What are you wearing?

A simple thin t-shirt and comfy pajamas because Malaysia is hot and i'm just hotter.

Q2: Ever been in love?

With my mom, I didn't really understand at the time (when she passed away) about how much I have love her. How much she was a big presence in my life and that she was beyond perfection that I would never ever think of. I don't realize it right away. Sometime last two years I might have "grown up" and notice this. I have been badly in love with her since.

Q3: Ever had a terrible breakup? 

Nope. 

Q4: How tall are you?

A proud 160 cm a.k.a 5'3. Just FYI, i'm taller than Kim Kardashian-West and Anna Kendrick.

Q5: How much do you weigh?

I know this question exist to have a better picture of what the person really is but how about no? Just because. Isn't it's sort of screwed up that knowing if a people is thin or fat might change your impression on their personality?

I'm borderline overweight - based on BMI scale.

No, I don't promote the weird agenda that fat is beautiful. If you're dying because of it, now that just wrong ok.

Q6: Any tattoos?

No, i'm a Muslim. It's prohibited.

Q7: Any piercings?

Nope. Not even ear piercing. Not much a fan on jewelry that would be hidden since I wear shawl. 

Q8: OTP?

Man, I don't really have any pair crossing my mind right now. 

After some thinking, I do have have one. It's funny that I didn't thought of it right away.

Misha Collins and his wife, Victoria Vantoch. I'm an avid Supernatural fans and I just LOVE Misha Collins (i'm fucking fan-girling over a father of two). Misha Collins is a true eccentric and he had a tough life before. Now he have done lots of works to help others. He have been homeless and during his hardship he found peoples throwing him some random kindness which is most of his charity works today. His international scavenger hunts is simply GENIUS. 

Above all, he is downright weird and a big dork. Seeing his chemistry with Victoria was just perfection. I always believe in soulmates but to actually sees it is a satisfaction. You know when you see some celebrity and like that guy is good and that girl is nice and they look even better together because they look good. Misha don't fit into that stereotype and somehow Victoria is like specially the one and only for him. 

WHY AM I DOING SUCH A LONG EXPLANATION?


Actual caption on his Twitter : I'm not sure of what the genetic explanation is, but everyone in our family grows different colored mustaches.

Eating Manjung : ManJunk Grill and BBQ

more about Eating Manjung HERE

ManJunk Grill is among the few independently owned places in Seri Manjung that serve burgers with actual meat patty instead of those frozen ones that usually can be found in typical burger stall (by few I mean I only knew two places and the other one is KopeePaste). A friend of mine told us about it as it is apparently owned by some seniors of ours during highschool - which I don't know. Well.

Roll On: Burning Quran, Babysitting on MRT, Good Foods with Enraging Acne

I went to my relative home at Puchong for five days and sometime during that, I wrote some poems. It felt so damn good to feel inspired to write those.

Poem : Falling.


So he was there.
A smoldering fire.
An exciting energy.
Enchanting me.
Making me breathlessly enchanted.
Oh stop your torturous smile!

He was there, a smug.
Enlighten me.
Do tell me.
How affection stupify,
Does love justifies stupidity.
Oh my i'm lost.
Lost in your eyes.
Those cerulean blue.

He was there,
Making me stupid!
Tad too much, bit unnecessary.
How I wanted to study him,
His expressions and feels.
Anything of him.
Everything of him.

He is fucking still was there,
And I fell for whom he showed me.
Knowing if of a true self,
I might no more.
I might still be.
But hell,
I fell for you now. Stupidly stupified.
His voice an enchantment.
Here I am now.
spell bound.



p/s : i am not in love or something. Just have read too many fluffy supernatural fanfiction.

Poem : a lost cause

And i thought i was contented,
But with you, everything is not enough,
Take me to the outer space,
Let us conquer the world,
Cause i'm lost cause,
With you it's like i'm on fire,
Fuck, you're the gasoline.


Roll On: Three Simple Ways To Leave Impression Onto Readers


I hated my old theme but been too stressed out to change it (it was meant to be temporary because the template before that was not responding in mobile modes). It is such a good thing to finally open my blog, be at the awe and just head over heels in love with it.

Part Two: Let's Do This


One thing for sure, she always despises morning. She thought that the best remedy is to have a good cause that would make her woke up with excitement. Such good cause has never happened. She would trudge herself to the bathroom, entirely working on automatic, took a quick shower and do her Subuh prayer. Even after all that her body just relentlessly wanting to be on the bed right away and it is only after she gets her caffeine fix for the day that she would start be thinking clearly. Screw addiction.

The house is quiet. Mum must be reading the Quran in her room. Mum always read in low voice. She would miss how soothing it sound when she has not been home for long. 

She just starts her semester break yesterday. It was supposed to be a week of laying around and just be with mum before she starts looking for a part time job. Not until some advertisement, her roommate found saying that this boutique she loved was looking for a part time personal chauffeur. Funnily, it specifically said that they need a female university student and only last for as long as the said student were on semester break. The money is good and all accommodation would be provided if they need to go for few days trip. She went for the interview and was only asked for her identity card number before a female interviewer named Maria asked her some personality questions? It was like they need a specific kind of personality and was good when was told she do not even own a car.
Today is the day that she is going to start hew new job. 

"Why are you all dressed up?"
"Mum, I start my work today. Remember?"

Mum looked so surprised. She must have forgotten it. Well, she did not forget stuff but every now and then she would forget some random things which she found endearingly funny. 

"Really?? I didn't prepare any breakfast for you! What time should you go? It starts at 9 am right?"

Mum quickly glanced at the clock only to realise she did not have any time to prepare anything. She was panicking.

"It's okay mum. I'll just grab some sandwich on the way. It's going to be half an hour ride with the bus to that place so I'll just eat on the bus"

She held her mum hand and squeezed it a little to comfort her. Her mum squeezed her hand back and sit beside her at the small dining table. 

"I'm sorry"
"You don't have to, I've been missing the sandwich on Baker's Bee for the longest time"
"No, I mean, for you to have to work like this"
"Mum, you know that I hated it when you say things like that"

Her mum kisses her forehead and stay a second longer before letting go.

"I love you"
"I love you more, mum"

***********

Morning had not been her forte. Moreover, she loved to spend her morning peacefully or in another word, sluggishly. She would take an entire half and hour just to have a breakfast. Not including the time that she would spend to make one. Maria had truly outdone herself as when she had finally agreed to choose that condominium as her new home, Maria had Tesco sending her groceries. She is such a good PA. 

She was halfway through her breakfast, cross-legged on the floor by the two-meter high glass panel. There is still half an hour before 9. 

It would be quite a day today.

***********

The condominium is of sleek and modern design that she seriously doubt is anything family material. The security was thorough. She had to actually showed her IC and the guard took some time to check something on the PC which then she realised he was doing a facial recognition by referring to a passport photo she sent together in her resume. The safety is too thorough for her own comfort but the staffs were very warm with welcoming smiles and kind eyes. She still has five minutes before nine. 

She had no idea what her new employer would look like and Maria had told that it is okay since her new employer would recognise her instead so she just have to wait in the lobby. 

At exactly 9 am a woman probably in her mid-twenties with a plain black baju kurung matched with a colourful flower motif on her shawl approached her.

"Tihani?"
"Yes, that's me"

Tihani mustered up a confident aura though she feels a bit insecure realising that she is a small time girl and in front of her is a big hit. Well, she did not know much about her except for how she is one of the biggest names in Malaysia fashion industry, but just having her in front surely give an audacious vibe. Even in a simple baju kurung with a flower motif shawl.  

"Nice to meet you, I'm Raudhah, and you're gonna drive me all day long today"

She smiles a cheery smile that Tihani swear makes her younger at least by three years old. 



Part One: Let's Do This


"Does the heights appeals you?",

Maria asked while her eyes still fixed on her phone. Too engrossed checking the mails and replying the one needing immediate attention. She was too busy for her own good. Or that is what her mom always say. Always on her phone, always tending to her employer, always need to do just one more thing for "work" like she is some kind of assistant specially made to cater her employer every need. For the hundredth times, she had explained, that she is indeed a personal assistant. 

Being a personal assistant to a perfect employer she has never asked for surely left her with no choice but giving her best. She has been eagerly wanting to be good because not as what her mother thought, her employer is indeed a nice human being. A nice, workaholic human being.

Her employer pays well and for the routine 2 weeks yearly vacation, she gets with flight tickets all on the company expenses truly made her work bearable.

Maria was too busy to even realize that the one being asked is not answering. Maria did not realize that since she is still a bit too fixed to her phone. She is so going to have eye problem. The lady in ivory white top matched with a long cardigan and a pair of black palazzo pant slowly walked across the living room in silence totally oblivion to the question. Her left hand stretch out and her index fingers grazing the textured walls. She stilled for a moment, turning her head slightly to the right, soaking in the minimalist design of the living room. Mostly fixed to the large luscious white carpet and a big L-shaped couch.

On the other side of the room, a large 54 inch plasma tv adorned on top of a steel cabinet. No fancy speakers nor DVD players. Only the tv with a comfy couch in front of it.

She then turned her head and continue walking towards to the two meter high curtain. Her curious fingers graze the material and her lips quirk a small smile adoring the blue pastel colour. She click on a switch placed beside the curtain and slowly the curtain lifted up automatically. She walked to the center of the room, as the curtain lifted up, revealing a massive glass panel stretching through the entire room.

The height had placed the people on the ground an ant small. Cars stilled on the traffic and people had moving all over the places. A bustling city. Everyone with issues of their own, mostly oblivious to others. But from here, it is quite. Leaving the stories made up in our own little mind figuring not even a fracture. The quietness may implies emptiness but how can it be when it is in the middle of almost two millions people.

"It does", she finally answered.

Maria stop fumbling over her work and turn her gaze to her back. Maria's eyes soften and her lips form a loving smile. Grateful that her employer has finally found a nice place to settle in after weeks of moving around. Even more grateful that she finally choses this one after rejecting few others before.

"I'm glad it does. So, in two days, Wardah would be launch officially. All major cities has now been confirmed and each one premise has been placed with a trained promoter. Will you.."
"Maria, has all the monthly expenses for the Maahad been settled?"

Maria stunned a while having her report interupted. Being the efficient girl she is, she blinked away the confusion and quickly gathers her focus.

"Yes, as soon as the bills were out, as usual"
"Fatimah and Yusuf has confirmed to attend the dinner"
"I will notice the restaurant"
"Who had attend Father today at the Maahad?"
"Asyraf"
"Good"

She then put her handbag down on the floor and turn around fixing her attention to Maria.

"Have Syafiqah took a couple of photos of this place. Come tomorrow night when I'm having dinner with my family. Put up good words about the kid who had designed this"
"Noted"
"About earlier, I will attend Wardah's grand opening"

The question had not even been asked yet now have been answered. Maria again seems confused but as usual had easily understand her employer like she has always been and that is thought to be one of the reason Maria have lasted more than two years now as her personal assistant. Even with the perks, it was jarring to hear how her employer keeps on changing her PA's because they just can't work with her. It was said that this job is tough but since Maria only know a tough game. It proves to be one tough game but she has never been so satisfied with her life that she is right now. She really does love her job.

"Ok. By the way, that girl that you choose to be your driver, she has confirmed to be able to serves you tomorrow. It seems like her semester break has started yesterday"
"Great, have her come here and meet me at the lobby by 9 am"
"Noted. Is there anything else?"
"No. You can go home now"

Maria gave her a small smile and turn around heading for the door. It was a tiring day indeed and now she need to be resting adequately since tomorrow would be a big day. It dawned on her why does her employer still insist having the family dinner tomorrow when she supposed to focus on her new clothing line being nationally launch. Wardah is a big deal. A year of thorough and personal hardwork deal. Just about a step more to the door she heard her name called and quickly turn around.

"Maria"
"Yes"
"Thank you for everything"

Maria can never be familiar with such honesty in the thanks she get from her. Not when she is being so sincere when Maria simply doing her job, living up to everything she has gained from the job.

"Your welcome Miss"


_________

i kept this in my note for far too long. pray that i will finish. i just want to finish the story.

Roll On: January and February All Wrapped Up.

If I'm not mistaken, I have finished my degree some time in July '16 which makes it eight months now. Last night, as I rechecked my messages to find some phone number, I realized one of the pharmacy that I apply for work actually texted me so that we can set up an interview date.

It was sent last November.

Source
I know right.

Anyway, I thought I should do this to recap what have been in my life in 2017 as times seems to fly so fast yet it's not like I do anything. Haha. *insert awkward silence here*.

January

  • We have been to Puchong twice. Is it thrice? I'm not sure. Thank God the school just started or else it would so tiring for Nabila and Natrah to keep on going back to Puchong on weekend.
  • Natrah start schooling in normal government school so after few trips to the school and PPD on December, Natrah successfully start her new school right on the first day. Yay.
  • I started to realize how petty it is to have to figure out what exactly we want to eat everyday. It was easier when Walid simply bought the fishes and I decided what works best for that particular fish. #typicalhousewifeproblemmuch?
  • It start to feel so mundane to clean house, do the laundry, cook, tends to both Natrah and Nabila and repeat
  • To actually take care of house bills and the loan payment for the cars made me realize it is not cheap having a family.
  • Having to look after Walid's palm oil business - just secretarial work only - also made me realize is it so expensive to have a family.
  • Blogging start to really felt so much fun now.
  • We went to Jitra to pick up Muslim and I drove!
  • There are six of us at homes and I feel so blessed.
  • We tries out some new eating places.
  • Somehow my acne worsen. Urghh.
  • During Chinese New Year holiday, around the end of January and the beginning of February, my relatives stay with us for four days and we have such a great time.
  • I watched lots of movies to pass times.

February

  • The mundane life continues but it felt better knowing that I am the one who cares for them as I know how mak will. It felt even better to know whom are Nabila and Natrah befriends with and how the school is. One year of matriculation and four years of degree takes me away from them.
  • Muslim due back to Jitra early February but a family friend sent him so we didn't went to Jitra again.
  • Nadia went back to UM as well. Mehh~ But we manage to go for a picnic at Lata Ulu Licin before she went back.
  • We went to Lumut on weekends, for two consecutive weekend, to play the bicycle.
  • How petty I thought my daily schedule is, Nabila had it worse. She practically only home around 2.45pm and after lunch, took a bath and rest a bit, it is Asar already and almost most of the time she knew she didn't have much time to work on her homework at night so she have to do some in the evening. Not to mention her koko thingy and taekwondo class. I pity the kids who have to go to extra tuition classes!
  • We try some more new places to eat and I finally sent the fabric Mak Pah gave us to be made into baju kurung.
  • I knew that we don't have anything much to do on February so I took the chance to challenge myself to do "A Post A Day - 7 Days Topics To Go" and "Cooking Plan For The Whole Week".
  • I tried to cook some new things I never cooked before - or have cooked it but failed miserably so this is like another try.
  • Watch some more movies and start to discover the so called must-watch;- Batman trilogies were awesome, Ghibli Studios animation are charming as always and I don't find myself fancy Indiana Jones since the storyline even though are great but it is such a slow-paced movies. I loved Lara Croft though.
  • Some of my friends were going for a vacation at Pangkor Island so we get to spend some time together.
  • I start to dedicate a page for all my poetry and shortstories as well as starting a new segment call "Let's Eat Manjung". I have two more places to share but I'm just don't feel like it yet.

I have so much free time.

and now it's March.

Roll On: 15 Blogging Facts - more like guilty pleasure confessions

Since I am a bit depressed from how I hate the works needed to get myself a new template and how this current template does not speak "me", I am doing this.

I should just sleep it off but I am waiting for the songs being burn into the CD so that I could go on and burn more songs into another CD - as you can see, I am blabbering.

Some of the facts would be confessions in my blogging times which I think a bit of like mean? I don't know, why don't you be the judge for it?

Source

Poem: The Daily Post Prompt - Jiggle

(This poem was made by using The Daily Post prompt for 26/02/2017 - jiggle)

The Man Behind The Door

I jiggle the bells on the door dangling
How very strange I start questioning
A person using bells still to ring
But little have I moment for baffling
As the door open and a man is standing
His tall body lean and his presence empowering?
It's in his eyes, an eerie green and domineering

A quick breeze had jiggle the bells - clanking
As I shook myself out from my trance being
"Hello sir, you see my car had me struggling
It's not until tomorrow I can get some helping
If you may good sir if I'm not troubling
Would you mind to have me here - staying?"

The man had low voice chuckling
As if I am some kind of plaything
I stood calmly and earnestly yearning
Until suddenly a loud crash can be heard banging
I turn my head and it's my car oh how charming!

It is before my mind can start reasoning
When I see from the distant a man was hit and now dying
It is before any ideas can start propositioning
It was the man with the bells that still jiggling
It is before I understand the truth I'm facing
I am, no, I was still behind the steering

With cuts all over and enormous blood spilling
With another soul marked as me sinning
The man has a low voice chuckling
"Oh dear, I think we have other place we should be going"





Bloglist Segmen: Pencarian Bloglist Sesi Mac-April 2017.


Dalam menghormati segmen berbahasa melayu yang aku sertai ini, aku akan menaip dalam bahasa.

Sebab aku nak.

Kenapa bunyi pelik sangat ni dan secara seriusnya, aku rasa sangat tak selesa.

Pfft.

Ok, Cik Athirah dengan murni dan jayanya telah berusaha mempromosikan segmen beliau hingga ke blog picisan aku ni. Jadi, untuk menghormati semangat tulus itu dan moga-moga menang "bloglist", maka aku pon dengan ini merupkana seorang peserta. Ayoh bahh.



Kena "follow" dua blog dan "Like" dua "Facebook page"

p/s: nampak tak kelambakan kosa kata yang terpaksa digunakan dalam bahasa inggeris untuk entri sependek ini?

Roll On: 7 Day of Blogging & Cooking


It has been almost a week from the week which I challenge myself to do constant blog update and cooking for the whole week - ie, the "A Post A Day - 7 Days Topic To Go" and "Cooking Plan For The Whole Week"


I have never done that before and it felt so good to actually finishes it!


Source

This post is dedicated for a wrap-up and/or analysis report.




Monday

I totally forgot to take any pictures and only realises it halfway through lunch. Haha. So it turn out we got three kind of fishes which is - ikan curut, the head of ikan nyok nyok (cut into two) and ikan tenggiri. I do make curry for lunch but I didn't fry more fishes at night as we skipped dinner. We ate keropok ikan (chips made from fish) given by my friend in the evening and got full.

I wrote my review on Lemboy Restaurant and later asked my sisters for the pictures she had taken when she went there with her friends. I still didn't upload the picture, though. I like Lemboy but due to the crowd, I'm not sure when will I go there again.


Ikan curut
Source

Ikan nyok nyok
Source

Ikan tenggiri, well, obviously written there
Source
Tuesday

Since on Monday, I have cooked extra gravy for the curry, I just heat it back and fry some more fishes today. The kangkung we bought on Monday is a lot, so I kept some and cook it today for lunch as well. So, I didn't follow the plan for today. You see, I wrote in my journal on my progress and literally write we ate kicap for dinner. I don't even remember I made any kicap (soy sauce) related food for the week since I'm not a fan of it,

Still forgot to take any pictures.

I wrote about what I learn on buying domains and hosting service etc. I still have so much to learn and to be frank, I still didn't recheck that post because I knew there would be loopholes and I would be itching to rewrite it.

Wednesday
For today, we supposed to make masak cuka (vinegar) but I only realised on this day that we got ikan nyok nyok and we always make masak lemak cili api out of it. That is how we ended up eating masak lemak cili api instead. At night, I made masak tiga rasa out of the other half of the ikan nyok nyok head since Angah requested it.

I wrote about blogging tricks and initially, it was supposed to be "you should do this because it is good tips". Later I realise, I have some preferences which some bloggers didn't, so I changed it into what I do as a blogger instead. 

Guess what, I took pictures!

for some unknown reason, those japanese cucumber always taste fresher than the common cucumber.

Thursday
For lunch, I made laksa since there are lots of ikan curut left. There are likes eight or nine of them so the gravy becomes rather thick as I don't want to make too much gravy and end up throwing it. It tasted good, my sisters say so, not me. I want that laksa mee instead of the common laksa beras but has mistakenly bought a different one. It still have the consistency of a laksa mee but with flat structure. It's not even mee sanggul. I'm not sure what it really is. I didn't took notes on what we have for dinner but all the fishes have finished so, YAY!

I think I make fried rice with meat for dinner.

I shared about my bad habits today and it was a real quick and short update but nonetheless, a rather fun topic to write out.

Thick huh? But I actually love it that way.

Friday

The dreaded day has come, I become so lazy. I cooked canned sardines for lunch. Yeah. But, I still cook mee bandung for dinner and my sisters say it tasted good. It does, I'm not self-praising but to get it good for the first time and sincerely, it is hard to find good mee bandung today so I am just so happy.

I explain on how I have improved my English games and it has been a delighted topic for me since I always loved English.

By the way, this is a very exhaustive post and now my shoulder starts to hurt. I have been on the computer for more than an hour now. Two days left only so I'm am going on.

I put meat because I love meat. 

 Saturday

You see, since I have been using some vegetables for the condiments in laksa and mee bandung, there are few vegetables left so I choose to cook paprik today instead. It is really an easy dish and we just throw everything in. The dish was more than enough for us but since paprik always tasted good with omelettes, we made an omelette as well. However, I put too much water so it becomes a bit runny. I should put some corn flour to thicken it but oh well.

I shared some free e-books which are actually quite amazing since I only share this kind of stuffs if it made me excited so go freaking read it NOW.

No, we don't put pak choy into paprik but hentam sajalah.

Sunday

Ah, the final day finally. We are supposed to make stuffed cencaru but I freaking accidentally blended everything thoroughly so it become like sambal cencaru instead. Haha. For dinner, we have bihun tomyam using the tomyam paste that my friend asked me to try. It is so good.

I end the week stating the reason why I would want to get myself my own domain but now I didn't really feels like it anymore.

Everyone was so excited to use chopstick for every noodle dishes. Heh.

The paste that she gave me
Source

That's a wrap!

Now I'm hungry.

THIS IS ME FREAKING OUT SHITCSFKCKLSD

http://giphy.com/search/supernatural


I'M A BIT BUSY TO BE UPDATING ANYTHING BUT ANWAR HADI ANSWER THAT SUNSHINE BLOGGER AWARD SO GO FREAKING CHECK IT OUT NOW!!!!!

http://anakazman.blogspot.my/2017/03/sunshine-blogger-award-tag-2k17.html

Roll On: Things that stand between me and complete happiness


This post is based on a writing prompt i'm trying and the prompt asked "things" but mine has only one thing, myself.

But first, to clarify one important principle, I do not really believe in "complete happiness". On the other hand, I am not a pathetic pessimist or an always-stay-positive freak campaigner. I think it is termed as realist or something.

I accept whatever it is, gives effort, never put high hopes. To think about it, I stop being hoping and just go with the flow even if the initial plan went to wreck. Yeah, I plan too. Not sorely a complete hippies eh.

To understand what stand between me and complete happiness, well, I need to know what complete happiness is for me. I viewed complete happiness as being satisfied with the way I live my life. Personally as a Muslim, it means that whatever helped me to get Allah accreditation. To tell you the truth, I am so far away from that. I'm trying still. I am still a faraway heart at living zuhud (unattach to the worldly needs) but we can still always tries to do good deeds.

So, live will mean so much more if we have an utmost goals to achieve. Being a muslim, it is set rather plainly easy. To get His love and be granted Jannah. Yeah, those non-muslim may have thought that this is lame and conservative and downright abuse at one point but that is truly their issues. Guess what, not all Muslim shares this same thought but truly we held no hard feelings whatsoever. Some of you may understand how non-Muslim viewed this as not living the life but that is what is funny right. I mean, the ustaz start wearing tux and be claimed to be edgy muslim but then why? Because all their western idols are wearing such and be all succeed, rich and handsome. Because they are majority. Because all of Instagram feeds, Tweets and television are full of those. We are just following. 



Some scholar have shared this words saying, if we ain't living the way Rasulullah is, donning his apparels or his wives apparels, how can he know us I akhirat? I mean, if our live is all about looking like western artists, would not he mistaken us as kaffir as well? Just think about it.

So yeah, my complete happiness is to live as a proud Muslim and I am the only one stopping myself from it. They say it is for the lack of hidayah or iman and that we need to pray more. I will pray so much. But, Islam is not only about the black overalls and the long ass beard. One thing purely genuine in Islam that there are many ways to show our love for Him. No, bombing peoples is not one of the way. Killing people is a very big sin that Allah say if we kill a man for unjustified reason, it is like we kill the whole humanity. 

I have seen my share of other peoples doing their ibadah in their own different way and they are happy. No one really know if Allah accept their ibadah but their peacefulness is some kind of proof am I not right?

I just need to find my own way.

The only one who can do that is me. I can not have others deciding what I want to do in my life. Whatever it is stopping me from being happy is truly my own self. If something bothers me, I should be the one getting rid of it. If living to His satisfaction is my happiness, I should be including ways to be one and being confident with it.

You know the most beautiful thing is? No one can really help me to figure these things out but Him. I can always have Him and will always do, InsyaAllah.