Roll On: Cikgu Afifah, LOL (part 7)

Oct 5, 2016

I got to get something out of my brain and my soul. Get it moving.

I don't know what to do with my life. I always thougt that everything i would do must be pharmacy related but I got a taste of how these worlds might be. To compare it with the satisfaction I get from teaching, well, i can't compare it at all.

I know that in pharmacy I would be improving peoples health. Showing real difference. But it's routine. You got sick, i give care. It's a static relationship. But teaching was so much more and I have never felt this way before.

I never felt this much of pure passion. The rush and love. The care and joviality. I love it. It makes me actives and it put me into directions. Put me into perspectives.

I kinda understand now bout those that really wants to become teachers.

The important issue is that, i'm not teacher material. I mean the part of how I behave which need to be tone a bit to adjust into being a teacher. I realize how the students can test my patience but I can't grasp the sincerity NEEDED to surpass that. Some of the kids have been really disrespectful and I hated myself to not be able to see beyond it.

Not to mention that my approach is different with other teachers. I don't want to change this part of me though. I was so playful with the kids just the way i treated Nabila. Scolding them like shit on occasion and plays more. I understand how they are what they are. I think it is because our small age difference and that I can relate much with their world. The big part of this is that I am just that way. I just can't approach them the way these teachers are. It just felt weird.

Does my way better?

Heck, no. We will never know really. The truth is there is no one better way. At least that is how I see it. Each way work as they do. I never have any of my previous teachers doing what I do now. For all its worth, my approach right now may be all wrong. I ONLY TEACH FOR TWO MONTHS ONLY and during my last class, i throws these balled up papers because the students was chatting instead of working the exercise i given (i do not regret that).

Like that time, this one teacher was scolding the student for being rude to me but i didn't mind it at all because i know she was playing around. Or at least i thought she is. No one will ever know.

I don't even get my result transcript so that I can apply my PRPship. I should have done this like last month. I so fucked up.

I love you :)

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