I found this question on Elite Daily. If you guys feel like doing it as well, let me know so I can read it as well. I don't feel like ranting so let's just get straight into it.
What am I looking for in a partner?
I have told this before that during my time in Kuantan, I come to an understanding about myself that I do have certain physical attributes that draw me in. Apart from that, I'm looking for someone who can match my wit, and ways of thinking but most importantly, someone that I can enjoy a conversation with. This has led me to a certain type of personality and educational background too. I'm good at matching people's energy which indirectly makes me a people pleaser. So, on the surface, it might look like we get along well and don't get the wrong impression - we really do get along but I'm looking for someone that can bring out my other sides and someone that I can enjoy a good banter #lol
Is this the person I want to spend my life with?
I have been single for years so we can skip this questions
What will make me happy?
The first thing that come to my mind is traveling. You see, I enjoy traveling, but I'm not an avid person for one. Really not the wanderlust vibe kind of people that travel for experience and culture and need to go around the world etc. I really only look at it as a way of spending your holiday. I'm also not one that want to spend energy into planning long trips too but I love doing short trips. It's less demanding and easily executable. This is something rather new that I come to understand about myself. I like the feeling of being in an alternate life and just absorb it all. It feels like a break for the mundane of life and give a chance for me to clear out my head. It's not necessarily being clearing out the stress but more on giving myself a chance to see things in different perspective. Let's hope for more travel!
Is this worth it?
For now, my work is the only thing that got me thinking the worthness of it all. Is this really worth to spend my entire life for. I'm barely a year into this new environment of working that is really ideal for my growth but I'm starting to think how this might not be it entirely. It might not be someone that I want to see myself being in the future. I need to do a total career change if I really pressed on this further. I'm giving myself a few months to think this through first and the necessary life adjustment I might need to venture if I really do want a career change.
Is this the job I want in 10 years?
Oh god, I don't expect that this question directly linked to my answer in the previous question. For now, I'm 60% sure that I don't want it in 10 years.
Do I miss him?
I don't know. There's red flags but again, we don't really know each other. I'm not sure if I actually miss him or the ideal of him or the good times we spend with each other itself.
Do I have any real regrets?
I don't. One thing I always come to terms with whatever thing life throws at you is that - I always looking at it as a life experience. Simply a way to learn more about life and myself. Even if I did something regretful, I'll try my best to accept it and move on.
What goals do I still have?
I don't have goals. I don't know what I want in life. I'm living one day at a time and only do necessary changes when I feel that the current on isn't what I want. I'm good at knowing what I don't want. However, pursuing writing a lot more seriously seems good.
What impact that I want to make?
I'm fairly a simple person. I don't feel like I need to make an impact. If my writing could give an impact to whoever reading it, that would a good kind of impact that I would greatly appreciate.
Do I want a family?
A partner, yes. A family as in my own kids, I don't feel that those are meant for me.
Are my friends really my friends?
Being 29, I think I'm settled with the few friends I have. That I can trust wholeheartedly. Yes, they really are my friends.
Am I a good friend?
I can't vouch for myself for sure but I would be more than willing to do anything in my power to help my friends.
Is this the city that I want to live in?
I have never been able to see myself living here back home. However for a year or two from now, I feel like I need to be here for my siblings and it feel the most right thing to do. I've been thinking about how I love living in Kuantan. I used to think that such cities can be a good place to live in and indeed it is. The six hours journey really isn't it though. Probably would be a better choice once the trains are ready?
When was the happiest time of your life?
There are multiple occasions that makes me feel happy but I like to think of this question to be one defining and monumental occasion which I don't have yet. Maybe there'll be one for me in the future.
Am I a good daughter?
Again, I can't vouch for myself plus my father isn't really one that talks out stuff. My family is everything for me and for that I will do anything in my power to make them happy.
Am I a good person?
I get to interact with lot of people working in retail and being in pharmacy especially means people who are in need of help. It's basically my daily basis. I always reflect myself after assisting a customer. Did I really helped them out? Did I really listen to them? Was there any bias involved? There's pressure of needing to do sales, I'm not going to deny that but I always hope that I really, really helped out. That my suggestions are only those that benefits and that I didn't give false expectations. I hope I'm a good person to them.
Do I care what people think of me?
As of at this moment, I care too much. I let some things get to me too easily and too much too. Not all, just some. I'm not one to care too much actually so for me to be this bothered just exhaust me. I thought I got a good grip of myself at 29 years old but it seems new environment warrant me the chances to still improve this part of myself.
Should I feel guilty about cutting someone off?
I would say that I don't open up much to people and for the past few years of my life, having to live alone, I become so comfortable with myself. I don't necessarily feel the need to always be with peoples. I'm content with the few friends I have and the occasional meeting up with old friend or new people. It also means that I just don't feel the need to be connected with people I don't enjoy their company. It's kinda natural now. I don't feel guilty whatsoever. It is what it is.
Are my friends the friends I want for life?
Yes. See, here's the thing. Peoples around my age usually has a partner or has already married. It's just imposibble to stay connected to them as they also have other people they need to commit too. What this also means is that it's not easy to build a new friendship too so I don't see the possibilities of making and investing new frienships in the future. So, there's that. I'm grateful that the ones I have now are great but that's quite a POV now doesn't it?
Do people respect me?
At first, I thought this is a stupid question. How can you know if a person respects you? I think we can gauge something from how people response to you but that will be extirely up to how you perceive things. Then again, knowing this objectively could really help your growth too.
Do I care enough about my body?
I'm not sure if this question was meant for body image or body health. However, it feels better to direct it to health. I've learned to be more concious about it but sadly, I'm not doing much to maintain it. I want to first improve my diet as in eat healthily and on time and like at least get 10k steps per day. I should really put more effort in this as I'm starting to feel I get tired easily and can hardly focus well too.
Can I speak up for myself?
I can and sometimes it can be such little thing which I don't even realize it was me speaking up for myself. It could be that I feel "you're having a wrong assumptions about me" so now I'm "just clarifying". However, I wouldn't put myself as far as being "the change" in an uncooperative situations but to the very least, if the situations permits, I don't have a problem to walk out from it too.
Is it too late to change?
Of course not. Especially if you put out effort, surely there's a mean for you to effectively adopt change.
Do I need someone?
I used to think I'm independent enought that I don't need anyone. I could simple wait. Now, however, still as independent, I feel like needing someone to be there for you is such an assuring thing to have in your day to day life. So yeah, I do need someone.
Do I need more?
The more thing I need in life right now is feeling accomplished and satisfied with whatever I'm doing. Be it at work or vacationing, I yearned to always make the most from it and it could differ from one situation to the other but there's a little "I've done it" achievement that I want. I'm still that "living life one day at a time kind of girl" but now I value those feeling of achievement more conciouslly.
Am I ready to be an adult?
Yes I am. It might be only a partial of how the society perceive what an adult is, but on my own term, I am and seeking to always be a better version of it. I'm also learning my boundaries and with that I'm also learning to not be intimidated by others.
Have I challenged myself?
I have and I want to challenge myself more.
Will I found love?
I really don't know. As I told before, having someone feels good of course but I'm not obsessed over it. I would feel bad if I can't find anyone though but if it is meant to be, it will be.
Do I have the life I wanted?
I don't know what kind of life I really wanted. There's some aspect in my life that I still want to venture around more and see how it takes me. For the past 5 years, I've been moving around few times and get to experince multiple workplace environment. If one thing I have learned is that 20's or even 30's can still be early to simply settles down. Life can offer so much more for you to really understand yourself better and knowing what kind of life you wanted.
Am I really 30?
I'm 29 actually but yes of course I am really turning 30. So what?
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