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Aug 16, 2019

My Greatest Weakness

I have two, very prominent trait, which I deemed both as my greatest weakness. I know using "the" implies that one most thing, but in this case, I still wanted to use these two traits because it was obnoxiously opposing.

I am an egoistical person but at the same time, I am very self-conscious.


The irony here is that I always mitigate my self-consciousness by reasoning with my ego such that no one can touch me. 

Here's a case study - I always thought myself as the not pretty one. I have lots of acne scars (the fair skin in my Twitter is make-up, in case nobody believes me) and to add that up, I gained so much weight this past year so now I was like "I am gemuk and tak cantik". Save that petty talk "everyone is pretty" because everyone knows it is only true up until a point. Those petty talk never helps me when I always avoid long eye contact because "they will make comment about acne" or "to sit up straight and choose loose clothing" so that the didn't point out those flabby stomachs. People are cruel. They never thought they are because "it is a joke" and "I'm a concerned stranger" are apparently the license you needed to point of flaws. 

But I am a well taught, 21st-century millennials with 90's childhood plus a hint of gen-z spice, I know I shouldn't feel this way. 

Image result for millennial gif


I realize being ego make it easier for me to fuel my idgaf soul which in turn helps me to not wallow myself in pity. The problem is that I am an egotistical person first before I realized that this self-assurance came from my ego side. It has helped me tremendously to not become too immersed in other people opinions of me but at the same time I keep on qiestioning myself "did I just fuel my ego side this way?". I have realized I am such an egotistical person since matriculation and have since then talk myself out consciously to admit openly when I made a mistake or when I don't know things.

I'm not sure if these are weaknesses but I really spent too much time reasoning with myself about this. Like how people taught of my appearance daily or how desperately I try to hide when I don't know stuff at work so that I'll not be looked down or how it is so hard for me to ask help from others. I'm pretty self sufficient so that's a plus lol.

I'm pretty sure many people experience these but since I am so self-aware with my emotional state, I just over analyse everything.

Put that up too, overanalyse everything~

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